No, do not assault my Horny! Granted, he is more than a bit cold and distant, but he is an honorable, intelligent and upstanding individual.
That’s if you are talking about the books. In the A&E mini-series, they made old Horny much more likable.
Scarlett O’Hara, of course. Ya goldurn meatball, give up on that Ashley twerp, already! It’s Rhett, damnit, Rhett!!!
High priests from any horror film (such as The Wicker Man) who trick the hero to coming to the temple, then claim this counts as his/her “coming of their own accord” for sacrifice. No. <slap> By any reasonable interpretation, “coming of your own accord” is ticking the ‘yes’ box of a form asking “do you want to be sacrificed” - not responding to an invitation to do lunch and finding you’re on the menu.
Mmmmmm… Ioan Gruffudd…
Er, sorry about that.
As others have mentioned, Hamlet and Bridget Jones both deserve a swift kick in the teeth.
And the whole pissant crew of Voyager.
Bouv, get a grip. I hate Xander and you being nasty to me about it isn’t going to change my mind. I don’t find him particularly loyal, and I could cite numerous examples to back up my position, but that would be hijacking the OP, so I won’t. I am entitled to my opinion, so the only ass that needs someone to get off it is mine.
Every one of the Friends, but especially Rachel and Phoebe.
Every male & female lead character in every novel Mercedes Lackey has ever written, for falling madly in love with each other and being too stupid to realize it, talk about it, and get on with their dang lives.
ROSS.
On that note, I’ve wanted to smack around the entire Greek Pantheon at one time or another. A bunch of arrogant immature pricks with superpowers.
Suprised to see so little mention of Holden Caufield, one character who I would feel no remorse in utterly obliterating.
Ditto for Huckleberry Finn.
Gotta go with photopat on this one. As much as I love Friends, Ross Gellar needs to be bitch-slapped for screwing up the relationship he had with Rachel Greene, the woman he loved since high school and against all odds managed to make realize that he was The Guy for her, by being so insecure and controlling that he basically drove her away, and then by being so distraught that he sought solace in the arms of the first woman he ran into in a bar, sleeping with her, and pretty much guaranteeing that Rachel would break up with him for good.
Of course, Rachel then had to rub this in his face when they briefly reconciled, making Ross use his last bit of spine to deny full responsibility for their breakup… I won’t go into where he says the wrong name during the wedding vows to Emily, the drunken Vegas wedding, and then conceiving a child together. These two are the epitom of Dysfunctional but Co-Dependent.
Slap Ross, and kick Rachel in the butt.
As a friend of mine once put (in regards to someon else, mind you)
“Slapping Jar-Jar once would be like eating one potato chip.”
I hate that paperclip.
“It looks like you’re writing a letter.”
Well, it looks like you’re MONITORING MY EVERY MOVE, YOU PERVERTED, VOYEURISTIC LITTLE STAPLE-WANNABE!
Whoo. Okay.
But for literary characters, I have always and forever wanted to violently beat Rebecca from the Daphne du Maurier novel of the same name. Her complete passiveness made that book unbearable. Fire the housekeeper already!
Melanie from Gone With the Wind.
Milque Toast for certain.
I came in here to say Holden Caufield but I was beat to it.
So, seconds for him and:
Ross Gellar, Dr. Frankenstien, Romeo, Claudio & Hero, & Squall.
Damn you Squall… I wanna get through FFVIII, so I can move onto IX, and X. But geesh, I can’t play for more than a half-hour without wanting to strangle him. Squall, you sir… are no Cloud.
(Speaking of FFVII, I’ll give a slap or two to Cait Sith)
I refuse to allow anyone to slap Jar Jar until they take at least a convincing swipe at Fode and/or Beed. (The two-headed announcer from the Podrace scene.)
Also, Marius, from Les Miserables. Twit.
George Costanza and Barney Fife.
Cliff Claven
Ray Romano.
Good lord he just asks for it half the time. Idiot.
Larry David.
We never get through that movie without saying "What a dick!!!
I want to hold Dr. Frankenstein while the monster slaps him, then buy the big guy a beer.
Diane Franklin in The Last American Virgin. She sleeps with a jerk and gets pregnant, then the main character hides her out and sells everything he has to pay for an abortion. At the end of the movie, he walks in to find her making out with the jerk who dumped her.
When she was killed in Amityville Horror II, I cheered!
Every other damn politician on “Mister Stirling”. I mean, they let this self-righteous, conceited, pompous, preachy, self-absorbed twerp walk into the Senate and stomp all over them. Any majority leader that lets a freshman appointment dictate which committee he gets on deserves not only to be bitch slapped, but locked in the Senate men’s room and not let out until he has emptied his body of the excrement that has lodged in his brain.
Line them up in the Senate chamber and bitch slap the lot.