Noise Problems Next Door: To write a note or not to write a note?

In My Humble Opinion
1

As referenced in this less-than-scintillating Pit thread, I am having some noise problems with my new neighbor. He is not particularly loud volume-wise, but he seems to be incapable of being at home and not making some noise that is audible quite clearly in my apartment. The primary problem is the guitar-playing, along with his stereo and TV.

Basically, I’m not one to rock the boat, and I’d hate to end up with a neighbor that hates me, but this can’t continue. It seems kind of jerky to go directly to the building management about the problems without trying to ask him politely to tone it down. However, I am too chicken to do this in person. So I thought of writing a note, and I have in fact composed one:

Now, here’s what I know about the guy (all gleaned from a move-in day conversation with his dad, I still haven’t met him myself). He is a student at a local arts college, majoring in communication. It’s his first apartment, so he’s probably 18 or 19. I’ve seen him through peeping out my peephole when there is noise at his door (it’s right next to mine) and he looks like a mainstream kid, not punk-y or hippy-ish or anything like that.

So, what do Dopers think I should do? Is the note poorly worded? How might he react? I can’t just deal with the noise, so something must be done. Any alternative courses of action?

2

personally i think it always best to talk to someone face to face, it reduces misunderstandings and gives an opportunity for some give and take. He may be willing to practice the guitar at a time when you are not home if he knows when that time might be…

3

Oh yes, face to face is much better. This a 18-19yo who’s father is around, not some axe murderer.

If he’s new to the building, let that be your starting point. As in, “I know you just moved in, and you may not realize how the noise carries in this building, but the guitar playing and the stereo is a little loud. Could you please turn it down. And be sure to tell me if I’m ever too loud too.”

If he doesn’t turn it down, go to the manager. Right away.

And if you you can’t face him, and can only leave a note – shorten it-- by about 90%. To the point!

Good Luck.

4

The note is poorly worded. It’s too polite. Too… meek. Your letter gives the impression that keeping quiet is a favor you’re asking of him. You don’t want that dynamic. The message you want to be sending is “You are doing something wrong. No biggie, this time. But now that I’ve told you, if it happens again I’m not going to waste my time… the landlord and/or the police will hear about it.” Because that’s the reality of the situation.

Also, practicing guitar in an apartment? No fucking way. He should not be doing that at all, ever. If you live in an apartment and want to learn to play the guitar, or drums, or anything that connects to an amp, rent a practice space and do it there. This is a totally uncontroversial rule of apartment life that everyone should know.

-fh

5

For an initial contact the note is too long. Notes of this type can produce a defensive reaction because the recipient will see a piece of paper and get that gut reaction akin to seeing a piece of paper (and possibly an envelope) under their windshield wiper.
Go ahead and just hie thee on over to the neighbor’s next time he’s producing an unsatisfactory level of noise and be supra-casual about it: “Dude, these apartments have some seriously crappy insulation, I can almost hear your cat fart. No really, anyway, I’m trying to study and I was wondering if you could turn it down a little bit.” Hopefully, he’ll be nice and turn it down and all will be well. You can offer to bring him in to your apartment to hear the stereo/TV, and to be nice, you can also offer that you will turn it down (or whatever) if/when he feels like you’re making too much noise. It really isn’t fair to expect someone to tiptoe around their place (and I know you don’t think you’re asking that, but he may take it that way if you leave a note like that) and so you may have to end up taking your own measures against the sounds, by placing your own soundproofing if it is so important and you cannot desensitize yourself.
Also, as a grad student, you know the library is your best friend and should be able to find its equivalent havens around Boston.
Good luck (and ditch that note]!
P.S. The schedule isn’t such a bad idea, if he really is a nice guy.

6

Melandry,

Someone could easily misconstrue your note as “I’m gonna be a PhD when I grow up, which is very important. Your pointless, infantile guitar playing makes me mess up my homework, which will someday deprive the world of a great leader (me). Waaah!”

I think you should do this in person rather than with a note, but whichever you do, I think this is roughly what should be said:

-Introduce yourself, and welcome him to the neighborhood. And really mean it. Don’t come off sounding like the jerk at the corner store who says “have a nice day” when it’s already nightfall.

-Always start out with the assumption that he doesn’t know he’s making too much noise (which is probably true).

-Tell him what time you go to bed, so he can be extra-quiet during that time. “Since I have to get up at 5, I’m in bed most nights by 9” will suffice. A PhD doesn’t come into play here; a Taco Bell worker who gets up at 5AM still deserves a good night’s sleep.

-You were going to mention that you think his stereo gear is against your shared wall; make light of this fact by laying the blame somewhere else. “The idiots who built this place didn’t make it very soundproof.” Even though the apartment’s builder may not be at fault, you and your neighbor will find common ground in ridiculing him.

-Try to mention his guitar in a positive way, if possible. If any of the following statements truthfully apply, say them: “My cousin’s in a band and they need a guitar player; can I give him your number?” “Your playing sounds pretty good. I’m having a couple of friends over for dinner next week; maybe you’d join us for dinner and then play for us.”

Here’s possibly a really good way to drop a hint: “I used to have a roommate who played guitar…he would play and play and play…I’d go to bed at one in the morning, but he’d just plug some headphones into his guitar amp and keep on playing all night!”

End the discussion/letter by giving him some sort of “benefit”: “If it’s 10AM and I haven’t retrieved my newspaper from my doorstep yet, help yourself to it.” “I know this part of Boston pretty well; let me know if you need advice on finding a parking space.” “Hey, I’ve got a pile of food-delivery menus I never use; want them?” You get the idea.

The biggest thing to remember is that if he hates you, he’ll comply to the rules just enough to not get evicted. If he likes you, he’ll go out of his way to respect your needs…that’s just human nature. Show him kindness, show him that you’re a human being, and I think the two of you will be off to a good start.

7

I am another person who thinks its a much better idea to just talk to this guy face to face. It would be a good opportunity to get to know a neighbor, and I think its very likely he’d have no problem quieting down or wouldn’t be offended or anything. I think writing a note would be more likely to make you think you had a real problem (besides the noise) with him, or that you didn’t like him or whatever. You would have no problem with him if he kept a little quieter right?

If you do really want to stick to the note, I would make it a lot shorter and more laid back. I wouldn’t include lines like the one about you not signing up for a concert series. Just a simple few sentences to make him aware of the fact that he is disturbing you (but you aren’t pissed at him, yet).

I think this guy is probably just oblivious to the fact that he is disturbing you. Just simply letting him know should be enough to get him to tone it down. I don’t think you really have to back up your points or detail specific problems just yet.

8

I don’t think a note is a bad idea but yours sounds kind of snotty. I think you should make it a LOT shorter, and just say that you know he probably isn’t aware of it but the sound really travels through the walls and you wonder if he could turn down his TV and switch rooms to practice his guitar. If I got the note the way you have it written now, well, it wouldn’t make me any too inclined to “be a good neighbor.”

9

I think Chris Luongo has answered the question in an excellent way, and his/her suggestions are perfect. You have no reason to suspect the guy will be anything other than helpful and responsive when you bring the problem to his attention, and there are things in your letter that, although well intentioned, would probably annoy me a little if I were to receive it. Remember, life is so much easier when you get on with your neighbours!

The only thing I’d add to Chris’ letter suggestion would perhaps be a time (an hour each day, that is negotiable to suit you both) where he can practice his guitar to his heart’s content.

Don’t forget to mention that you’d ordinarily enjoy his guitaring if you weren’t studying, and that he sounds like he has a talent! A compliment would put him in a much more receptive mood to your needs.

Good luck!

10

Make him a gift of a decent set of headphones with a long cord or audio extension cord. It might be a good-will, cushion-the-blow gift for both you and him.

-B

11

Yup, just go talk to the guy. Or, if you insist on leaving a note, make it short and sweet, and don’t explain why you’d like the guy to keep it down. No one likes listening to their neighbors at all hours, you don’t need to tell him why. I like Tortuga’s approach-- let him know how thin the walls are (hell, you could invite him in for a beer and have him put his stereo on, so he can hear his own noise through your walls).

Anyway, definitely try to resolve it with him directly first. I certainly would’ve appreciated that from my neighbors when they had a problem with the fact that I let my cat out into the hall periodically. Instead of talking to me or leaving a note asking me not to do that, they went straight to the management who then slapped me with a $400 fine and a nasty note, to boot. Sheesh. (And for the record, the cat would stay within 10 feet of my door, which was propped open. He never made noise, or ruined anything, or made mess. He just hung out and watched the world go by.)

12

I agree with everything that everyone has said about talking face to face or at least shortening the note and making it a bit less condescending. I have one other thought. If the TV and stereo are not especially loud, but just constant, I am inclined to say that that’s his perogative and is just an unfortunate part of apartment living.

13

Just go tell them to turn “the fucking” stereo down.

Seriously.

I’ve found that being blunt and sprinkling a little vitriol in there gets the job done 99% of the time. For some reason people respond better when a few well placed curses are thrown their way, at least in situations where they are obviously wrong. The secret is to say in your calmest voice possible,

“excuse me, I haven’t said anything the previous times, but you really need to turn that fucking stereo down, I, like half the building am trying to sleep, Thank you”.

Blunt and to the point will avoid any misunderstanding. Keep in mind though, as other dopers have pointed out, apartment living has certain pitfalls.

14

Just go tell them to turn “the fucking” stereo down.

Seriously.

I’ve found that being blunt and sprinkling a little vitriol in there gets the job done 99% of the time. For some reason people respond better when a few well placed curses are thrown their way, at least in situations where they are obviously wrong. The secret is to say in your calmest voice possible,

“excuse me, I haven’t said anything the previous times, but you really need to turn that fucking stereo down, I, like half the building am trying to sleep, Thank you”.

Blunt and to the point will avoid any misunderstanding. Keep in mind though, as other dopers have pointed out, apartment living has certain pitfalls.

15

Just go tell them to turn “the fucking” stereo down.

Seriously.

I’ve found that being blunt and sprinkling a little vitriol in there gets the job done 99% of the time. For some reason people respond better when a few well placed curses are thrown their way, at least in situations where they are obviously wrong. The secret is to say in your calmest voice possible,

“excuse me, I haven’t said anything the previous times, but you really need to turn that fucking stereo down, I, like half the building am trying to sleep, Thank you”.

Blunt and to the point will avoid any misunderstanding. Keep in mind though, as other dopers have pointed out, apartment living has certain pitfalls.

16

Another vote for talking to the guy face-to-face next time the noise is bothering you, and if the problem continues, contact management. The note comes off as rather snotty, IMO.

17

I have found just the opposite to be true. “A few well-placed curses” can cause animosity where there could be mutual consideration.

Personally, I’d ask nicely but firmly. It may progress to vitrol, but I wouldn’t start there. I have a nice car and I’d hate to have it keyed.

18

I know you mean well, Melandry, but if I got a note like that, it would just put me on the defensive. I would definitely try the friendly face-to-face approach. Realize that you may have to be flexible in what you expect. It’s not unreasonable for someone to be listening to music or watching TV at 8 pm. Think about what you absolutely cannot tolerate–maybe it’s guitar playing anytime, maybe it’s loud noises after 11 pm–and try starting there. Make it clear that you’re willing to bend, too. If he agrees to keep quiet hours after 10 or 11 pm, maybe you could promise to be extra silent until 11 am, assuming he’s a night owl who likes to sleep late.

You shouldn’t have to put up with excessive noise, like someone practicing an electric guitar next door. On the other hand, it sounds like the apartments may just have lousy sound-proofing. One of the drawbacks of apartment living. You may just have to invest in some ear plugs.

19

I went over to his place & banged on the door (had to, otherwise you couldn’t hear it with his music so loud) & told him in no uncertain terms to turn down the volume, its causing the house to shake & vibrating the floors.

20

I usually make very little effort to be nice, seeing that the person I’m dealing with lacks the common sense to not blare their stereo at 3 in the morning.

Whatever method works best for you, is of course, the best way to handle these things.