Favorite Quips and old time sayings

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
61

I heard it as “I see, said the blind man to his deaf wife, as he picked up his hammer and saw”.

My other favorites-

I would rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

Oats are cheaper once they have been through the horse.

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

“A couple a few” to describe any number between 2 and 10.

You can lead a horse to water but it is much easier to ride him.

When somebody says “we” as they expect you to do something, you say “what, do you have a turd in your pocket?”.

Anybody who says “so…” too often when talking say “buttons on your underwear?”. After they say “so” to start their sentence.

62

It was P J O’Rourke who pointed out, “In the postwar era, two (suckers) were born every minute.”

63

I am mortified to admit that I did *not *understand this until about a year ago. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

64

“There’s no education in the second kick of a mule.” is one that stuck with me.

My dad says this a lot, … Happier that a dog with two dicks. (???) okay.

A blind man would be glad to see it!

65

If someone asks you to do something they could easily do themselves: “What’s the matter? Do you have a piano tied to your bum?”

66

Dad once described a man as being “so dumb he couldn’t piss a hole in the snow”. And a college roommate said an acquaintance was so dumb “he couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were printed on the heel”.

67

Lord willing and the creek don’t rise.

68

Don’t mud wrestle with a pig because the pig likes it.

69

My grandmother had a saying for damn near everything. Two of them I remember:

“He’s like a fart in a windstorm.” Often said about someone unreliable, never around when there is work to be done.

“He’s like a fart in a skillet.” Usually said about kids. A testimony to their nonstop way of always being underfoot.
Here’s one for Beck. Growing up, my mother explained to me there was a rivalry between Missouri and Arkansas. Missouri considered its place on the map to be prophetic: obviously, people in Missouri were “above” Arkansas in so many ways.

My mother had a saying, and it was typically applied to a scatter-brained kid who could easily forget his left hand from his right. “His head is up his butt and his mind is in Arkansas.”
~VOW

70

“You skin a better looking eye.” (Definition: “You’re looking healthier than the last time I saw you.”)