Since this is basically a poll, I’ll move it to IMHO for you.
Cajun Man
for the SDMB
Another “Never” answer here. I am completely monogamous and would never be comfortable with my guy sleeping with anyone else. That includes threesomes and such…not interested in sharing my guy at all.
faithful does not equal monagamous 'round these parts.
No circumstances. Ever.
He was single for 32 years, you all had your chances.
He’s mine, all mine, and I don’t appreciate any enroachments on my time with him. I’m very demanding and there’s just enough for me with nothing left over for other women. He will not dally. He knows not to leave me with time alone to plot: I am a vicious creature. I have fangs.
He’s not mine to share. His time is his own, and he spends it how he wants to spend it. As long as I’m not at any significantly increased risk for STDs, I decline to have a say in anything like this (meaning, he decides for himself). Of course, the question of STDs has put a stop to one or two possiblilties for him, but I don’t feel that it’s an unreasonable request.
Never.
Luckily, we both seem to be naturally monogamous people.
I do.
It’s called his mother.
A thousand times ditto. That kind of sharing just isn’t in my blood.
Grant a close friend’s request to have sex with him? No, not a close friend. That would be way too weird. A bunch of us were at a party and we were all pretty well pissed. I found out later SP snogged my best friend. I wasn’t mad, but it was weird…so definitely not with a close friend.
Let him have a long-term relation with who would effectively be his other wife, if she was someone you approved of? Yes, and no. She couldn’t be like a second wife. He couldn’t have that much commitment to her. If he met someone who he grew to be very good friends with and it moved to something more, I wouldn’t tell him to stop seeing her. BUT, it would have to be secondary to our relationship. I had a relationship like this and was very upfront with SP about it. It lasted 2½ yrs. It didn’t harm our marriage one bit.
Or alternatively, adopt an “I don’t want to hear about it” attitude towards any dalliances of his? I would want to know about another relationship, but I don’t need to hear all the details.
Let him work as a well-paid gigalo, “masseuse”, or sex therapist? No, he may not prostitute himself, unless of course someone was going to pay him a million dollars to have sex with him.
Swing, have an open marriage, or otherwise “trade” the right to be with other partners? We have discussed this and while a secondary relationship (like the one described above) is acceptable, we aren’t interested in swinging or anything like that.
No circumstances whatsoever. None.
Being a naturally monogamous individual myself, I can’t see this working for me. I know a couple who have an open marriage, and they find that it works well for them. I am fascinated by this, but having been cheated on, not comfortable with any polyamorous lifestyles for myself. My friends are marvellously candid with answering my questions, however. 
I do, however, routinely borrow my friends’ guys for house-husband-y type stuff. And I also routinely lend myself out to the male bachelors and occasional clueless females of my acquaintance who have no clue about house-wife-y type stuff. I encourage this. The sharing of skills and knowledge is what living in community is all about.
I’m sorry… I’m not that “cool” of a girlfriend.
If you’re with me, then you are WITH me. That just the way my heart works. :sad and somewhat insecure smile smilie:
:sigh:
Indeed. I can think of four couples (several of the people involved are dopers) who have open marriages.
Since I’m not a woman (last I checked), that’s all I’ll say.
Yes
No
Yes
Yes
Yes
I have been told I am wrong for not being jealous. The No to long time relationships should show this is not true. I just don’t think sex is a big deal and I have no problem with a partner going elsewhere (as long as they practice safe sex). I believe that the sexual relationship within a couple is special but it doesn’t mean “sex-for-sport” should not be allowed.
Oh and yes I do know I am in the minority.
Absolutely not.
Gotta call you out on this one, Spider.
It’s not, not, not any “cooler” to be non-monogamous than it is to be monogamous. It’s just…different.
You’re not sad or insecure because you believe in fidelity. Makes you quite upstanding, in my personal opinion, but that aside, let’s not go down that road
where we call good old-fashioned commitment an insecurity.
I absolutely see your point; however, my husband is absolutely mine to share or not (and as stated above, I choose not), just as I am his. This doesn’t mean that, should I at some point choose to share him, that I could pass him around like a dime-store bangle bracelet; he still has his own mind and stuff. But we decided before we married that the vows mean (to us, anyway) that henceforth we would belong to one another. If that’s not your trip, cool. I’m all for any kind of relationship provided it’s all consenting adults, every one is cool with it, and dishonesty and deception aren’t involved. But if my husband ever felt the need to go somewhere else for sex, I’d be forced to conclude that something was wrong in our relationship.
Hey, I’ve been told I’m wrong for not liking broccolli. But it’s just a matter of perception. Who the hell am I to say that your perceptions are wrong. People who tell people that their feelings are wrong drive me nuts! Everyone is different. Different things work best for different people. Is that so hard to understand? Apparently, for some folks, it is.
Abso-freakin-lutely NO. My first husband wanted this. Now he’s gone, and I don’t miss him. I’m married to someone who values fidelity as much as I do, and I’m much happier.
[QUOTE=Lumpy]
“Never” is a perfectly acceptable answer. But aside from that, and presuming you’re not bisexual and into threesomes, would you ever:
[ul]
[li]Grant a close friend’s request to have sex with him?[/li]
[li]Let him have a long-term relation with who would effectively be his other wife, if she was someone you approved of?[/li]
[li]Or alternatively, adopt an “I don’t want to hear about it” attitude towards any dalliances of his?[/li]
[li]Let him work as a well-paid gigalo, “masseuse”, or sex therapist?[/li]
[li]Swing, have an open marriage, or otherwise “trade” the right to be with other partners?[/ul][/li][/QUOTE]
Datapoints: I’m polyamorous, have always been so. My ex-husband and I were together for nineteen years, seven of them in a triad marriage with another man. I am bisexual; not really into threesomes anymore (I find them too distracting, too sensory-overwhelming these days, and it’s hard enough dealing with the extraneous limbs with eight of them – twelve means someone’s arm is always falling asleep).
I’m of the belief that as long as the chocolate cake is there when I want some, I don’t care that much who else is also eating it. The metaphor breaks down because there are issues of time, energy, how well I get along with the other person, how s/he treats/respects my relationship with my husband, etc. (And we’re talking safer sex here, of course.)
I’m nosy. Hell, I’m a voyeur – I’ll admit it. I want details, and if there are techniques that are worth picking up, I want them, too. So “don’t ask, don’t tell” is out for me; I want just about as much detail as he’s willing to share.
Be that as it may, the one I have difficulty with is “let{ting} him work as a well-paid gigolo, ‘masseuse’, or sex therapist?” (Isn’t the male form “masseur,” by the way? Where is my dictionary when I need it?) While I have friends who are/have been sex workers, I would probably find it a little uncomfortable to think of my partner selling his sexual favors. Not sure why, and I have to think about it, but it’s there.
Going back a bit, if a close friend wanted to have sex with my partner, I’d most likely say “If he’s interested, go ahead, but you have to ask him, not me.” The exceptions would be if I knew that they were in a weird emotional state, and had a history of glomming on to whatever man was in reach. Relationships blow up too easily that way.
Datapoint:
I know at least fifty open/polyamorous marriages, and probably know of at least twice as many more, that have lasted over fifteen years. Mine lasted nineteen, and did not end because of the polyamory, for what it’s worth. It all depends on the people involved, and the approach. Much like monogamous marriages.