I’ve seen a lot of threads lately based on jealousy, possessiveness and betrayal. I’ve seen a lot of marriages broken up due to same. Now, betrayal seems to be at the root of much of it: “S/He said he would be faithful and wasn’t.” And that’s an understandable betrayal.
So let’s go to fantasy-land for a while, and pretend that, once legally married, a couple are a couple, period. Doesn’t matter who’s in whose bed; the legal contract is binding. In fact, let’s pretend that, until one IS married, sleeping around is really a big social no-no. However, once bonded, parties are free to reach whatever mutual agreement makes them happiest, with ‘sex on the side’, with whomever, being the norm. Goose and gander, both free to experiment…but not free to endanger the marriage. The marriage is the primary commitment, at all times.
So…Anyone up for this? If your partner turned to you tomorrow and said “Sweetie, I want some strange, and I’m sure you do, too. Let’s take a night off, meet Sunday morning for brunch, and have a nice day together afterwards. If that works out alright, maybe we can do that once a month or so,” would you even consider it?
I’d be relieved if my husband would come right out and say this. At some future point, I feel pretty confident I can start that conversation myself without it being too big a surprise to him. I haven’t cheated in over a dozen years, and don’t see a reason to, but he knows my past. Or some of it, anyway. And MrTao is a very lusty male; I know full well that at least half the women going by would interest him in one way or another, and I am ok with that. More than ok, really, because I think he’d at least have a little understanding of how it feels to want to jump someone’s bones without it meaning anything more than “Hell yes, this is fun!”.
But I do know that, while it wouldn’t SURPRISE him to find out I’d cheated <which I haven’t, and won’t> it would still hurt him that I lied. And that’s why I won’t.
My caveats for having a monogamish relationship (HUGE kudos to Dan Savage for the phrase, it’s perfect) would be that I would not want to know anything about what was going on, and I would not want to share what I was doing, either. Sex is between me and whatever group of monkeys I’m sharing it with at the time, and that is it. And my marriage is between me and my husband, and THAT is it.
MrTao…may want to be more sharing. It would be…difficult for me, but I would at least try it, for him, after making it clear that I’d rather not. Hell, I’d rather make up fantastic tales about what I did then share what really happened; it’s just a privacy thing, as odd as that sounds in this context. But I would certainly try, if that’s what he wanted. If he liked THAT enough, then I’d definitely come up with something hot and imaginary for him to think about! (And now I have this image of a woman in an open marriage who never actually does anything on her end…hrm…I need to write that down somewhere)
So…if your partner tomorrow said “Hey, let’s!”, would you even consider it?