Some of my favorite sayings usually came from friends from the South. Unfortunately, most of them have vanished from my memory (which is down to about 512K now). Here are some I recall.
You’re so green if I stuck you in the ground you’d grow…
shaking like a cat shitting razorblades…
as happy as a pig in shit…
as ugly as an unwiped asshole…
Ugly enough to back a dog off a meat truck
Useless as a screen door on a submarine
Dumber than a sack of hair
Four days older than dirt
The shadow of her ass weighs 30 pounds
If brains was lard, you couldn’t grease a skillet. …deader’n a son of a bitch… (used only when describing the effects of a firearm on a living target) …sweeter’n butterscotch… (I’ve only heard this one used to indicate someone is gay)
Slicker’n snot on a doorknob (owlshit through a tin horn)
Nervous as a whore in church.
Off like a prom dress.
Stupid as a fried popsicle (thanks, Tabitha King!)
Crazy as a soup sandwich.