Salty sayings

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

why would a well digger have a bra on his ass? this is probably a mixing of “colder than a witches tit in a brass bassiere on the shady side of an iceberg” and “lower than a well diggers ass”
hows about:

metaphors/similes:
lower than a well digger’s ass (as in I’m feeling . . . )
nutty as a squirrel turd
crazy as a shit house rat
happier than a dog with two dicks
sweatin’ like a whore in church
nervous as a long tale cat in a room full of rocking chairs
dumber than a sack of hammers
usefull as tits on a bull
busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest

rhetorical questions:
does a bear shit in the woods?
does the pope wear a funny hat?
does a hobby horse have a hickory dick?

22

happier 'n a ‘possum eatin’ shit by the moonlight

23

hotter than a two dollar pistol

24

And that’s pretty hot.

25

[so and so] went through here like fat through a goose
bleeding like a stuck pig
drunk as Cooter Brown
meaner than a skillet full of rattlesnakes/junkyard dog
happy as a gopher in soft dirt
so dry the trees are bribing the dogs
it’s so hot the hens are laying boiled eggs
cute as a possum/button
so dumb she couldn’t pour rain out of a boot with a hole in the toe and directions on the heel.

26

Ain’t got a pot to piss in.

If I was feelin’ any better I couldn’t stand myself.

He could tear up a cannon ball in a sandbox with a rubber hammer. (Courtesy of my grandma, most often used in reference to my stepfather :D.)

Yer damn skippy.

27

As nervous as a cat in a room full of rockin’ chairs.

28

As common as owl pellets
Owls ingest their prey whole but don’t pass them through their system. The bones, fur and other indigestible bits are regurgitated as a small ball of all that stuff. A mouse’s skull is not all that big. You find the pellets littering the floor of the forest under trees where the owl roosts.

I don’t know him from Adam’s off ox
Said of a complete stranger. On a team of oxen the ox on the left side, the side closest to the driver, is the near ox. The other ox, the one farthest away is the off ox. Adam was a long time ago.

He stacked arms at Appomattox
Said of a person who saw a hard job through to the end. When the end came for the Army of Northern Virginia in April 1865, there were a lot of Confederate soldiers who were unarmed stragglers, having broken lose from their regiment and having lost their musket for one reason or another. The men who stacked arms were the ones who stayed with their unit and kept their weapon when it would have been a lot easier to simply wander off or get rid of the extra burden.

Ain’t got a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out.

29

And my favorite:

Does a frog bump its ass a-hoppin’?

Oh, and further in the amphibian vein,

“How you doin’?”
“Finer’n frog hair.”

30

Noisier than two skeletons making love on a tin roof and using a beer can for a condom

Slicker than two eels copulating in a barrel of mucus

If brains were shoes you’d be barefoot up to your ass

Cold enough to freeze tha balls off a pool table

Colder than a mother-in-law’s kiss

31

Busier than a hooker on cowboy payday

Ass high to a tall Indian
Busier than a hooker on cowboy payday

Not PC: Drunker than 10 Indians. You can substitute 100, 1000, etc. for more extreme states of drunkenness. (It’s a logarithmic scale)

32

Damn, messed that coding up. I’m dumber than a mud post.

33

Bleeding like a stuck pig is a Southernism?

Useful as tits on a boar.
Slap that puppy on the ass and call it done.

34

Cranky as a bag of weasels.

Head like a hat full of arseholes / assholes.

35

If you ever had a thought it would die of loneliness.

Uglier than the south end of a north-bound pig.

So ugly your mama had to tie a pork chop around your neck to get the dog to play with you.

So ugly that when you were born the doctor slapped your mama.

36

My dad used to say that too.

37

Shitting like a big black Alsation.

38

Crazy as rat in a coffee can…
Mad as a bagful of badgers…
Silly as a two-bob watch…
Sharp as a stack of wet newspaper…

mm

39

ya’ll forgot …

When the Lord passed out brains you thought he said “rain” so you hid under a cabbage leaf

Busier than a one-armed paper hanger

Fell outta the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down

Dumber than a box of mud

Like a dose of salts thru a widder’ woman

So tight with a penny he squeaks when he walks

Look deep in her eyes, you see the roots of her hair

When she walks, her butt looks like two dogs fightin’ under a blanket

Crazy as a run-over dog

I’ll think of more tomrrow, I’m sure :slight_smile:

40

Oh yeah…

He’s about as subtle as a hand grenade in a barrel of oatmeal :stuck_out_tongue: