My favorite bit:
Father Ted: It’s not as if everyone’s going to go off and join some mad religious cult just because we go off for a picnic for a couple of hours.
Father Dougal: God, Ted, I heard about those cults. Everyone dressing in black and saying our Lord’s gonna come back and judge us all!
Father Ted: No… No, Dougal, that’s us. That’s Catholicism.
“Is Father Jack all right? Oh dear, he’s been at the Toilet Duck again. …”
My favourite bit:
Bishop Facks: So, Father. Do you ever have any doubts about the religious life? Is your faith ever tested? Anything you would be worried about? Any doubts you’ve been having about any aspects of belief? Anything like that?
Father Dougal McGuire: Well, you know the way God made us all, right? And he’s looking down at us from heaven and everything?
Bishop Facks: Uh-huh.
Father Dougal McGuire: And then his son came down and saved everyone and all that?
Bishop Facks: Yes.
Father Dougal McGuire: And when we die we’re all going to go to heaven?
Bishop Facks: Yes. What about it?
Father Dougal McGuire: Well, that’s the bit I have trouble with.
And then of course, there’s small vs. far away. 