…never whistle while inserting your contact lenses.
Semper ubi sub ubi.
Wash your produce. Wash it again.
I actually was pretty lazy about it until I started work in a grocery store and have seen untold numbers of people sneezing and coughing and touching and smelling and tasting and who knows what else all over it.
Bumper sticker I spied yesterday: “If you can see the foam on my latte, you’re too close.”
If you have to eat a turd, it’s best not to nibble at it.
You cannot help someone by doing for them what they should or could do for themselves.
You can make reservations to go to the Uffizi and not wait in that godawful line. The Accademia too.
Don’t drink and drive… you might spill your drink…
If it wasn’t for time, everything would happen all at once.
Never stand up in a canoe.
Man, I sure learned that one the hard way…
Never canoe with somebody that doesn’t know not to stand up.
Once you’re a self-sufficient adult, the only thing you have to do is pay taxes. Don’t listen to all the people out there who claim “you have to try this / do this / spend time with those people / listen to A / buy X, etc” You really don’t.
Objects in the rear-view window are closer than they appear.
oh, for the love of – I meant Mirror, not Window.
Sigh.
LOL. Long day Blonde?
Research studies have shown that cursing when you have hurt yourself is actually good for you physically.
and along those same lines:
Studies show that people who curse a lot have lower cancer rates.
More like a hard day’s (last) night! I’m weary, but still here.
OK, I’ll try to get this one right the first time:
To know the road ahead, ask those coming back. – Chinese proverb
You don’t say? I don’t curse unless I’m really angry - but I think my chance of getting cancer just went down to 0% after my meltdown last night. 
I’ve posted this one before (and it’s a tad odd) - but here you go:
Don’t put your right hand down the disposal unit. – Mom
Shit! I knew I wasn’t cursing enough!
My contribution:
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.