I have a few that I’m known for. The “not so much a catchphrase as something I say to excess is” anyway, anyway, anyway, the whole together being about one syllable, as I tend to digress in talking.
Two I’ve become famous for with student workers, both spoken in the dialect/cadence of an obnoxious old southern man (think “Big Daddy”), are “Tell 'em go straight to hell!” and “Whatcha wan’ me to do about it, bust out cryin’?”. Both are used in private and sparingly enough that they’re unexpected, and particularly when not expected.
“Jon, there’s a lady on the phone from XYZ catalogs to speak to somebody about a reference order…”
“Tell her go straight to he-yull!”
or
“Jon, the copier has a jam…”
“Whatcha wan’ me to do about it, bust out cryin’?”
I’ll then take the call or fix the copier of course, but the nice thing being that some of the students have copied it and use it themselves. Sparingly.
I’ve recently adopted a 2yr cat who likes to tear around the house and jump up and down on things so because of him I’ve started using “Enhance your calm.” to him and in general conversation.
Every now and again I will get very annoyed with stupid people and tell them I will explain it in words of one syllable. Which led to my nickname - Sister One Syllable.
Not so much catchphrases as deliberate mispronunciations of places of business:
Kroger is Regork
Circuit City was Suck It Silly
Big Star (defunct supermarket) was Big Rats
Captain D’s (seafood place) is Captain Hook’s
Best Western is As Good A Western As Any
Sonic is Scenic
Long ago when it went by that name, Sears & Roebuck was Sit & Rearback
Toys R Us is We Be Toys and Shit
any Car Wash is a Car Mash
I got this from a conversation I overheard at the back of the bus in ninth grade, and now my family uses it to indicate that a change in topic is needed. “So, what do you think of the price of watermelons in Mexico?” Subtle, isn’t it?
I’ve also been known to use, “What does that have to do with the price of watermelons in Mexico?”
Muttered around my friends:
“These are my friends, I do not need to be afraid”
usually followed by:
“I trust you with my life, but not with my dignity.”
I tend to understate things and be vague. Sometimes my answer to questions is, “Something like that,” even when it’s exactly that.
Then there’s the one where someone insults me and I act pissed off. I say, “You know what?” If they don’t know me real well, they say, “What?” If they do, they say what I say to the former group, which is, “You can go to hell.”
I like to make an ironic statement, pause, then follow it with a phrase which completely negates it. I freely admit I stole the phrases from popular culture.
Like:
Wow, I completely believe that the company I work for has their employees’ best interests in mind - ONLY NOT!
Hey, that riced-out car parked in front of our house is is really great - FOR ME TO POOP ON!
When I was a little kid, my friend and I spent one winter vacation playing Joe Montana Sportstalk Football for Sega Genesis non stop. Ever since then I’ve adopted two phrases from the announcer which I say in the same disjointed compute generated voice.
When something neat happens: “Oooo My!”
When there is any sort of heavy precipitation: “It’s really coming down now!”
