Anaamika, I will say I wanted no part in seeing myself that way–they offered me a mirror, and my reaction was essentially, “HELL no!” I was also equally squicked out at the idea of touching the baby’s head as he’s coming out, supposedly to encourage me to push more. Let me just have him when he’s made his complete appearance, thankyouverymuch. As it was, I pushed him out in 30min, anyway.
As far as the camera, we didn’t videotape, but our doula took photos. I just wanted pictures of the process and of the baby, not of the anatomy. I’m not even fond of the fresh-from-the-oven photos of RuffLlama as he’s painted with all the multicolored goop…not cute. I’m glad we have the photos, but suffice it to say, they aren’t the ones framed and hung on the wall.
If he has a PhD in Psych then he’s more likely a Psychologist. A Psychiatrist would have gone through med school and definitely been at the business end of a delivery or two.
It reminds me of the book A Tree Grows In Brooklyn, the mother Katie says to Francie her daughter, (Katie’s pregnant) that when “her times” comes she should keep the man out of the not only the room but the house. (Back then people gave birth at home using midwives).
Katie says too many women want the man to hear the pain they suffer. Katie explains but what good does it do? It makes their own pain no less and then the men no longer want to touch their women, for fear of creating more pain.
I was there for 16 hours waiting for my son to be born. Then I was in the delivery room. I was not needed and did not get a big thrill out of it. Sorry. I would have preferred not to.
It had no impact on my desire for sex.
This is it for me too, delivery rooms aren’t sexy, and I have little connection with what happened there and what happens in the bedroom.
FTR, I would have preferred being somewhere else during the delivery process… of course, I’m guessing my wife would have preferred to be in a waiting room reading old magazines with me.
I video’d our first. It was a mutual decision; she was as interested in it as I was. I did it from alongside her rather than in the Johnny Bench position, and in post-production I tastefully blurred part of a few frames so the finished product is family friendly.
For what it’s worth, I’m very relieved my husband didn’t decide to photograph or videotape anything in the delivery room. I don’t think it’s gross and was fascinated while looking in the mirror, but I couldn’t imagine why we would watch the tape afterward. To those who did videotape, do you watch the birth often, or was it just for posterity (or excellent birth control when your kids get old enough)?
I didn’t videotape my son’s birth, but I wish I had - there is so much about the process that I don’t really remember, or that I don’t remember as well as I’d like to. I doubt I would ever show it to anyone else, but I wish I had it just to supplement my own memory.
As to the OP - my husband was there for the whole labor and delivery, and while I haven’t asked specifically, I’m certain it hasn’t negatively impacted our sex life. In fact, I think our sex life is actually better since having a kid!
I saw an Oprah show about this years ago. It was pretty clear that the men who had problems were the ones who had “objectified” their wives. For instance, to a man, they agreed that the breasts needed a “tune-up” now that the nursing was over, while the fathers who were not bothered looked horrified that anyone would say or think such a thing.
In their defence, you could guess which they’d be by the wives as well. The overly-made-up, perfectly coiffed but less than articulate ladies all had the squicked-out husbands. They were mostly silent, (or else abrasive) but leaning forward and away from their husbands as if to compete for the camara shot.
The ladies whose husbands were fine were all a little more laid back, definitely had an opinion to express, and were clearly interacting with their husbands during the discussion.
Made perfect sense to me.
I think men who are afraid to be in the room may also be scared of being forced to see their wives as strong people. A lot of men see themselves as the tough protector of the family, and need to see their wives as weak.
I wish I had videotaped the c-sections. I could just pop it in before Thanksgiving dinner for the family to enjoy. As a bonus, my wife would get to see what I saw. It would be fun as long as there are plenty of places for everyone to lay down.
We watched it a few times in the year or two after the delivery. It wasn’t just the actual birth, but also the day of, from the time she began contractions (she was already in the hospital), shots of the fetal heart monitor, nurses and doctors, family gathering in the waiting room… the whole lead-in. My daughter was eight weeks premature so she had to spend a couple weeks in the NICU, so the edited video also included her post-delivery development at the hospital. The video serves as a reminder of all of the complications and how tenuous the early days really were, so when we watch it we just sort of shake our heads at how our little girl has turned out after such a difficult beginning.
We showed it to our parents, but again, there was nothing squicky about the actual delivery scene. My modest wife wouldn’t be comfortable with her father-in-law seeing it otherwise.
Psst, I hate to be the one to tell you this but the guests on the Oprah show are selected in order to present a particular point of view. It is not really a coincidence that they fell into two camps, nor that the traits fell along the lines you describe. It was arranged that way. Shocking I know, but true nevertheless.
Well, I can tell you that when you’re actually in the throes of hard labor, you wouldn’t care if the Rose Bowl Parade was going through there. My mom, my dad, and my daughter’s father were all in there, and I didn’t give it a thought. Of course, both my father and her father passed out, but since it wasn’t even a particularly difficult or exceptionally gross delivery, I’m just inclined to think that they’re big ol’ wimps.
A friend of mine did want to videotape it, but I demurred. It’s not really my best angle.
I was in the delivery room, and I can tell you that I did not peek over that drape (planned C-section). I can tell you, though, that I saw and heard some things in there that I’ll never forget:[ul]
[li]When I first came into the room, things were already well underway. She was tied down, had already thrown up, and was freaking out. I sat by her head, touched her face, told her to look into my eyes, and got her to focus on me instead of all the other stuff going on. I could actually hear her heartbeat slow down on the monitor. I was able to calm her down during the scariest moment of her life, and for that I am proud and grateful.[/li][li]Then when the little Torqueling came out, she gave her first cry, and I heard my wife give a gasp of pure joy, relief, and love for the little creature she hadn’t even seen yet. I’ll never forget that sound as long as I live.[/li][/ul]
Given the choice, I’ll definitely go in that room. It’s perfectly possible to end up loving her even more.
