Favorite expressions

[DfrntBreign]

One I’ve only ever heard here in the south (or is this the west? Did we ever decide?) is “Well I’ll just be go-to-hell”
For some reason my daughter always cracks up when she hears me refer to someone as “That miserable old fuck!”

[BACI]

When I ask Mrs Baci where some misplaced object is, she has a habit of turning to me and saying “Up my arse, hanging on a nail”…

If it’s someplace obvious she’ll give me an exasperated look and say, “What, are your eye’s painted on?”

Oh, and folk we’re not partial to are referred to as BFP.

Which naturally is an acronym for “Bum Fucking Pus”.

[Bibby]

@Mangetout

I have several stock phrases with which I purposely annoy my kids, they include:

-“You’re leaving that? - That’s the best bit!” (legitimately in reference to crusts, bacon rinds, broccoli stalks, but I also use it whenever they set anything else aside - melon rinds, chocolate wrappers, etc).

-“You’re not meant to eat that bit!” (whenever they accidentally bite their tongues, cheeks, fingers)

-“Never mind - you’ll soon grow a new one!” (In response to any minor injury - i.e. “I bumped my head!/ Never mind - you’ll soon grow a new one!”)

I do mess around like this rather a lot with them - for example:

Kid: Dad! Shut the door, there’s a draught coming through
Me: Don’t be silly - a giraffe would never fit through that door
Kid: I said there’s a DRAUGHT!
Me: I know, but I think you must be confusing it with some other, smaller animal, perhaps a gazelle? …
Kid: Just shut the door!
Me: <by now practising studied ignorance> … I mean, I know we have quite a tall house, but keeping a giraffe in here would be just cruel…
(and so on)

Your kids will hate you forever!

Bibby