Funniest Seinfeld line or situation

I’ve been watching a lot of Seinfeld repeats lately, reliving the good times. What is you favourite situation or line from the show?

My favs:
Elaine: “I’m speechless, I am without speech”

Kramer converting a 4 lane highway into a 2 lane, by blacking out the lines, so that it is more comfortable.


(in high british accent)


“Why did you tell her I was a marine biologist? Why didn’t you tell her I was an architect? You KNOW I’ve always wanted to pretend I was an architect!”

“He’s an importer.”
“And an exporter. He imports, he exports…he’s an importer-exporter.”
“And I’m an architect.”
“Really? What do you design?”
“Don’t engineers do that?”
“They can.”

When I saw this thread, I immediately thought of Kramer rolling down the freeway at 5 mph with a paint tray on the seat. That was the Seinfeld scene that cracked me up best.

“There is no way I am getting into that human bacteria frappe you have going over there!” (or something like that - the hot tub Kramer had)

“The Master of my domain” episodes, without question, was the funniest situation.

The funniest line was “Eh, she had manhands.” and also when they ran through all things that Jerry found wrong with his dates as an excuse to dump them.

Kellibelli: I completely forgot a HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…

My workmates now think I’m completely mad from spitting out my grapes and laughing sooooo hard at this.

George to Elaine: “Women know about shrinkage, right?”
Elaine: “You mean it SHRINKS?”
Jerry: “Yes, like a frightened turtle”
Elaine: (shaking head, disgusted) “I don’t know how you walk around with those things.”

(moron car rental lady): “Sir, I know how to keep a reservation.”

Seinfeld: “No I don’t think you DO! If you DID, I would have a car right now. You see, (motioning in the air wildly) ANYONE can just TAKE a reservation…but it’s KEEPING the reservation that’s important.”

Heh…I probably got that wrong, just “quoting” off the top of my head. Loved that part.

Seinfeld (to telemarketer): “Uhh, I’m kind of busy right now. How about you give me your home phone number and I’ll call you back later?”

Telemarketer: “Uhhh…I can’t do that, Sir.”

Seinfeld: “Oh, I see. So you don’t want people phoning you and interrupting you at home?”

Telemarketer: “Well, yeah.”

Seinfeld: “Now you know how I feel.” (click)

heh…there are just so many to have one favorite.

  • Tsugumo


“He’s kind of a close talker”

“She’s kind of a low talker”

Baboo says; “Jerry, you’re a very bad man.”

One of my favorite episodes is when Kramer takes Karate lessons, and he beats the stuffing out of the children, and then gets the shit knocked out of him by the same kids.

The same episode when Kramer and the kids are chanting, ice cream…ice cream in the station wagon.

The thing I like are those lines that aren’t funny in themselves, but only because Jerry Seinfeld was such a terrible actor. Don’t get me wrong; I love the show, and I can probably recite most of the episodes by heart, but the guy couldn’t act. I especially like when he’s trying to deliver his lines, but you can see him cracking up and he uses this high, whiny voice:
“Oh no! This phone’s a piece of junk!” [2-line phone episode]
“Kramer! Stay put! I WILL FIND YOU!” [Kramer is at the corner of First and First, the Vortex of the Universe or some such]

See, I told you they’re not even funny lines, but just thinking about how he said them cracks me up. I have a friend I can make shoot beer out his nose if I just say those lines at the bar.

My favorite scene has always been from the episode where Jerry’s parents come to visit so that his father (Morty) can go to a back specialist. Morty undresses and the nurse takes him to get an x-ray…when he comes back to the room, he checks his pants for his wallet and it’s not there. He sticks his head out the door and starts yelling at the top of his lungs “My wallet’s gone!! My wallet’s gone!!” Kills me every time. :smiley:

There’s also the episode where George pees in the shower at the gym. He’s explaining it to Jerry, and Jerry asks him why he didn’t just hold it. George says it’s very bad for the kidneys. Jerry asks how he knows that…George replies that he read it in a medical journal. Jerry says “I see…and what do the medical journals have to say about standing in a pool of urine?”

I’ve seen every episode. :slight_smile:

“The Contest” episode, about being Master of their Domain. The three guys are looking at the naked woman across the street. Kramer walks out, walks back in a minute later, slaps his money down and says, “I’m out!!”

George’s answer machine message :slight_smile:

Believe it or not… :slight_smile: :slight_smile:

Well, I love many Seinfeld moments. Let’s see…
from that same episode,
George- “You remembered the bread,”
Soup Nazi- “Don’t push your luck little man.”

Jerry- “I know your name…it’s…Mulva.”
Lady- “Bye Jerry.”
waiting a little while, Jerry runs to the window and shouts,

No, no!!! It’s when Elaine says:

“Guess who that was was??”
(and I forget the whole dialogue…but)
And leans across the counter saying it!

Her expression would have been MINE exactly!!!

Silky “Oh how I would love to see him gym shorts!” Threat

Tsugumo already mentioned my favorite Sienfeld moment: the rental car counter scene.

But Tsu, you forgot the absolutely best part – the end of the scene when the rental agent asks Jerry if he wants insurance. He responds (paraphrasing from my memory):

“Oh yeah. I’m gonna beat the crap out of this car.”

Hey, everybody! It’s the ol’ Elkman’s 100th post! Hurray for me!!

Anyways, my favorite situation was Kramer feeding the horse Beefarino, and my favorite lines were the little song he sings while doing it.

Close second is the entire “Soup Nazi” episode.

I love this show. I don’t think I ever saw a bad episode. The ones I can think of now, off the yop of my head, that I liked the best:

The Contest
The one where they are lost in the parking garage
The car with the BO
Good Naked/Bad Naked