My bother says this is popular where he works:
Jesus is coming, look busy.
My favorite Homer Simpson saying: He did it because he’s stupid. That’s the only reason anybody does anything."
I think that’s a lot truer than most people want to admit it is.
My dad used to say “it’s not the bull or the bears that drive the market, it’s the hogs”.
I like saying “it’s amaaazing!” in the voice of Egghead, the proto-Fudd Warner Brothers character. I don’t do it very well. I also call up phrases from Krazy Kat and Milt Gross comic strips, but I only say them to myself.
Fake Latin - “Ich kvetch, ergo sum” (I complain, therefore I am).
Paraphrased from Trotsky - “Everyone has the right to be stupid, it’s just that some people abuse the privilege.”
Many years ago, I watched a ridiculously obscure French industrial espionage movie (Only the Cool, 1971) which was badly dubbed into English and had subtitles in Danish. One character worked at some kind of research institute. The Danish word for “research” is “forskning.” From that day forward, instead of using the word “research” or “researching,” I have said “foreskin” or “foreskinning.” Other people just have to get used to it.
Reminds me of…
“The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.”
Attributed to Mark Twain, but unverified, it sure sounds like something he would have said.
From Bill Watterson (Calvin & Hobbes):
BUUUURRRRP!
Must be a barge coming through!
If there are no dogs in heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. - Will Rogers
Not sure where it originated,
The price of eggs in China isn’t worth the wear and tear on the chickens ass in Japan.
From my grandfather: “Whipped him like a rented mule!”
Word I like: hijinx
I’ve known two people who would, in certain situations, say, “Well, fuck me running”.
No idea exactly what it means or where it came from, but the two people I’ve heard say it did not know each other.
He’s about as confused as a fart in a fan factory.
You’d give an aspirin a headache and you would argue with a fencepost.
After a particular loud and deep belch:
“I hope the movie is good!”
(a reference to the MGM lion)
“That’s as useful as French doors on a German submarine.”
He’s as busy as a one-armed paper hanger.
Veritas odium parit - Truth begets hatred (Terence)
N. S. A. Finally a government agency that actually listens to the American people.
Sign at a Bar: WE DON’T SERVE WOMEN (you have to bring your own).
I had a girlfriend who would come out with “well, fuck me flying backwards.” Fortunately, she didn’t mean it literally.
No Shirt No Shoes… No problem !! sign at Arnold’s grocery in Carbondale Illinois.
My Karma ran over your Dogma…bumper sticker gotten on a Grateful Dead tour.
Shit Fire and Save Matches…My 82 yr old Mom.
fastidious… I love the word, my interpretation is Anal retentive.
All that wander are NOT lost…same Dead tour.
Perfunctory*** … good word
86 that motherfucker, and deep six it.…heard by my senior chief in the Navy whenever we had something broke.
If you dont have time to do it right the fisrt time?, then when are you going to find time to redo it??…because you will. …me to my kids regarding homework.
Great, Cheap Or Fast…Pick two…
I use this a lot, and I’ve always attributed it to Lennon, too.
A popular one amongst lawyers who are negotiating, when somebody makes an outrageous demand: “pigs get fed but hogs get slaughtered.”
When something goes wrong (or I drop something): “Fuck happy” (a quote from the movie Brain Candy)
When you have a big task ahead: “One bite at a time”, which is the answer to the unspoken question, “How do you eat an elephant?”
When I am getting ready to work out or go to work and don’t really feel like it: “Time to earn your keep” (I didn’t get this from anywhere that I remember; it’s just what I say).
Also, when I’m trying to shake the sleepiness when I wake up early, I often will say to nobody, “waking up, boss”, which is my own little allusion to the movie Cool Hand Luke (although it’s not any sort of actual quote).
And here’s a word that’s fun to say: cacophony.
ETA: Another one I thought of, courtesy of my mother: “Everybody is crazy. They just lock up the ones who complain about it.” She also likes to remind me that “we are all the walking wounded”, meaning everybody is dealing with something.
Joey (owner of Joey’s The Edge) had an old, faded, dirty sign that said, “FREE BEER TOMORROW” over one end of the bar. A couple of times I overheard guys just noticing the sign (it was a splendidly dark bar) slur, “hey, we should come back tomorrow!”