Need advice regarding oversensitive neighbors

In My Humble Opinion
1

Oh where to begin. I’m really pissed off.

We live in a five unit apartment building. We are on the second floor. We’ve been there for almost four years now. The downstairs neighbors are a problem. What is the problem? Apparently we are too loud. The bookworm and the internet nerd are TOO LOUD.

It began shortly after they moved in, about 2 or three years ago. The previous neighbors had never said a thing to us about noise. But these guys would pound on the ceiling at nearly anything. Once when I was wrestling with the dog on the floor. Once when I was putting the pots and pans away in the kitchen. Then one weekend we had my friend come over, with her two kids (ages 2 and 4) and their babysitter. The next day the landlord called us and said the neighbors reported us as having a wild party. This was at about 2 PM on a Saturday. I explained that we had some kids over. He seemed kind of embarrassed, and let it go.

The main problem is that they don’t give us 60 seconds before they start banging. Like wrestling with the dog - we might be laughing and on the floor thumping around for 20 seconds before they start banging. When I was putting pots and pans away I couldn’t have been doing that for more than 2 or 3 minutes at the most. One night they banged when my husband turned off his computer - his volume was up a bit and he hadn’t realized it, so that Microsoft “shutting down” music was a bit loud - but it lasts for 4 seconds at the most! Most of the time by the time they start banging we are already done with whatever we were doing.

I have tried to accomodate them by taking off my shoes when I’m in the house. Husband doesn’t do this as much as I do. But by and large, we are quiet. I mean really quiet. Dream neighbors, OK? On a typical weekday day we get up around 7:30, leave by 8:30, come back around 5:30, make dinner, watch TV, maybe do some reading or computer stuff and then I’m in bed by 11 PM. Husband is usually in bed by 1 AM because he stays on the computer. We have NEVER had a party. We rarely even have guests. I don’t do jazzercise or dance, sometimes I do yoga on a mat, which is not loud. We hardly ever play music. On the weekends we often go out, sometimes I’ll do gardening on the patio or work in the kitchen on an elaborate meal.

Last night we were cleaning. We have a roomate/friend coming to live with us on Tuesday and I wanted to get things ready for him. I was cleaning the kitchen - wiping the counters and sinks with a sponge. Husband cleaned the bathrooms. This consisted of wiping counters and sinks, cleaning toilets, and finally, mopping. By the time he got to mopping it was late - around 11 PM. He did one bathroom (these rooms are about 5 feet by 7 feet so it doesn’t take long.) Then as he was carrying the mop bucket to the other bathroom, they started banging. He finished the other bathroom (took about 2 minutes) and we were done.

WTF? We weren’t vacuuming, we weren’t playing music, we weren’t yelling, we weren’t running. They banged WHY? Husband was wearing shoes, but he was mopping and had to go down to the laundry room in 10 minutes.

These people have no idea how loud we could be. They don’t give us 30 seconds before they start banging. They bang at hours ranging from 2 PM to 11 PM. They are totally unreasonable!

So here’s the deal: I am 5 months pregnant. Soon we will have a screaming baby to deal with at all hours of the night. What are they going to do then? Bang until the baby stops crying? What happens when we want to play on the floor with our kid? I am starting to worry. Before I just hated them, now I’m starting to feel threatened. These people have never once spoken to us. We see them in the hall and they scowl and give us the stink-eye. They act like children themselves!

I’m considering sending a certified letter to them and the landlord, explaining all this and letting them know that when we have a baby the harrassment won’t be tolerated and I will call the police. I know it sounds ironic since supposedly we are the loud ones, but I feel like they are harrassing us. I can’t set a glass down on the coffee table without worrying that they are going to freak out. What happens when the baby won’t stop crying?

Normal people stay up until midnight doing things around the house (we sit quietly), normal people have friends over regularly (we rarely do), normal people have kids playing in their house (we rarely do). Normal people play music every day (we rarely do), normal dogs run and play (our dog is old and mellow). What the fuck? What are we supposed to do? Believe me, I’d LOVE to move out ASAP but we are saving for a house and don’t want to move in between now and buying, which will probably be next year some time. I’m considering taking up clog dancing and buying a gun.

2

Videotape! I’m not kidding, videotape several evenings, then go visit your landlord and play the tape for him. Let him know this is typical of your downstairs neighbors, and you WILL NOT be tolerating that kind of shit when the baby is born, because it will wake the baby. Why did you let it get to this point anyway, why didn’t you stand up for yourself before this? Not blaming, really, but asking what your thought process was that let you put up with that?

3

Why haven’t you talked to them? So what if they give you the stink eye, if you won’t talk to them how will this ever get resolved?

4

Definitely write a letter. At least. You are being harassed and you’re the ones who’ve been in the building fr longer, without any noise complaints from your other neighbors. They can move into a (more expensive) private building if they are so sensitive to noise, or they can shut up and deal with it. You certainly do sound like over-accommodating neighbors and you shouldn’t have to live with such unpleasant people.

5

You could put some carpet down.

We have a similar problem with our upstairs neighbors. We can hear them just doing normal walking around stuff pretty clearly. We don’t make a big deal of it though unless they are having a loud party and it starts to get really late.

The point is, some buildings have really bad accoustics and transmit even the slightest sound through the floor.

6

Well, a big part of the problem is that by the time they start banging it’s usually all over already. So they probably think the banging is effective. I have wanted to go downstairs and say something but husband always wants to “let it go”. I have convinced him as of this morning that we need to do something. But part of me always thought, it’s their problem, they should come to us and discuss it like adults. But they never did.

7

I think you need to determine, with your landlord (and with your neighbors, for maximum effectiveness) exactly what “too loud” means. And you need to do it in some unambiguous, mathematical way. What decibel level, for what duration, is unacceptable for them, and is that realistically within reasonable levels for you? That will take some playing around with, of course, and some flexibility on both your parts. But it’s possible that them seeing that you’re making an attempt is all they need to feel “heard” and important enough to get on with their lives.

It’s actually possible that even a normal walk is loud downstairs - our upstairs neighbors are not unreasonable, but the amount of squeak in the floors in our building is unbelievable. Even their rocking in a chair at 3 AM honestly does wake us up sometimes. But, of course, I’m a reasonable human being and I don’t bang on their floors. Instead, I asked them (during the day, when no one was exhausted and cranky) to try moving the chair a bit to one side if it wasn’t too big a deal, and together with some walkie-talkies we worked out a layout that works for them and doesn’t hit the worst of the squeaky boards.

8

These people are unreasonable. It’s part of the territory when you rent an apartment underneath another that there will be noise. Loud parties- complain.
Loud music- complain. Screaming fights- complain.
But if it bugs you when someone walks with shoes on, vacuums, talks loudly, has guests over, watches tv, baby cries, etc. well then it’s time for YOU to move, not them.

9

Even so WhyNot, they reported them for “having a wild party” when it was that they’d had young child guests over. And they thump on the ceiling at 2pm in the afternoon! Maybe a few 2pm clog dancing sessions are in order for your husband, complete with parading (clomping) down the hall in front of their apartment so they can get an idea of what real noise is? J/K :wink: (But tempting, and amusing to think of, eh?)

10

When my apartment neighbor was playing his music too loud, I knocked on his door and asked him to come into my apartment to hear it. I wanted him to hear how loud it was in my apartment relative to how loud he had it in is apartment. That seemed to help alot. But I could not figure out how to get their cooking smells out of my apartment!

11

Oh, sure! I absolutely agree that they’re out of line here (the downstairs neighbors, that is, not the OP and her husband.) I’ve just found that treating unreasonable people in an unreasonable way (although emotionally satisfying, like your clog dancing idea!) oddly enough doesn’t make them more reasonable. :wink: I find that going to the other extreme - solicitousness and logic - is ultimately more useful. Even if it doesn’t get them to change their unreasonableness, at least you can feel justified, in that you didn’t stoop to their level. And who knows? Maybe the floors really do suck that bad and the landlord needs to reinforce floorboards or put in carpet! But I think it more likely that the neighbors simply and literally, don’t feel heard or feel that their needs (no matter how unreasonable they are) aren’t being taken into account. A little diplomacy might ease that tension.

Or not. But at least if you’ve tried, you can don the clogs with a co-ordinating cloak of righteousness! :smiley:

12

I once shared a duplex with the Most Sensitive Neighbor in the World. She complained to the landlord that I coughed in the shower and she could hear me (she came over and suggested sinus medication); every time I had a friend over – no matter the time of day – she would come over and ask us to speak in whispers.

This lasted four months before I moved!

13

Sorry to hear about your situation - sounds like they’re making more noise than you are with all this floor banging. It is way past time for a confrontation - these characters think they can bang on the ceiling with impunity at the slightest audible sound of movement from upstairs? Not acceptable in any shape or form.

You need to grasp the nettle and get down there next time this imbecilic form of communication is heard through your floorboards. A ‘What the fuck are you doing banging on my floor, you cunt?’ attitude is most definitely the order of the day, although stating it in those bald terms will be counter-productive. Clear communication that you’re pregnant and won’t stand for this ridiculous state of affairs is required.

This will go some way to resolving the situation, in that they will either wilt and give you some biscuit-arsed explanation of how they’re incredibly noise-sensitive. Having spoken to you, they will then think twice before commencing a bout of ceiling abuse in the future. On the other hand, it may turn in to a bit of a confrontation. Not to worry, state your case and go back to your apartment, secure in the knowledge that you’re living above them, you’ve got the baby, and noise travels downwards.

Seriously, it is better to have it out with them then be walking on eggshells in your own home. If you’re not one for confrontation, and really no one relishes these situations, be mindful that there is nothing more powerful than a pregnant woman with a point to prove - everyone will back down from you IME.

14

Yeah, as unpleasant as the prospects, I agree that your only options are confront them or move. Stories like this make me so glad I live in detached housing!

After you speak with them, you will probably wish to notify the landlord as well, maybe copying the neighbors. Really sounds unpleasant. Sorry you have to deal with this.

If they did not respond appropriately to you talking with them, I admit I would be tempted to intentionally be more noisy than before, and respond to their ceiling knocking with some foot stomps. Hell, even if the call the police, it isn’t as tho a responding officer is going to do anything when he sees your situation.

Really think to hate of a situation developing into a feud, tho. Life is too damned short.

15

Not that this helps YOU, but it certainly seems that their expectations are out of line. If they are so sensitive to noise, then it is upon THEM to make sure they rent a separate home with no shared walls. Or seek an apartment on the top floor. Or find a building with exceotional soundproofing.

I think the first suggestion was insightful: videotape a typical activity that incites the banging. Talk to the camera in a normal voice so there’s some sense of what the general level is, and go ahead and mop or put away dishes or whatever it takes to get them banging. That video will help the landlord (or anyone else) understand the truth of your story. You definitely want to do this before the baby is born because then things are going to be different and their noise concerns may be more sympathetic to third parties.

16

Stop being careful and make normal noise. Tough shit for them, and complain to the landlord about the thumping noises from downstairs.

17

I would just go to the landlord and tell him that they are harassing you by banging on the floor all the time. Next time they do it, call him the next morning. Perhaps tell him it you were willing to let it slide before but not now that you’re pregnant. Normally I would vote for just going downstairs for a chat, but in this case there’s a good chance they will not be open minded and so I think it’s better to use the landlord as a mediator, resolving these sorts conflicts is one of his responsibilities. If the landlord doesn’t do anything then maybe try to start a conversation, but I wouldn’t be too optimistic – if they wanted to work this out in a friendly way then they would have come upstairs a while ago.

I also agree with msmith537 that carpet would help, if you don’t have it already. I know it might seem unfair to suggest that you accommodate someone who is unreasonable, but just because they give up on reason doesn’t mean that you have to as well. Perhaps the landlord would be willing to pay to have it installed in some of the rooms.

18

You really need your landlord on your side.

And these people are HARASSING YOU. That is clear. They don’t know how to live in an apartment and they have totally unreasonable expectations of quiet. You have every right to live a normal life without the constant assault every time you make the slightest noise.

Raise the baby issue with the landlord. S/he really needs to have a firm talk with those people and tell them to Knock It The Fuck Off. Or Move. S/he should also ask to inspect their apartment for damage to the ceiling due to all the unnecessary banging and threaten to not only bill them for any damages, but to evict them if they do cause damage to the unit.

Got any friends who are police officers? Invite them over, then do whatever you normally do, and hope the downstairs people go nuts. Then have your friend speak to them. Or heck, call the police about the harassment on a low priority call, as them to come in and do the same thing. Heck, my sister is a state building official and a city inspector. Not the city where I live, but I’ve successfully dealt with apartment issues in the past by having her show up IN UNIFORM and speak to the apartment management.
Hell, just take a friday night (like tonight), listen to music or TV at entirely reasonable levels, do your vacuuming, your mopping, move furniture and so forth. Let them bang the shit out of the ceiling. Hell, call the police on them! Report the “loud banging” and harassment, let the police show up, show them what you’re doing, make it clear that you’re pregnant (sympathy counts!) then let them deal with the downstairs neighbors! Then call the landlord and report what happened and suggest that you’re worried about the damage those neighbors might be causing that downstairs unit.

19

i would suggest you take up clogging.(sp) Tap dance would work as well. Point a sub-woofer at the floor?

After a few weeks, go back to normal operations, then they will think you are quite.

20

I don’t think you really have anything to worry about to be honest.

In a few months there will be a new baby and very likely no one will be getting any sleep. Such is life. My thinking is that if your normal bookish behaviour is sending them into fits imagine what a screaming baby will do for them. And what will they do then? Bang on the ceiling and demand the baby be more reasonable? And when that doesn’t work? Complain to the landlord? About your baby?

It seems to me, no matter what you do, this will escalate and come to a head. They will be revealed as the jerks they are and, if I had to guess, they’ll end up moving to escape the unbearable noise! And you’ll be well rid of them!

All you have to do is have a baby and wait them out, I know it’s annoying but so is parenting, think of it as an exercise in patience. If I was you, I’d be smiling sweetly and waiving every single time I saw them, with real enthusiasm.