I pit this goddamn yeast infection. I knew I was going to get it when I had to go on antibiotics last week for two other infections. I should have just gotten the cream for it then and saved an extra trip to the pharmacy.
And goddamn you, digestive system, for deciding lactose intolerance is the way to go. If not for you I could have been slamming yogurt and pretreating it that way. I’ve just now gotten over the gas from the one (1) cup of yogurt I had on Sunday and that was after taking dairy pills.
Mine are in their early 20’s and are all that now too but the key word is now.
There were definitely times in their toddlerhood that I considered what they might be worth on the open market and lets not even discuss the teenage years or LavendarBlue might faint.
I’ve often said that kids are cute because that’s the only thing that keeps humans from killing their young. It’s not just that they need to be taught, it’s also that their brain just doesn’t work right until they finish growing. There are key pieces missing that primarily deal with forethought and anticipating the results of their actions. When they say “I don’t know why I did something so incredibly stupid” they’re not lying they really don’t know but that doesn’t make it any less stressful for a tired parent.
LB might blow off steam more than some others but I guarantee it doesn’t mean she loves her kids any less.
But yeah I love my kids. I think people here would like my eldest very much. You have to like a ten year old who’s favorite show is Myth Busters. I just wish she’d do her damned homework.
The whole they have no idea what they’re doing is firmly why I’m against very harsh punishments let alone the death penalty for almost anyone under 25. Their brains simply aren’t developed enough to understand the consequences of their actions.
My own brain sucks sometimes. I swear to god I had the most wonderful idea for a series of books last night . . . right at midnight when I was trying to get to sleep. Stupid brain.
Today I had my annual employee review. It went well. I’ve only been here half a year so there wasn’t too much to say except that I was on course to succeed and tha they are working on outing me in a plant for 1-6 months. So far so good.
So why do I feel like I’m inadequate, that its hopeless and that I could never possibly succeed? Two reasons. First is depression. Second is because the last time I had an employee review, I was told I would be fired at the end of the year I spent there. Looking back in a rational state of mind at my last job (first “real” job out of college) I can tell it was a terrible fit. But I still remember how horrible I felt when my boss showed me what he thought of my performance and what steps we needed to take. I remember the abandonment I felt when I submitted my performance improvement plan only to be told that it was hopeless. It sucked. A lot.
So today, after my boss told me I’m awesome, I feel worthless. Can someone knock some sense into me?
Have fun there. I shall stay here in NJ where they’re busy predicting a blizzard this weekend grumble, grumble, grumble.
You haven’t been fired yet. So good for you. Sometimes it takes a while to find the right job. It sound like you’ve made a good start there so far. Keep up the good work!
This day has been completely worthless so far. Really, really slow data entry for our new donor database. I’m talking like 30-60 minutes per file and I have at least 100 files. My coworker said she wanted to take us to see her parents’ new business at lunchtime. I assumed it was a restaurant.
So it turned out to be a store selling Herbalife nutrition shakes. It was like being in an infomercial. And I drank the stuff and looked at their catalogs in order to be polite. Then they told me I should come to work early every day so I can drink their shakes. I currently get up at 5:30am to be at work by 8am. I’m not getting up earlier than that for pretty much any reason, much less something stupid like a diet shake.
This whole thing took over an hour.
Now I feel queasy and I never got a proper lunch.
Oh, and then I got caught in the middle of a big understanding between my boss and a board member, because my boss is out sick I had to try to resolve it. The stupid thing is I don’t even want to go to this stupid meeting, it’s in the evening and it’s for board members and attorneys, not development directors. I get the sense the board member doesn’t want me to go either. So I’m going to piss off a board member by doing something I don’t even want to do.
Latest pet peeve. I’m on an escalator (the two-person-wide variety) standing to the right because I don’t feel like walking up it at the moment. Someone else gets on the escalator, many steps behind me, then proceeds to walk up the escalator until they’re a step or two behind me, but then they won’t walk around me! So now they’re basically just standing on my ass, looking impatient, even though I’ve made plenty of room for them to pass!
Fuck you, guy/gal! What is your deal? Either go around me, or don’t start your little march until I’m already off the escalator! What exactly are you trying to accomplish???
You ever hear of mind over matter? You’re going to have to practice some mind over mind. You want to irrationally feel shitty about your review because of a bad prior experience. The first thing your brain did today was just assume it was going to be like last time and pull up the default emotional response.
But you know better than that and you’ve said as much. So for once tell the shitty part of your emotions to take a hike. You are in an awesome position to be in right now. You earned it. Don’t let primitive mental directives, left over from the days we were getting eaten by lions, ruin your day.
Ask yourself if it’s possible that Present Slalexan might be empathizing with Past Slalexan. Empathizing involves feeling what another person is feeling, even if it’s your own past self. If you think you might be doing that, you might be able to pull back from the feeling if you deliberately address sympathy to your past self.
Imagining giving hugs could help. Saying out loud, Past Self, “you had a shitty time, but you were never a bad or incompetent person, it’s going to get better” could help. Writing your past self a sympathy letter could help. Don’t worry about it sounding odd or silly. You’re trying to out-support an automatic urge to support your(past?)self, so that it knows the support is under control and it can cut it out.
And just in case your present self could use it: {{{slalexan}}}
Anyway. Fuck February. What a useless fucking month. I am finished with winter. Hate it, hate it, hate it. I want to take a fucking walk, fuck it. Also, fucking cold and flu season. I’m done with it, y’hear?
Probably the same kind of person who sits on your ass on the highway when there’s plenty of room for them to pass - some people just ain’t right, you know?
