My father died a week ago today. My mother, as a surviving divorced spouse, is now eligible for his full Social Security retirement benefit, and she needs the money. I can order a copy of his death certificate as his child (she can’t), but I can’t do it online without his Social Security number.
Is there a way to find out his Social Security number that doesn’t involve dealing with my PITA half-brother, who is the executor of the estate? He has made every little administrative thing, especially anything financial, a colossal pain in the ass throughout Dad’s final illness, and I’d rather not involve him in something that isn’t his business (we do not have the same mother) if I don’t have to. I have a call in to the funeral home to see if they have any guidance, but if the Teeming Millions have an answer, I am all ears. (To be fair, my brother has a LOT to deal with right now and isn’t taking any of this very well.) The Social Security Death Index sites I am finding online are not current.
(I am hoping Mom has the info somewhere, but she is, well, not a super organized person. I have been living at my current address for 6 years and she still calls me up now and again to ask my address. It’s a 15-minute drive from her!)
Unfortunately, his apartment is in Queens and I am in Chicago. Also my brother cleared all personal finance documentation out of the apartment months ago…long story. Maybe the funeral home or my mom will be able to help.
Or I can call NYC vital records tomorrow and explain that I don’t have his SSN, but am happy to send them my birth certificate as proof of the relationship. Heck, I imagine Social Security has ways of dealing with this situation, and for that matter, Mom was getting Railroad Retirement benefits based on is record years ago before she switched to her own SS benefit (which is significantly lower than his will be). Somewhere in the bowels of the SSA, there must be information that she qualifies, but I would like to streamline the process for her if at all possible.
You should be able to request a copy of your tax forms from the IRS. I’m not sure how far they go back. If you filed jointly, then his SS number should be the form.
Do have the divorce paperwork? Perhaps it’s in there. If there were financial accounts, then maybe the SS number was included.
A few years ago I used a private investigator to run a report/background check on a dude that my then girlfriend was considering as a business partner. I got criminal records, a credit check and, even though I didn’t ask for it, his social security number. I just gave a name and the city where he lived. As I recall it cost $75.
It’s not me, it’s my mother who was married to him. They have been divorced for 40+ years. I really don’t want to go that route unless it’s the only choice, and I doubt it is.
On a related note, does anyone know if surviving divorced spouse benefits, once Mom receives them, will be retroactive to his death? Or when would they start? I suppose in an ideal universe, since Mom has already documented years ago that she qualifies for SS benefits on Dad’s record as a divorced spouse, Social Security would automatically start benefits as a surviving divorced spouse once they are informed that he has died…but somehow I doubt it works that way.
"Hey brother! I hope that you are doing well. I know that you are busy, especially in dealing with Dad’s estate. I was wanting to get Dad’s social security number. You might not be aware, but my mom is eligible for increased social security benefits after Dad’s death. This would mean a lot for her.
You could search the Social Security Death Index, although if he just died a week ago he’s probably not listed yet. Also, I just tried looking up a couple of deceased relatives and could not find them; I don’t know why. But it’s worth a few seconds to try in case you have better luck.
My mom just went through this. Yes they are retroactive, no they don’t happen automatically.
You need to call social security (try calling early when they open, like 8 or 9 am. Otherwise be prepared to sit on the phone a while) to set up either a phone or an in-person appointment. They will decide for you whether it will be by phone or in person. Be prepared for that appointment to be a month or more out from when you call.
In the interim they will send you a notice with what documents you will need to have when you have your appointment, so you can get them all together.
If it’s a phone appointment, you will need to then wait for them to send you something else, with an envelope in which to return some original documents (marriage license, death certificate, etc). Once they get and process those documents, THEN you will get your benefits and retroactive lump sum.
My dad died Jan 31 and this is what my mom (his spouse at the time of his death) has been going through. We just sent the original documents off last week.
My BFF’s mom went through the same a month or so ago. Since she was divorced from the dad, she had to have an in-person meeting. YMMV.
As annoying as it seems to be for you, you should involve him. As executor, he should be involved/informed of everything. Also, for security reasons, accessing someone’s SSN should be a difficult thing to do.
I agree. He sounds like a bully, why are you just allowing him to be make life difficult for you with his jerkish behavior? What’s the downside? I don’t see how he can do anything to take away / delay your mom’s benefits. Realistically, he can probably simply ignore you without getting into any trouble for failing to fulfill his duties as executor, but does that leave you any worse off than you are now?
I would contact him by email rather than verbally, make it brief and rather formal, emphasizing and respecting his role as executor. There’s a chance he may have been warned by an attorney that he has certain duties and that can’t mess people around as executor or he may get into trouble. It may get you what you need immediately with no emotional stress, and if not I think you’re no worse off?
UPDATE: thanks, all - as I was hoping, Mom had the SSN. I have already requested the death certificate online and it has an ETA of 6/22? That seems awfully long. Anyway, I am going to advise Mom to contact the SSA posthaste so that even if it takes a while to line everything up, with any luck at least her benefits will eventually be backdated to his death.
My brother wouldn’t even deal with financial stuff that Dad specifically instructed him to handle while he was alive (like reimbursing me for thousands of dollars in travel expenses to visit Dad, including the Ubers that I took to the hospital every day at my brother’s specific request rather than taking the subway like I normally would). I ended up getting reimbursed for my first 3 trips because Dad had me find his checkbook and bring it to him at the hospital. Trust me, there’s a lot of backstory where that came from, and a giant Pit thread in all this…and there may be one or more Pit threads by the time this is all over.
I am definitely not going to ask my brother to do anything that I can get done any other way. My mom’s legally entitled SS benefits have no relationship to my brother. And I am REALLY not looking forward to dealing with him as executor. Sigh.
I want to deal with stuff myself if and whenever possible for my own sanity. Dad’s estate really has nothing whatsoever to do with my mother’s legally defined eligibility for government benefits. I don’t need any aggravation from my brother if it can be avoided by a little detective work. It’s simply not a priority for him - I think he may have met Mom for 5 minutes at my wedding? It’s simply not going to be high on his priority list, so it’s less trouble for me to deal with it myself than it is to nag him for Lord knows how long to do something that has less than zero priority for him. It’s purely about self-preservation for me.
Having done this pretty recently myself, the explanation I got from the funeral home was that it was yet another pandemic-related backup. Death certificates that used to be issued in a week or two are now often taking three or four.
Actually in the end, I think it was about managing expectations. I got an email within a couple of days that my order had been processed. Let’s see how long it takes to arrive in the mail.
