“The pig says ‘My wife is a slut’?!?”
“Oh come on, what an old joke. I mean, the Pope and Raquel Welch in a lifeboat?”
“I haven’t heard that one.”
“36-24-36; I think I have what you’re looking for.”
“Looks like a Russ Meyer movie in here.”
“Who’s Russ Meyer?”
“Get a good look, Costanza?”
"“You wanna know if your grandmother was bosomy?!? Where do you get your genes from?!?”
“Not to mention the Blacks and the Jews.”
There’s a little Woody Allen-ish line by Seinfeld that I love:
“You can’t put anything past anybody!”
“These pretzels are making me thirsty!”
“Too ethnic.”
George: I might… tell her that I love her. I came this close last night and then I just chickened out.
Jerry: Well, that’s a big move, Georgie boy. Are you confident in the ‘I love you’ return?
George: Fifty-fifty.
Jerry: Cause if you don’t get that return, that’s a pretty big matzoh ball hanging out there.
‘That’s a pretty big matzoh ball hanging out there’ is a family staple. It has a multitude of applications
Also ‘Shakey the mohel’. Shakey the fill in the blank
“But I don’t wanna be a pirate!”
“That was one magic loogey!”
Kramer: “They’re very refreshing!” (Junior Mints)
“…And he was left with nothing but a claw.”
“You mean…?”
“Yes. He was not ‘master of his domain.’”
“It’s okay. I won a contest.”
“Six-thirty, Scott. Time for your sponge bath.”
“Shouldn’t you be out on a ledge somewhere?”
Mr. Thomassoulo likes to play dirty? Well, there’s nothing dirtier than a giant ball of oil.
–
You know Darren, if you would have told me twenty-five years ago that some day I’d be standing here about to solve the world’s energy problems, I would’ve said you’re crazy… Now let’s push this giant ball of oil out the window.
–
Whatever happened to Darren?
Darren is going away for a long, long time.
“Just let me finish my coffee and then we’ll go watch 'em slice this fat bastard up.”
side note: this took multiple takes to complete and Jerry still got the wording wrong on the final one
“How did you find out about the guy in the park?”
“I didn’t think I’d come.”
“I knew you would.”
“Amazing. I drive them to lesbianism, and he brings them back.”
“I don’t get this. This woman has never been with a man her entire life…”
“I’m Kramer.”
“Mammal.”
“Whatever.”
The episode where George is in the hospital to get his tonsils out. Elaine walks into the room while Jerry is pretending to smother George with a pillow. Jerry acts surprised and tries to hide the pillow behind his back. “Elaine! What are you doing here?”
The back-and-forth between Jerry and Elaine in this scene makes me laugh every time. JLD is a comedic genius the way she delivers her lines. “He took [huff, huff] it out.”
Almost anything Frank Costanza says kills me. It’s not the lines, it’s the way he delivers them. Like in this scene at dinner, where he tells George all about bras.
The way Jerry Stiller says “Get the hell outta here! Lycra Spandex?” with his mouth full of food is just comedy gold. Gold, Jerry!
This scene where Elaine thinks she has rabies is a favorite too.
“She’s frothing at the mouth!” Holy shit, hilarious!
“You know I’m sorry things didn’t work out with Elaine. I don’t know what I did wrong”
“Well, you showed her who you are.” 
I’m SO glad they replaced John Randolph with Jerry Stiller. I can’t imagine anyone else arguing with Estelle Harris the way he does!
Many years ago I worked with a woman named Melva. I’m certain that “Mulva” slipped out a time or two.
“I could drop you like a bag of dirt.”