Fighting Ignorance Etiquette

The BBQ Pit
1

Oh I try to fight ignorance, really I do. But I worry a great deal about committing a faux pas in the battle. I simply don’t know how to handle myself sometimes when confronted with the ignorance in all of its brain neglecting glory. So perhaps you good people could help me pick the correct reaction when confronted with the following situations.

1)A visiting relative exclaims, “Well, you know people only use 10% of their brains!”

Do I…

A)Look out a nearby window until the foolish statement passes.

B)Calmly explain that this is only an urban legend.

C)Respond by saying, “That certainly explains your thought process.”

2)While having a nice discussion with a friend in my living room, the friend makes the following statement. “I know homeopathic medicines work because I give them to my dog, so it can’t just be a placebo effect.”

Do I…

A)Commend my friend for giving her pet an additional source of water.

B)Wonder allowed if dancing naked as a tribute to the dog god of Saturn might have had the same effect as the Homeopathic remedy.

C)Have the friend put to sleep and then adopt her dog.

3)While eating dinner, a visitor proclaims that he is thinking about looking into Scientology.

Do I…

A)Spew the food in my mouth across the table then run screaming from the room.

B)Force the visitor to watch Battlefield Earth while screaming “See! See! Witness the vile demon spawn that this putrid faith has brought upon us!”

C)Tie the visitor down to the table in the ass up position and allow the family goat to have its way with him.

2

1 - C
2 - B
3 - A

3

  1. C

  2. B

  3. C

4

C
B
B

5

1-
D: Explain that your stereo also works best when the volume isn’t turned up to ‘max’.

6

C all the way, baby! Make Cecil proud of you!

7

oh, my friend, I expected better options…

so, here’s what I think…

in situation 1, politely laugh, look confused and say “huh???”

in siutation 2, flog them. then, when that is over, flog them again. then have them talk to me.

in situation 3, well, first off, I hope I don’t know this person… but, well, I like all 3 of your options, so I’d execute all three of them: spit out the food and run screaming from the room so that you can go grab some rope and a copy of “Battlefield Earth”…

I was not aware that you had purchased a goat…

this frightens me.

8

I’m with Lynn.

C all the way!

But have you considered fighting fire with fire? Like in situation one, tell the relative that the percentage is actually 4% because the asbestos in tampons has had so much damage on the human brain. It used to be 10%, but now…

9

C, C, C
Fighting ignorance is messy business.

10

Well all of my examples were taken from close calls that I had experienced in the last year. They did not occur exactly as described in order to protect the guilty parties involved.

Question number 3 came from… well… ok I present you with:

Exhibit A
Our dear friend Phil is insane.

Exhibit B
A copy of Dianetics can be found under a pile of teeth marked Unix magazines upon his coffee table.

Now as far as I know he has not begun to speak of being “Clear” or made any claims that he is being repressed by Thetans, but I just want to be ready. And if Lynn says the answer to this situation is C, well then the answer is C and I better find me a pet goat so I’ll be ready should the need arrive.

Besides, I think Phil would enjoy a good goat buggering.

11

I’d claim the D option on all 3. That’s the option that you wouldn’t want to announce in advance as that would make it “pre-meditated”.

12

Dear Cranky,

Are you saying that in some cases it’s alright to intentionally increase ignorance? Is there some ignorance overload point that I should be trying to strive for? That would be so cool!

I could use respond to all for an email that informs me “Everyone’s name on this list has the chance to win a free car!” with “Unfortunately everyone on this list has been infected with the ‘Good Times’ computer virus. Please format your hard drives at once!”

13

You realize that I’m going to make sure he reads this…

14

Oh I’m counting on it! :slight_smile:

15

Situation #1:

Inform them, assuming they have any access to the Internet, of the beautiful sites that are http://www.snopes.com and http://www.straightdope.com. Point out to them how, with just a little spot reading, one might come across this beautiful link which puts paid to that belief.

But don’t bring it up in a “oh, you old bag, don’t you know anything?” kind of way. Bring it up nonchalantly, show how much information on various topics there are, and lead the relative down the path to salvation. Let the relative think about the wonders that are there. Ler her realize that, with just a little reading, she’ll have oodles of facts that she can throw out in a superior manner and rather than later be shown a fool, all those she puts down with cutting comments will end up researching the issue and have to admit that she is right.

Thus, she gets what she wants- the ability to toss about facts and trivia as a way to impress others- and you get what you want- her to use real facts.
Situation #2.

Investigate. Press. Push. What kind of homeopathic remedies? What measures is she using? Has a vet checked her dog out and pronounced him miraculously cured, or does it just seem like the dog isn’t puking as much as he used to?

Present yourself as someone who wants to learn. Someone open to homeopathy, but not willing to make the jump without proof. Your friend, if really believing in homeopathy, may try to debate you. Poke holes in the argument, show the lack of evidence your friend is operating from, and then, in the moment of victory where you are but a stinging comment away from utterly dispatching him or her, state, “Well, anyways. If that’s what you want to do, it’s no business of mine.” And move on to other topics. Friend gets to salve ego, while you have placed the seed of skepticism. In fact, your friend may decide to bone up on the issue to argue better, and likely will start to understand the flaws in homeopathy very quickly. Your friend may even come back to you to brag about the anti-homeopathy evidence he or she has found, thus showing himself or herself “more skeptic” or “better informed” than you. Take this kindly, congradulate your friend, and offer praise.
Situation #3:

Kill the fucker. Sometimes, there’s a point of no return.

16

John,

I got a real laugh out of that. The reasonable responses for the first two scenarios being followed by “Kill the fucker” for the last one was hysterical.

But I can’t kill Phil, for better or worse he’s my friend. So I’m sticking with the goat idea.

I’m not sure if forced beastiality eradicates ignorance, but I bet I can sell the pictures on the internet.

17

#1 - Look them straight in the eye and say “Some use even less than that.”
#2 - Pet the dog and tell him/her “I’m sorry”.
#3 - Ask if he can get Tom Cruise’s autograph for you. At least get SOMETHING out of it.

18

I just wanted to point out that this will OBVIOUSLY not work. One has to dance naked as a tribute to the dog god of PLUTO to accomplish anything! :slight_smile:

19

Smartass reply - Yes it is, in fact it helps. :slight_smile:

20

I agree that directing them here or to Snopes, is a great way to handle it. Also good is to buy a copy of each of Cecil’s books and carry them with you at all times. Think of it as carrying arms in the fight with Ignorance.

Attitude is everything when dealing with the truly Ignorant. If you talk to them like the idiots they are, they tune you out, get mad, or walk away. Thus, the proper approach is 'How could someone as smart as you get fooled into believing that?". Act schocked. This both flatters their egos and causes them to study up in order to fit your perception of them as a genius.

Sadly, I usually get too agravated in these situations. When a guest at Mom's Rosh Hashanah(Jewish new year) dinner mentioned that Nostradamus had predicted the WTC attack, I went into something of a rant. Ah, well.