Favorite expressions

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
61

[QUOTE=Roland Orzabal]
In Basic Military Training, the TIs aren’t allowed to swear (in theory anyway), and some of the stuff they invent to berate trainees in public is classic. BMT is responsible for the phrase “what the piss?” having entered my repetoire.

It is used just as you’d use “what the fuck?”. When directed at a specific person, you may append either that person’s last name (“You filed the wrong report again? What the piss, Johnson?”), or, for sillier situations, the weaker/more general term “nut” (“Bill, your socks don’t match! What the piss, nut?”).*

Try it out!

*Four punctuation marks in a row, for four times the fun. Five if you count the asterisk. Whee!
[/QUOTE]

What the Piss is a timeless classic, in the 319th Training Squadron (home to the Fever Flight, the Medical Hold and Separation Flight, the Get Fit Flight, or as I collectively call them, the Sick, the Broken, the Crazies and the Lazies), the TIs also have “Holy Crap, Taller Tap!”.

One of my TIs, a very short skinny Mexican man who I will always live in fear of and check under my bed for before going to sleep, was (in)famous for shouting out, in response to some mistake made a trainee: “NICE ONE, NICKLENUTS!”

Other expressions I picked up in Basic include “Asstard Oxygen Thieves!” (they weren’t **allowed **to swear. This is not the same as saying that they weren’t inclined to do so, however) and “Drawing a giant middle finger on the bottom of that clothing drawer” in response to someone not rolling their socks in the exact proper way.

62

[QUOTE=lobotomyboy63]
We seem to have omitted “Jesus Christ in a go-kart!”

And a standard Southern-ism (at least according to the email it came in): make belittling statement, followed by “bless his/her heart,” e.g.: “Well, she just can’t seem to find a man, bless her heart!” If the target is really pathetic, add “poor,” as in, “He’s just having trouble keeping a job, bless his poor heart!”
[/QUOTE]

Though I very rarely get to say it, I love “Christ on a go-cart!” stolen from “Walker’s Crik,” a student-written play from high school.

Even though I think it’s horribly insulting to say “retard” or “tard,” I really like “fucktard”- so I try not to say it, and usually use “asshat” instead.

“Fuck-a-doodle-doo” crept into my vocab from Shaun of the Dead, except it’s still on the “mental use only” list, because there are few occasions where I can find use for it.

63

Oh, another favorite: “About as effective as a retard humping a doorknob.”

64

I don’t use “Asstard Oxygen Thieves” but I’m so going to. I’m thinking it should replace “Donkey-raping shiteater,” which I’ve grown weary of, yet still pops out at frequent occasions.

65

“As dumb as a concrete trampoline”.

Also, thanks to Will Self, lately I’ve been partial to “oh corny hallelujah!”, for whenever something suboptimal occurs.

66

[QUOTE=lobotomyboy63]
We seem to have omitted “Jesus Christ in a go-kart!”

And a standard Southern-ism (at least according to the email it came in): make belittling statement, followed by “bless his/her heart,” e.g.: “Well, she just can’t seem to find a man, bless her heart!” If the target is really pathetic, add “poor,” as in, “He’s just having trouble keeping a job, bless his poor heart!”
[/QUOTE]

I do the “bless his/her heart” thing all the time!

67

A classic from my bro, former USAF…when installing something like a car stereo or plugging something into the back of your computer, where you have to feel with your hand for something you can’t see: “Damn, can’t find it. Could you put some hair around it?”

68

Somewhere along the way, lobotomyboy63, you and I are clearly related. My mother often said, when someone was having trouble getting a key into a lock or other similar circumstances, “You could hit it if it had hair around it.”

69

[QUOTE=freckafree]
Somewhere along the way, lobotomyboy63, you and I are clearly related. My mother often said, when someone was having trouble getting a key into a lock or other similar circumstances, “You could hit it if it had hair around it.”
[/QUOTE]

Must be on my father’s side, a former truck driver who used to drive through Ohio there en route to Baltimore :eek: …my mom would turn every shade of red if anybody even spells s-e-x.

Some Foghorn Leghorn soundbites, e.g. “Pay attention to me boy! I’m not just talkin’ to hear my head roar”: http://www.nonstick.com/sounds/foghorn_leghorn.html

And a few Yogi Berra quotes such as, “I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.”

70

[QUOTE=lobotomyboy63]

Some Foghorn Leghorn soundbites, e.g. “Pay attention to me boy! I’m not just talkin’ to hear my head roar”: http://www.nonstick.com/sounds/foghorn_leghorn.html

[/QUOTE]

My favorite Foghorn quote is: 'That boy’s about as sharp as a sack of wet mice."

71

[QUOTE=Unintentionally Blank]
My favorite Foghorn quote is: 'That boy’s about as sharp as a sack of wet mice."
[/QUOTE]

Heh, I occasionally throw out “About as smart as a sack of wet bricks”

72

I forget what prompted it the other day, but a classic: “You can’t polish a turd.”

73

I’m rather partial to “Alrighteous” and “Alrighteousness” for some reason, when Righteous or alright could be used. It works for either one for me. I’m also a huge fan of “dude”, “man”, and “babe” thanks to my 80s loving uncles, and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles- I’ve used these things since I was a kid, and there’s no sign of stopping now.
Also, it was recently pointed out to me that I happen to use the word “Really?” a lot whenever I feel sarcastic/and or disbelieving. I just look at them and change the intonations of the word, and can end up using it 3-4 times just with different emphases to convey disbelief.

74

Well, I use FFS a lot. Yep, just the letters – everyone in the family knows it means “for fuck’s sake.” I also tend to say “fuck me running!” when really annoyed.

Of course, one of my favourite phrases is “and then he/she/they looked at me as if I’d just grown a third head.” My daughter always giggles over that one, because we live in the South. Anywhere else, if one grew a second head, people would give strange looks, but here in the polite South, a second head would be acknowledged with a smile and a “how do you do?” but a third head? Well, that would be rude, bringing two uninvited guests, and you would get an odd look.

75

[QUOTE=Raguleader]
Heh, I occasionally throw out “About as smart as a sack of wet bricks”
[/QUOTE]

“Sharp as a marble.”

76

I smashed my baby toe a few years ago. I called out “Holy C*ck-sucking, orc-humping perverted mother of Christ”
A friend of mine, a devoted and evangelical athiest said “wow even I need to go to confession after that.”

At work when payroll screws up and we get issued a demand cheque we usually get hit up for extra taxes and payroll deductions, union dues etc. We call it “getting an ass-raping without dinner or lube”

77

[QUOTE=LucyInDisguise]
[bolding mine]
[pleasepardonthedrivebypost]

My wife just came running in to see what I was choking on - all I could do was point at my monitor.

No doubt about it - that one line just payed for my membership here!

Now I’ve just gotta figure out how to work it into the next conversation with my new (incredibly indecisive) regional manager.*

Lucy

*Should be pretty easy - he hasn’t made an actual decision in the last three months …

[/enddrivebypost]
[/QUOTE]

Ha! I can’t believe the serendipity here - I’m scheduled for an all-day cluster fuck - er, “requirements gathering working session” tomorrow where a bunch of chicken fuckers are going to be (in effect) asking me what they need from me. I cannot wait to blurt this out to a sympathetic co-worker during a break. I’m sure I’ll also have plenty of opportunities to ask someone if they could be more vague. Responses will be in the affirmative.

78

Remnant from a multi-lingual construction crew: What the que pasa? I can’t stop using it.

79

“Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.” ~Tee shirt

“I owe, I owe, so off to work I go.” ~Bumper sticker

“The face of a child can say it all. Especially the mouth part.” ~Jack Handey

“When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandmother…not like the screaming passengers in her car.” ~Jack Handey

80

My dad often exclaims, “Well shit fire and save matches!” when he hurts himself or discovers an especially dumb mistake he’s made.