“Why did you tell her I was a marine biologist? Why didn’t you tell her I was an architect? You KNOW I’ve always wanted to pretend I was an architect!”
“He’s an importer.”
“And an exporter. He imports, he exports…he’s an importer-exporter.”
“And I’m an architect.”
“Really? What do you design?”
“Railroads.”
“Don’t engineers do that?”
“They can.”
When I saw this thread, I immediately thought of Kramer rolling down the freeway at 5 mph with a paint tray on the seat. That was the Seinfeld scene that cracked me up best.
“The Master of my domain” episodes, without question, was the funniest situation.
The funniest line was “Eh, she had manhands.” and also when they ran through all things that Jerry found wrong with his dates as an excuse to dump them.
George to Elaine: “Women know about shrinkage, right?”
Elaine: “You mean it SHRINKS?”
Jerry: “Yes, like a frightened turtle”
Elaine: (shaking head, disgusted) “I don’t know how you walk around with those things.”
(moron car rental lady): “Sir, I know how to keep a reservation.”
Seinfeld: “No I don’t think you DO! If you DID, I would have a car right now. You see, (motioning in the air wildly) ANYONE can just TAKE a reservation…but it’s KEEPING the reservation that’s important.”
Heh…I probably got that wrong, just “quoting” off the top of my head. Loved that part.
Seinfeld (to telemarketer): “Uhh, I’m kind of busy right now. How about you give me your home phone number and I’ll call you back later?”
Telemarketer: “Uhhh…I can’t do that, Sir.”
Seinfeld: “Oh, I see. So you don’t want people phoning you and interrupting you at home?”
One of my favorite episodes is when Kramer takes Karate lessons, and he beats the stuffing out of the children, and then gets the shit knocked out of him by the same kids.
The same episode when Kramer and the kids are chanting, ice cream…ice cream in the station wagon.
The thing I like are those lines that aren’t funny in themselves, but only because Jerry Seinfeld was such a terrible actor. Don’t get me wrong; I love the show, and I can probably recite most of the episodes by heart, but the guy couldn’t act. I especially like when he’s trying to deliver his lines, but you can see him cracking up and he uses this high, whiny voice:
“Oh no! This phone’s a piece of junk!” [2-line phone episode]
“Kramer! Stay put! I WILL FIND YOU!” [Kramer is at the corner of First and First, the Vortex of the Universe or some such]
See, I told you they’re not even funny lines, but just thinking about how he said them cracks me up. I have a friend I can make shoot beer out his nose if I just say those lines at the bar.
My favorite scene has always been from the episode where Jerry’s parents come to visit so that his father (Morty) can go to a back specialist. Morty undresses and the nurse takes him to get an x-ray…when he comes back to the room, he checks his pants for his wallet and it’s not there. He sticks his head out the door and starts yelling at the top of his lungs “My wallet’s gone!! My wallet’s gone!!” Kills me every time.
There’s also the episode where George pees in the shower at the gym. He’s explaining it to Jerry, and Jerry asks him why he didn’t just hold it. George says it’s very bad for the kidneys. Jerry asks how he knows that…George replies that he read it in a medical journal. Jerry says “I see…and what do the medical journals have to say about standing in a pool of urine?”
“The Contest” episode, about being Master of their Domain. The three guys are looking at the naked woman across the street. Kramer walks out, walks back in a minute later, slaps his money down and says, “I’m out!!”
Well, I love many Seinfeld moments. Let’s see…
“NO SOUP FOR YOU! NEXT!”
from that same episode,
George- “You remembered the bread,”
Soup Nazi- “Don’t push your luck little man.”
Or,
Jerry- “I know your name…it’s…Mulva.”
Lady- “Bye Jerry.”
waiting a little while, Jerry runs to the window and shouts,
“Doloris!”
Tsugumo already mentioned my favorite Sienfeld moment: the rental car counter scene.
But Tsu, you forgot the absolutely best part – the end of the scene when the rental agent asks Jerry if he wants insurance. He responds (paraphrasing from my memory):
“Oh yeah. I’m gonna beat the crap out of this car.”