Never, under any circumstances, rub your eyes after handling hot salsa. Jalepenos and the surface of the eye do not mix. It hurts very, very bad. Trust me on this one. 
Soy sauce and iced tea do not taste good together. Therefore, paying attention while preparing your tea is a good idea. This tip also applies to sugar in won ton soup.
Thank you.
That is all.
Ouch. Ouch. My sympathies.
Okay. I’ll add two.
When preparing/eating a dish with fresh habanero peppers, be sure not to blow your nose with the same napkin which you used to wipe your fingers.
Also, wash your hands before going to the bathroom, too.
If you find something in your medicine cabinet called “Heet” and it promises to relieve and stimulate sore muscles, don’t think it is a good idea to apply it to your balls. You will shower for twenty minutes afterwards and it will still hurt.
Do not inhale when eating doughnuts with powdered sugar on them. Especially while driving.
I think everybody knows this, but it bears repeating.
To follow-up on Ethilrist’s tip:
When you are putting cancer-dust (Nutra-Sweet or Sweet n Low) in your tea or coffee, be careful of the little puff that wafts upward from the cancer dust/liquid collision. DO NOT under any circumstances inhale it. Or you will be very sorry for a good three or four minutes.
I’d like to add , After cutting up any kinda of hot peppers you avoid touching your genitals at all.Nothing compares to a burning penis after going to the bathroom.
i had just moved to california. i had never seen a poblano pepper. i get a job at the fourth street grill, first day, chef sez: clean these peppers and stuff em with cheese. so i clean 300 chili peppers, run to the bathroom, wash my hands after and not before, and then have to work for five more hours with tears runnin down my face. i couldnt cop to it, it wuz too stupid. yikes! long day, that.
If your Aunt should happen to give you a jar of very tasty salsa for Christmas. And if said jar of salsa springs a leak so that you have to pour it into another container when you get it home. Wiping the salsa off your fingers before going to restroom is not good enough !
Oh yeah there was a hot time in the LIONsob/Ayesha household that night !
Welcome folks, to the “World O’ Pain” thread.
After making a dozen different salsas for a party, my hands felt like they were medium sunburned for three days. Not really that fun, trust me.
Use gloves.
When you go to work or school, or simply leave your house, it’s a good idea to make sure that your shirt isn’t inside out, or your fly unzipped.
Trying to hold a scared cat with your bare hands is not a good idea.
If you stub your toe on some sort of object, like a chair, it’s a good idea to move that object out of the way. This means that you can’t stub the same toe on the object a couple of hours later, saving yourself pain and embarassment.
When you have a cat that has a problem using the litter box (Because another cat uses it too), and goes on the living room floor instead, it’s a bad idea to walk around at night in the dark while barefoot.
Never fry bacon naked.
Never cut onions/hot peppers before taking out your contacts - my eyes turned a special shade of burning red when I did that. (Washing your hands isn’t enough, either.)
Scaring the cat when someone else is holding it doesn’t make you any friends either.
A baby has an incredibly strong grip, and is attracted to long hair, earrings, eyeglasses, noses, lips, necklaces, eyelids,…
If the sign says “Wet Paint”, trust it. You don’t have to touch for yourself.
Don’t take things out of boiling water or out of the oven with bare hands. (Seems like common sense, doesn’t it? You’d think so 
Check for pants when you leave the house.
Never apply nose drops with your head and the bottle inverted (like, say, laying on the couch with your head hanging over the side). You will squirt medication directly on your brain, your entire nasal passage will be seriously pissed at you, and your eyes will not stop watering until the next afternoon. Plus you will feel stupid.
Never attempt to impress a cute male German exchange student by asking if he speaks Douche. Your friends will still be mocking you for it at your tenth year high school reunion. And you will feel stupid.
Just because your mom said that chilling an onion helps when cutting does not mean that freezing will work even better. At least remember to thaw first.
Do not EVER read the message board while cooking supper. :eek:
[list=1][li]Never, EVER procrastinate.[/li]
[li]I’ll tell you the other one tomorrow.[/list=1][/li]
~~Baloo
When eating spicy food of any sort, drink milk with it – doing so keeps the spices from burning the mouth. (I think I read this in The Straight Dope!)
Don’t teach little children how to swear.
If you do something wrong, fess up ASAP.
Instead of snacking on junk food, drink a glass of 1% milk. Then go for a walk.
Drive carefully.
Whenever possible, watch black & white versions of films instead of “colorized” versions.