FBI to issue "5-Day Terror Forecasts"

[Jojo]

From Satirewire.com:

FBI To Issue 5-Day Terror Forecasts

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — Abandoning the last-minute, panic-inducing warning system it has used until now, the FBI today said it will begin issuing regular, five-day terror forecasts. Today’s outlook: light, scattered terrorism early, tapering off by noon. Tomorrow: Clear, and seasonably dangerous.

TAUNTED BY NEW U.N. CLASSMATES,
SWITZERLAND ALREADY WANTS TO GO HOME
“Everybody’s Mean to Me, and the Food Sucks,” Says Tiny Nation’s Ambassador

New York, N.Y. (SatireWire.com) Update — Picked on by bullies like the United States and China, and constantly taunted by its other new peers as “Neutrality Boy,” Switzerland, which Sunday decided to join the United Nations, is already regretting its decision, and wants to go home.

“This isn’t a community of nations, it’s a zoo,” said the Swiss ambassador after a voting bloc of central African nations ran his boxer shorts up a flagpole.

ANGERED BY SNUBBING, LIBYA, CHINA
SYRIA FORM AXIS OF JUST AS EVIL
Cuba, Sudan, Serbia Form Axis of Somewhat Evil; Other Nations Start Own Clubs

Beijing (SatireWire.com) — Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the “Axis of Evil,” Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the “Axis of Just as Evil,” which they said would be way eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of his State of the Union address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. “Right. They are Just as Evil… in their dreams!” declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. “Everybody knows we’re the best evils… best at being evil… we’re the best.”

I only found this site today, it’s hilarious.