Finally saw Dungeons and Dragons the Movie

Spoiler tags will not be in effect, read at your own peril. So the adventure continues.

In an effort to see all of the cheesy and bad movies out there I of course had to see Dungeons and Dragons the Movie. Well, I wasn’t disappointed on the cheese and bad factor.

The dialogue was so weak and forced it made William Shatner groan. [was an Oscar winner, wasn’t he? One would have thought that he wouldn’t be seen in anything so bad. I guess that him and [url=,+Jack]Jack Palance](,%20JeremyJeremy Irons[/url) are following the same career path since good ol’ Jack was in Hawk the Slayer which was yet another cheesy movie. However, Hawk the Slayer rocked and was unintentionally funny whereas Dungeons and Dragons the Movie was more of a groaner.

When the main characters were running around doing stuff I could only think, what are they, like third level? Magic Users can’t cast that spell. OMG! This is bad, it seems that they tried to conform the rules of the game into one cheesy movie. It looks like WoTC tried to make it into an extended commercial… not that it surprises me since I read the Annotated Dragonlance Chronicles.

When Snails died I laughed. It was so not sad. You would think someone who had the chosen profession of being a burglar wouldn’t be nearly so stupid or clumsy. I swear that he bumped and fell into almost everything and touched all the magical alarm things.

Oh well. Time to find another cheesy movie…hopefully a funny one next time.

Give me the ROD!!!

What you need is a nice Dwarven woman, with hair on her chin that you can hold on to!

Don’t forget to check out this thread, which is the weirdest thread ever posted on the SDMB. If you can decipher it, you get a cookie.

I thought it was a riot. A “maze” that consists of three rooms in a row. Tom Baker as the fattest elf ever. Beholders that can be distracted by thrown rocks. A dungeon with a pit trap five yards in that drops you into the treasure room.

Oh my god it was so horribly hilarious. I actually own it on DVD. A friend of mine gave it to me for my birthday. The deleted scenes and commentary are hysterical. The “D&D Creator Cameo” scene where Jeremy Irons stalks off the set after they yell cut is priceless.

And it’s got the best line ever: “That’s just like you thieves. Always taking things that don’t belong to you.”

LOL, it definately had its moments but it was no where near as universally funny as Hawk the Slayer. I was a bit irked that the Dwarf was as tall or taller than the other characters.

Munch, my head hurts now. (Sarcasm)Thanks for the link.(/sarcasm) Ouch!

That’s where he goes and beats up his agent. :wink:

That right there (and the fact that it completed my Jeremy Irons collection) is why I have it on DVD.

I could be wrong, but I seem to remember reading when the movie was being made that JI took the part because his son asked him to. Definatly would have grounded that kid for years.

The thing that got me was the ending (well, the whole thing sucked raw eggs, but this got me even worse). Suddenly, out of no where, they all…what? Did they try to go somewhere to ressurrect Snail? Did they go on another adventure? Did they go to Hooters? It’s just “I’m sorry you’re dead, guy…Okay everyone, let’s GO!!!” And that was it.

Really lame, horrible CGI (I never suspected Dragons to be so weak), and overall, just super crap tastic. **Dragon Heart{/b[ was better than this dreck. Fun for a Crappy Movie Night, but not much else.

Hey, I got the DVD and the entire D&D 3rd Edition Rules for free from a PR contact at WoTC.

I’m loving the movie just for that.

I just watched this movie for the first time last week. I have to admit, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I expected it to be. It was downright enjoyable at times - Jeremy Iron’s overacting, “GIVE ME THE ROD!!!”, and Riff Raff as the leader of the thieves made it all worth while.

But WTF was up with that DWARF? Did nobody mention to the producers that the point of dwarves is that they’re SHORT? I mean, this guy was as tall or taller than most of the cast members! Why didn’t they throw out the idea of a dwarf if they couldn’t afford the special effects and make him a Barbarian? Or just cut out his character altogether - he didn’t really do anything in the movie besides look tall, did he?

hehehhee, the hubby and I got plenty of mileage out of the “Rod” thing - “Look, dear, the princess really, really wants the Rod!” “oooh, Jeremy Irons is carressing his rod again…” “Now the princess has TWO rods!” etc. etc.

What made me laugh was Ridley’s Shatneresque reaction to Snails’ death, as he falls to his knees and screams “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

Since the last few scenes seemed to indicate that Snails can be rezzed (and the rest of the party has been given that information), their next step, in a normal (or even badly designed) campaign, would be to go on whatever quest was neccessary to do it. (Given the fact that they’ve buried him, I think the time limit on the standard Raise Dead is passed, so they’re looking for a really high level Cleric on this one.)

The movie sucked on so many levels but the thing that really got to me was the political situation. You’ve got a kingdom run by wizards. An awful lot of wizards. Now there’s one or two of them that want to make people “equal”. I’m sure that everyone’s going to listen just because the girl said so. All men may be created equal, but ones that blow up your house by wiggling their fingers are equaller.

I was so very dissapointed. It was so very like a long episode of Xena or Hercules or Beastmaster or a dozen other shitty Sunday afternoon shows.

Bad plot, terrible acting, dialogue that could wake the dead and cheesy effects.

And, as El Elvis Rojo mentioned, the equally shitty ending. Personally, I would have left that yutz dead. What the hell good would he do except attract arrows away from the folks that mattered?

I don’t recall all of it, of course, but I agree with whoever complained about what the characters were capable of. They were low-level, and while it was apparent the wizard often used magic missile, how did she keep getting them around? That wavy thing couldn’t have been a teleport spell.

I’d have to watch it again to bitch more. I really don’t remember it to the full extent of of it’s awfulness.

I imagine Irons spent the whole movie in a snit. How he ever got suckered into that mess is unfathomable.

I kind of wondered the same thing about his role in Time Machine.

I believe there was a BBQ Pit follow-up, I’m sure I could dig that up as well (if I had an inkling desire to melt my brains any further).

My Tongue-in-Cheek Review of D&D: The Movie, from the standpoint of the 2nd Edition AD&D rules

I hate to say itl, but I kind of liked the movie… it wasnt bad it was worse, but it surely embodied too many nights playing ad&d with too less sleep in too small space. Admit it, who hasnt come up with an even worse storyline as GM?

:: stalks off in shame to go to the big blue room ::