Favorite dark-comedy quotes

[25.1327_Octopi]

(double post - whoops)

[robardin]

@Elendil_s_Heir

Raising Arizona, as Ed and H.I. split from the convenience-story stickup they just pulled off, and grab a dropped bag of diapers from the ground as they speed out of the parking lot:
Ed McDonnough: I’m not gonna live this way, Hi! It just ain’t family life!
H.I.: Well… it ain’t “Ozzie and Harriet.”

Ah, one of my favorite movies! Too bad I haven’t seen it in years due to the lack of an acceptable DVD transfer, much less a Blu-Ray release, but my favorite dialogue from it is in the bank robbery scene:

Robber 1: Everbody freeze! And get down on the ground!
Old man in bank: Well, which is it, young feller? You want I should freeze, or you want I should drop? Meaning to say iffin I freeze, I can’t rightly drop. But iffin I drop, I’m a-gonna be in motion.
Robber 1: Shut up! Just… Get down on the ground! … All right, now… Where’d the tellers go?
Tellers (behind counter on the floor): We’re down here, sir!
Robber 2: They’re down on the floor like you commanded, Gale.
Robber 1 (Gale): Dammit, I TOLD you not to use my damned name!! Can’t you TRY to keep from forgettin’ that?!
(short frustrated silence, then…)
Robber 2 (slyly): … not even your code name?
Robber 1 (relieved): Oh yeah, that’s right! My code name! (Louder) Ya hear that, ya dang hayseeds? We’re using code names!

[muldoonthief]

@Gray_Ghost

The exchanges between Bernie Mac (Gin) and Tony Cox (Marcus) are solid gold profanity.

Marcus: Sketch it up you fucking moron - fucking Leonardo daVinci.

Gin: What you call me, thigh-high?

Marcus: I called you a fucking guinea homo from the 15th fucking century, you dickhead.

Gin: I could stick you up my ass, small-fry.

Marcus: Yeah? You sure it ain’t too sore from last night?

Gin: You got some lip on you, midget.

Marcus: Well these lips were on your wife’s pussy last night. Why don’t you dust that thing off once in a while, asshole.

[tr0psn4j]

@FriarTed

“This is Howard W. Campbell, the last free American. Heil Hitler!”

“Deep down, I think people are basically good at heart.”

Kurt Vonnegut’s Mother Night

Nice. I’ve read a couple of his books but I don’t think I’ve read that one yet.