"Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. "
My daughter is 7, but I’m already dreading the day she begins to date. My ex hasn’t demonstrated any overprotective dad tendencies… yet. This might change as the years go by, you never know.
This thread reminds me of that country song in which the dad is meeting his daughter’s date, briefly reminisces about his own dating days and says he’ll wait up for her:
No no no! Pink frills and lace. A positive meringue of tulle and sea of toile. Disney princess dresses for every day of the week! By the time she’s 4, she’ll hate the pretty pretty princess girly crap and demand sweatshirts and overalls of her own volition. That’s how you make a tomboy!
As a mom, I’m concerned for my daughter’s future relations with men, but not nearly as concerned as I am for my son. As a former teenage girl, I know that the girls are just as predatory, and *far *better manipulators. Poor guy doesn’t stand a chance.
I have a two-year-old daughter, and every man is suspect. News of ‘insider’ pedophiles who no-one ever thought ‘could do something like that’ keep me alert. This worry will morph into something else as my girl grows up.
I don’t want to derail the lighthearted thread too much, except to say that the overblown paranoid of pedophelia and the concurrent witchhunt in our culture for suspected pedophillic men is an *entirely *different kettle of fish. I think it’s a literal tragedy what we’re doing to ourselves and men over that issue, and with no good reason. Being suspect of pubescent and post-pubescent boys around pubescent and post-pubescent girls? Understandable, if distasteful. Being suspect of all men around pre-pubescent girls? Irrational, prejudicial and damaging to the very fabric of our society.
I have 3 daughters. It was kind of hard for me with the oldest one, but she did OK & so did I. She is now engaged to a nice guy who is hellbent on “helping” me protect the next one in line. That one is in high school & she tells me that the guys see me as a pretty scary guy. Although that is just a rumor (that I am spreading), I will not dispel it either.
I used to say I would have a scary dog that would chase off the guys that wanted to date my daughters. The girls told me that the golden retriever did not fit the bill, though. We now have a poodle-mix. I doubt she will be scaring anyone, either.
Oh, so it wasn’t just me? I was trying to tell myself I was taking it all too seriously and I should ease up, and that last one just pushed me over the edge. But yeah, to be honest, I’ve been disturbed by it from post one.
Honestly, men, I don’t think you really need to worry all that much about your daughters who are being raised in the post-1980s. The whole cultural shift brought on by feminism means that these girls (and I’m speaking from my own experience, born in 1982) are far less likely to be looking for guys in the first place, never mind be willing to go along with whatever they want. The guys have also had a lot of ‘no means no’ drilled into them and, when I was in high school at least, found the more self-assured girls more intimidating than anything else. I didn’t date at all in high school for that reason. (that thought had a lot more nuance in my head, but it’s early and I’ve only had one cup of coffee).
I’m not saying you don’t have to worry at all - obviously, that’s your job as a parent and I’d probably think less of you if you weren’t. I’m just saying you probably don’t have to indulge in all the intimidatory theatrics with your daughter’s high school dates. Worry about them more in college (although if you haven’t raised her right by then, there’s no hope for you).
I, too, am disturbed about both the question asked and the types of responses. If the issue were women instead of men, I would send this thread straight to the BBQ Pit, so…
When I was in high school, there was a group of German high school students who visited our school for two weeks. These Germans were looking to get laid. It was what they were there for. (Not officially of course.)
And they left unhappy. Because when they would try their advances on us (me and my friends, who were their main contacts in the school), we did exactly and I mean exactly what you described above. We tried to make polite conversation while they tried to make out with us.
It was hilarious.
And I can’t believe that my friends and I were so atypical that somehow this experience was way far off the mark from what happens for “typical” american male teenagers in more normal situations.
I have two daughters and it’s not boys that worry me. I worry about them getting into a car with some one who’s drinking and driving and that type of thing. As far as boys go, you can only prepare them so much; they have to make their mistakes and learn as they go just like everyone else does. I’ll try to teach them about self-confidence and values but they’ll learn about boys by dealing with boys. There’ll be trips and stumbles and crying sprees and all that and they’ll come out the other side with wisdom and experience, at least that’s what I hope for. I realize most of the guys in this thread are being facetious but scaring and intimidating their love interests is only going to push them to do things behind your back or find boys who are crazier than you.
Hubzilla, completely random but I have to say that I remember some earlier pictures you showed of your daughter, and I noticed then and am reminded now that you’re daughter is absolutely gorgeous, one of the most beautiful babies/young girls I’ve ever seen. She is going to be a heartbreaker, and you should be very proud :).
Oh, and I’m also a female, so I hope I don’t sound creepy.
I don’t have a daugh in this fight but FWIW I’m surprised it has been moved to the Pit. I’m ordinarily the first person to be offended when women say “You men are all…” but I wasn’t offended here because I didn’t think that’s what the OP was about. If retitled “Fathers of underage daughters” it makes perfect sense…but those become “Fathers of daughters of legal majority,” and some will always be daddy’s little girl in daddy’s eyes.
There is or should be poetic license and (self-acknowledged) irrationality for those protecting the princess of the castle from boys/young men. Some 15 year-old girls want a 25 year-old guy, and good parents should man the battle stations for that. But also many 16 year-old boys are looking for sex…though it can turn out otherwise.
If the issue were women instead of men—do 25 year-old women even look at 15 year-old boys with lust? Are teenage girls usually looking to get into the boys’ pants? It happens far less commonly, but there are mothers out there who would like to keep their boys virgins forever as well.
But, whatever, there’s my nitpick du jour. It seemed lighthearted to me.
To answer the OP: yes, if I ever have a daughter there will be a sniper’s nest, land mines, razor wire, hungry dogs roaming the grounds, etc.
ETA: What was the line in The World According to Garp? Something to the effect that he wanted to protect his daughter from men like him, i.e. being men we know what men think.
An older woman once said to me, “Oh you guys undress us mentally, don’t you?” I replied, “For starters.”
