When you get hit by a train, it’s not the caboose that kills you.
Never wrestle with a pig, you’ll get dirty. And the pig likes it.
I got that from my crazy beloved uncle, who also told me “Don’t argue with stupid people. They’re too dumb to know when they’ve lost.”
The version of the finger/moon thing I learned was from a graphic novel of Zen Koans.
I use my finger to point at the moon, but my finger is not the moon.
Paraphrasing Kevin Bacon’s character in Tremors:
Always plan ahead. That way you don’t have to do anything right now.
A few of my favorites:
Ignorance killed the cat; curiosity was framed.
“I do not feel obliged to believe that same God who endowed us with the sense, reason, and intellect, had intended for us to forgo their use.” – Galileo
Skills are the flowers you get if you water your talent bush well enough. – Spider Robinson (as Arethusa Quigley)
Cats keep their claws sharp because they know that just a purr may not be enough.
To understand the wacko mind, you have to think like they do — If you sincerely believe something to be true, it is true. Science is a foreign concept not to be trusted. - Jerry Cohen
“There are no mind-expanding drugs Only mind-contracting ones.” - Dr. John C. Lilly, circa 1980 (Heard personally in response to a question after a lecture I attended. Not MY question. :p)
“If you can’t convine them, confuse them.” Harry Truman
A couple work-related bits of wisdom:
Make the system work for you.
Document, document, document!
“There is no problem brute force and ignorance cannot solve.”
Though he didn’t write it, it was a favorite of my father, the nuclear reactor engineer.
I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
~~Woody Allen, Play It Again Sam
Thanks, I thought it was him but couldn’t recall exactly.
Another one whose origin I can’t recall: Be who you is, because if you be who you ain’t then you ain’t who you is.
don’t try to make the world a better place, just don’t be an asshole -me
A good French one is
It’s not that the well is too deep, it’s that the rope is too short
and an Arabic one
One day honey, one day onion (it rhymes: youm 'assal, youm basal)
The way I always heard it was, “There is no problem so bad that it can’t be made worse through brute force and ignorance.”
When I Googled the phrase I found all kinds of variants – I went with the version my father always said.
The only advice I think I could pass on to my hypothetical children is
Leave the zit alone until it’s ready to pop, and even then wait a little longer.
The early bird may get the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
TANSTAAFL.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. - Mark Twain
“Make memories you can live with.” Robert Knott
Attributed to Pete, an 87 year old man I once knew in San Antonio. He was a real Walter Brennan-type character.
This one has served me well…
“Don’t mess with shit unless you get it on ya.”
Beware of the man who carries only one book.