Personally, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a short polite note, as opposed to going up and knocking on the door. I’ve had good experiences leaving notes; and being female, I don’t really want to go knocking on some door when I don’t know who’s going to answer. Also, I kind of feel that when you confront someone on an issue like this, out of the blue, they tend to get kind of defensive about being called out, whereas with a note there’s a bit of a softening and once-removed quality. So they have a little time to think about it without someone staring at them expecting them to respond right away. I kind of like it when I have advance warning like that, but maybe that’s unusual.
I favor the approach of knocking on his door. The written word provides too many opportunities for hostile interpretation. A face-to-face approach provides you the chance to start out with a smile and a friendly demeanor. It also shows that you are a real human being rather than an anonymous crank.
I’d advise against you writing them a letter. It could later be used as evidence against you. This kind of thing is exactly why renting sucks so much. Even if they are reasonable people (and the chances of that ain’t great) they’ll probably be annoyed with you for bringing this up. You’re telling them they have to tiptoe around their own goddamned home and put you comfort before their own.
I think you need to either deal with it or move. FWIW, I’ve been in the same boat as you. A few years ago (in our last apartment before buying our own home) we had these neighbors above us. They had a 3-year-old son. They kept weird hours. The frequently woke all of us up late at night, running around, playing the friggin accordian, etc. My wife used to bang on the ceiling with a broomstick (never did any good). Apropos to nothing, the woman was smoking hot and used to wash her car wearing next to nothing right outside our living room window. She was fucking awesome.
Another note for just going to talk to the guy. First, I hate the sort of notes you’re contemplating. To me they read like, “I have a complaint but I can’t be bothered/don’t want to take the time to talk to you about it.” I recognize that my reaction to these sorts of communications borders on the irrational, but I really despise them. Second, I think it’s very hard to convey tone in a letter, and the communication “I know this isn’t really your fault but I have to complain about you anyway” requires careful attention to how you sound, and careful attention to their reaction so that you can gauge how you sound. Third, sending a written note inviting further dialog makes it seem like this is a Big Deal, when it isn’t, or shouldn’t be. Fourth, you put the onus on him to find you to talk about your problem. If you want to talk to him, just go find him. Which takes us back to the top.
This is precisely what I mentioned above and why I want dialogue. It’s a sticky situation. I don’t think it’s fair for me to say “You do this!” I want to have an atmosphere where they aren’t going to feel attacked, ambushed or backed into a corner.
My only thought as a prescription is for him to make an effort to walk “lighter.” When I first moved in, I noticed that when I walked on these floors it would make more sound than I was used to. After hearing my upstairs neighbor and translating that to what I’m doing to my downstairs neighbor, I’ve made it a habit to not come down on my heels so hard.
Yes: I’ve changed the way I walk in my apartment so I am not doing to my downstairs neighbor what my upstairs neighbor is doing to me. And it was no big deal. So I know it can be done without causing any pain, inconvenience or expenditure.
I just moved in. Been here just over a month. That’s why I’m trying to take the right action before I pack up again.
As to what he can expect of the upstairs neighbor, I can think of a couple things.
First, it might not be unreasonable to expect them to have carpeting. In every apartment I’ve lived in, there has been something in the lease about that. (One lease required that 80% of the floor surface be covered with carpet.) If their lease doesn’t have that provision, there’s not much you can do. But if it is in the lease and they don’t have carpeting, you can ask the landlord to enforce that requirement.
Second, it is definitely not unreasonable to ask them not to wear shoes in the apartment.
I have to tell you, though, in the end there may be no good remedy. I was that upstairs neighbor for a few years, and it was a miserable situation to be in. We did have carpeting and we never wore shoes indoors. I tried as hard as I could to walk quietly. Still, our downstairs neighbor complained constantly. She even threatened to sue us, and told me that the noise caused her to take up smoking cigarettes after having quit. Oy. I’m sure it was very stressful for her, but it was also stressful for us. I definitely felt like saying (and did, I think, when she threatened to sue) “What do you want me to do, float?”
As to whether you should send a note – I don’t know. I never did get a note, but I don’t think I would have minded. I do think a shorter version that is not quite as apologetic – something like friedo 's version – would be better.
It kind of sounds like you are literally tip-toeing around and expect your upstairs neighbor to do the same. I’m not sure that’s going to be too successful.
Does the guy have rugs on his floors? Can you ask him to walk around in his stocking feet instead in shoes? Because if it was my place, the place was carpeted and I was taking his shoes off already, I have to say that if it were me I’d think there wasn’t more you could reasonably ask me to do and your problem would be with the landlord.
I think even if they don’t have carpeting, you can ask the landlord to provide it (assuming they don’t mind). At the end of the day, the problem isn’t really with the tenant, it’s with the building. So you would not be out of line to ask the landlord to supply carpet if there isn’t carpet already, if the tromping around on bare floors is disturbing your quiet enjoyment of your own home.
OTOH, the one time I lived in a cool old apartment with hardwood floors, I had area rugs only because I loved the floors. If the landlord had been willing to install wall-to-wall carpeting, I would have said no.
I don’t know. There are definitely assholes in the world, but I’ve found that most of my neighbors are pretty reasonable. I’ve knocked on a few doors, and people have always complied with a smile. (They weren’t walking loudly, usually it was a loud stereo or grandkids riding Big Wheels in the halls and banging into other peoples’ doors.) Then again, I’m blessed to live in a building mostly full of friendly people.
On the other hand, I may have to talk to the person who lives above me. I don’t know if he/she/they just moved in, but I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt for now that they’re dealing with heavy boxes and moving furniture. If it doesn’t stop in a week or so, I’ll ask them to please stop dribbling bowling balls.
Holy shit, that’s funny! 
Knock on the door, introduce yourself and mention the small problem. The worst that could happen is he’s a serial killer and you’re the next victim. The best that can happen is she’s a voluptuous blonde with a high libido.
My guess is it will be a normal person who will be glad to try and stay a bit quieter, if asked politely.
Might want to try some background noise when you sleep. Something like a fan, or a quiet radio. Making an attempt to solve the issue yourself will go a long way to showing your neighbor you aren’t just complaining at him.
Brad Serum, I think over the next few months you’ll start to get a little more used to the noises in your apartment, lot’s of people live perfectly happily in older buildings. But if that doesn’t happen it might just not be the right place for you. You could talk to the landlord about moving to a top-floor unit when one becomes available, I did this about a year ago and the building manager was perfectly happy to accommodate me. Also note that many high-rise building (my new condo included!) have joyfully soundproof concrete floors.
I don’t think that it would hurt to just go knock on their door, but I think you have to have the attitude of “I know there isn’t much that you’re required to do for me ['cause management already confirmed this] but I’d consider it a favor if you could be mindful of what time it is when you walk around.”. Rugs would help, but if it wasn’t in the lease then they are under no obligation to put any down.
I personally would rather get a knock on the door then a note from a neighbor, I think under the circumstances they at least deserve the courtesy of a personal introduction. I’d wonder why the person spent the time to craft a note instead of just coming to talk to me. And if they didn’t feel comfortable talking to me (not the case here) I’d rather they just take it to the landlord so a 3rd party can mediate.
I used to live below someone who walked on their heels. Very annoying. He didn’t realize that he even walked this way or that it made that much noise.
Try it at home sometime, barefoot. Try placing most of the weight of your body on the balls of your feet instead of mostly on your heels first. It’s a far more comfortable way to walk and probably will keep your feet/ankles/shins/legs/knees healthier longer. He thanked me for pointing it out and it sounded like he made a conscious effort to correct his walk.
I walk this way because I’m the first up in the morning and if I don’t make an effort to “be quiet” I’ll have the kids up two hours before they need to be (we have loud floors).
Plus it’s more comfortable on the heels.
I’m wondering if it’s a guy that lives upstairs from the OP. Over the years, I’ve noticed that most loud walkers tend to be women of very little bulk. A few years ago, I met the tenant that lived a thunderous life in the apartment above me. She was this tiny Asian woman who probably didn’t weigh more than 105.
I got one of these to cover up a neighbor’s 6am alarm, worked great for me (although my boyfriend wasn’t too fond of the sound). Anyhow, there are many ‘soothing sounds’ products out there if usual household stuff doesn’t work for you.
I’d agree that asking someone to tiptoe ain’t going to be successful, but that’s not what I’m doing. It’s hard to explain, but it’s more horizontal foot movement, and less coming down on one’s feet with force. Like I said, hard to explain, but it makes quite a difference with these floors.
Ha! I think you guys are underestimating what I’m dealing with. It varies a bit, but it’s this THOOM - THOOM - THOOM sound. And again, it’s not just the noise, but the vibrations rattle the windows in their frames.
Not much to add except don’t ask’s post = comic gold.
I thought it was funny, but you came across as a bit of a smart ass.
I would suggest you the building manager to bring it up, primarily as a scheduling conflict.
The neighbor will know it is your complaint, but he won’t have the opportunity to get aggressive-defensive.
I once had this problem; sometimes I though it was an earthquake. The neighbors were not used to apartment living (I think their house burned down).
We spoke to them, they apologized; they were never quiet (they had kids), but they never (well, seldom) shook the windows again, and we got used to the piano.