Who thought this whole stupid concept up in the first place? You mean that if my life goes “perfect”, I’ll be monogamous to my wife until we wither up and die at 90 years old? What the fuck? I will successfully fight the daily urges I have to experience the lust of another woman for another 60 years? This is just stupid… am I the only one who thinks this is just insane?
Macro Man
3,662 days Monogamous
See - it’s this thing called choice:
Your choice.
Not so seem unsympathetic - even though I am - but didn’t you know before getting married that it meant a hit to the ol’ dating life?
No, you’re not… however, there’s also many people who think you’re wrong.
It’s really very simple, to me… the only real difference between monogamy and polyamory is numbers and semantics, and where people draw the borders of their relationships. Some people (I’m one of them) prefer staying with one person and one only. It feels right, where going outside of that feels wrong. Other people (I have friends like this) prefer not to limit themselves. They feel that one person is too few, and prefer to leave their options open. They’re more comfortable this way, and it “feels right” for them.
To put it simply, some are “wired” for monogamy, others for polyamory. Neither ideal is stupid or insane, really.
Have you considered that you’re simply in the latter group?
Belrix, though you’re right that it’s all about choice, the choices aren’t as limited as what you’ve presented. There are other options available, such as open relationships, polyamory, et cetera.
I bet that 10th anniverary was fun.
And no, you’re definitely not the only one who feels that way, since there are plenty of polymourous relationships, plenty of serial monogamists, plenty of people who have friends (as in multiple) with benefits, and lots and lots of other types of relationships. There are also plenty of peopl who cheat. Since you’re not one of the people who is happy with a monogamous relationship, I really hope you talk to your spouse before you become a member of the last group.
Then there is option 4: an open marriage.
Don’t worry. It’s clearly almost over already.
Belrix, you missed one.
If you’re fighting off daily urges to boink strange women at 90 then brother, my hat’s off to you.
I think the OP is pretty much right, monogamy does suck, but then again, so does dying from a communicable disease.
I love my wife, and would never cheat on her, but dammit, the urges are there. And it sucks.
I would put “open marriages”, etc. in the “accept the consequences” category.
I, frankly, wouldn’t expect that the consequences would be positive given the OP’s vitriol, though.
Yes, after nearly 3200 days of monagamy I still have urges & it sucks to suppress them. Supression is easier, though, when I imagine the pain I’d cause to my wife, children & myself for the momentary relief of indulgence.
I would never choose option 2 or 3.
Of course I got married knowing full well that if it is successful, I will never be with another woman in my life. I had no illusions about that. And I have no intention to ever cheat on my wife, even 10 years into the relationship. I would never do that to her, and would never want to ruin a great family life over a fling. It just sucks sometimes.
It just seems like a silly compromise that is ingrained into the fabric of (most) people’s morals. I (begrudgely) make the compromise because of the greater implications of infidelity. It seems like such a cruel irony to have such a powerful force (a person’s sex drive) working against such an important goal (making a happy life for your family).
Because of course the single and immediate consequence of non-monogamy is instant death from an STD.
Is that what I said?
Read much?
Man, do I feel sorry for your wife.
Yes, that’s what you said. Here’s your post in its entirety.
You set up the false dichotomy of monogamy/dying from an STD. Don’t blame Otto for reading what you wrote.
Monogamy can sem like a burden, but then one has to think about all the meaningless rubbing of parts that is promiscutiy. My partner and I are monogamous by choice. Sure, I see guys who have great bodies, and I’m good-looking so it would be very easy for me to screw around if I wanted to. But the thing is, that no guy I could pick up would care about me or love me like my partner does. Frankly, I’ve been so spoiled by the tumultuous lovemaking my partner and I enjoy that a chance encounter would be as insipid as club soda after a delicious Shiraz.
Macro Man, if you find monogamy with your mate constricting, then you are with the wrong person. I guarantee you then when you are with the right person, you won’t be interested in anyone else.
Yeah, what Shayna said.
Actually, if I were the OP’s wife, I’d be kicking somebody’s ass out the door. Anybody who views being with me, and only with me, as a bitterly resented compromise can just get right the fuck away from me. Be with me because you’re happy to do so, or hit the fucking road jack.
I think roadrunner70’s point is that the likely reason for social pressure towards monogamy is to prevent the spread of STDs. Of course, in the past century we have gained understanding about how STDs work and how to prevent them, so sexual monogamy is pretty obsolete.
I can hear the wedding vows now.
“And do you begrudgingly forsake all others…”
I also have a daily urge to stab my boss in the eye with a pen. But I don’t do it.
Not referring to religion here, but thats called temptation my friend. You are not DENYING yourself anything, you are just experiencing natural human desires. Nothing wrong with feeling them, but acting on them would be wrong. And NOT because it’s bad for you, but that it would probably really hurt your wife. you used MY twice and I four times. It’s not all about you.