Sorry - left off a key ingredient -
Driving is obviously beyond her ability or control. Remembering to grab the project before she leaves house on the day it’s due is not.
ivylass, your argument here is what I hear echoing in my head right now. But I don’t think it’s exactly punishment for him to deal with consequences. My parents always tried to warn me about things, rather than letting me just do stuff and see what happens. I remember yelling more than once “Will you just let me do this myself please!” I’m trying to be a little more hands off than that as a parent (and yes, I know he’s only six. Stop saying that). It was a tough choice for me (us, really, his mom called me about it), but my satisfaction will hinge on how he handles it. Last year he had real issues about finishing his work at school, he had a fit a couple times when he ran out of time. But he was able to work overcome that and I think he learned better how to deal with situations he didn’t like.
But, we’ll just see.
I would have brought it to him. I think it’s important for a child to learn that he can count on his parents for help, especially the first time something like this comes up. You could always make them go to bed early or take away the computer for the night as a little reminder that he needs to get out of that habit. Generally I’ve found that teachers don’t start being hard asses about homework being on time until later in school- like around fourth or fifth grades as I recall.
But he’s being punished by a bad grade for something that he DID do. If he had piddled around and tried to finish it the night before and done a half-assed job, then yes. But you said your boy worked hard, and IMHO, you can deal with this better at home. “Do you have all your homework? No? Okay, go get it, but no ice cream tonight.” “Do you have all your homework? Good boy, you can stay up late an extra 15 minutes tonight!”
See, he’s being punished with a bad grade when he did do the work. And I can sympathize with trying to remember to make sure I have everything when I leave the house in the morning. I can imagine for a six year old it can be a bit overwhelming too.
Earthworm, I apologize. I see you did address “things beyond her control.”
FWIW, I agree with ivylass (and others). First grade is awfully early to be hit with the responsibility bomb. It’s a very gradual process. You’ll certainly talk to the kid about forgetting his work, and the possible consequences, but it’s not till 3rd or 4th grade that you let him take his lumps. The best solution here for you is avoidance – setting things up so the kid can’t possibly forget his lunch or homework. Gradually, over the years, you shift the responsibility for setting things up in this no-fail way from you to him. Believe me, learning responsibility doesn’t happen overnight, no matter how compelling the object lesson.
It was clarified later that ‘drop one level’ meant dropping from ‘A’ to ‘B’ in grade only. In the above quote, and in that specific case, you are correct.
As for the second part…
If the grade has different ‘learning tracks’ and if being one day late on one specific project bumps him down a notch into the ‘lower track’ (and assuming your child is talented enough to swim solo in the higher track), then your damn skippy its important to transport the project as needed to keep the teacher happy and your child’s education on course. And yes, some first grades in some school systems Do have different ‘learning tracks’.
Simply put, if the parent is not the child’s advocate, then Nobody is.
In the set of circumstances I just stated, I stand by my post. Refusing a request for help, in the name of ‘Personal Responsibility’, just teaches them that they have to wait until they are adults (or elected to office) to be lazy.
Just for clarity: The drop in grade means he can still turn it in, right? It just won’t be as high a grade?
That, to me, makes all the difference. It would be heartbreaking for a 6-y-o to work hard on something and have it not count at all, just because he made an understandable mistake. On the other hand, if he can still show the teacher his work, it’s not that big a deal. He’ll be upset for a day, and he’ll learn, but I really don’t think a B grade is quite the end-of-the-world scenario here. I’m with the OP.
(Then again, I speak as a college professor who has many, many students whining whenever they get A- grades. I’m starting to think that “You won’t die from a C” is one of the more important lessons getting skipped nowadays.)
OK, my second post had more bite to it than I intended. My bad. My bad day. Kindly disregard…
I certainly have. It’s a work term for me and I use it every day pretty much. Isn’t it funny that you should mention it?
I work at a college counseling center and often comment that I’m less involved in my child’s school than parents of our freshmen through grads. I just find that the parents in our school handle the backpack for this age and it seems more than reasonable to me.
Thanks for the advice to be careful though. I’ll keep it in mind.
Caricci, :smack: :o
One more comment, Caricci. We do handle his backpack, for notes to/from the teacher, fliers from the school, fund raisers, lunches etc. The poster didn’t fit in the backpack.
I don’t know, I’m slipping close to the “We should have” side now.
I would have taken it to him. I feel that I, as the parent, have some responsibility for making sure he remembers things like this when he’s starting out in life. Especially a big project that he was so proud of. He’s still very little, six or seven, at that age, I think it’s the parent’s reponsibility to look out for them.
FWIW, I am a parent and I’ve BTDT. My son is very responsible now, despite the fact that I brought him his homework or lunch a time or two while he was in school.
And that’s cool too. The good thing about parenting is you’ll always get another chance! Honestly, depending on the kid, this could easily go either way. Mine was a little flake and needed a few lessons from The School of Life because he wasn’t getting it from the School of Mom. You have to listen to your inner voice telling you what’s best for your kid. If that’s an apology right now, then do it. (But I would definitely make some direct consequence still, like paying you for your drive time, either in money or labor.)
I do think that 3rd, 4th or 5th grade is way too late to start letting the kid face his own consequences, though, at least ideally. In reality, you try what you can when you can, and I didn’t start until 6th and my kid is recovering pretty well. If I were to do it over again (as, in fact, I am with my toddler daughter), first grade would be more negotiable to me, and I could see it going either way. If she’s a flake, she’s getting bit by her own actions. If she’s diligent and messes up once, then I’m more likely to give her a freebie.
Just last week WhyKid didn’t set his alarm and woke up 5 minutes before he was supposed to be in school. I drove him, rather than making him ride his bike, and I didn’t even charge him for the ride. I did tell him, however, “Look, you messed up, you know that, so I’m not going to nag. This time the car ride’s a freebie, because family helps each other out when we screw up. If it becomes a pattern, we’re going to have to discuss taxi rates, ok?” He said OK, and that was the end of it. No nagging, no checking up on him, but I’m not a total hardass, either.
It’s not like I’m expecting my toddler to get herself off to school with everything in order, folks! But I do expect it of my 13 year old, and I think 6 is certainly old enough to start.
I was just discussing this with one of the therapists here and his comment (and I should mention he’s not really a big fan of the little ones) was that not helping a child at this age might make him fearful to ask for help. Who knows what’s right?
BTW, I call everthing that leaves the house “backpack” when it comes to school. We did get him a giant one though. Here he is with it and a bag of cleaning products for the class:
I’m a teacher.
I’d want the parent to bring the work in.
It makes it easier for me to mark.
It keeps the kid cheerful.
The key point is that the kid did the work by himself.
If you want to give a lesson on remembering, use Left Hand of Dorkness’ idea:
“It took me 45 minutes to drive this to you,” I’d say. “So that means you need to do 45 minutes of work for me.”
I think you’re being too harsh with a child that young. It’s your responsibility as a parent to come up with a plan so he will think about what he has to bring to school. That habit doesn’t just come out of thin air. One way would be to have a routine where every night he packs his schoolbag with whatever needs to be brought to school the next day. (You would ask “What do you have to remember to do before you go to bed?” or remind him “It’s time to pack your schoolbag.”) Alternatively, have a routine where every morning you ask “What do you need to bring to school today?” (lunch money, homework, etc.). If he says there’s nothing to bring and you know there’s a project to bring in, ask “Are you sure? Didn’t you work on something important this week?”
Sorry, just thought of a couple of other points!
By bringing in the work, you lessen the chance of other kids using that excuse ‘my works at home, and my parents won’t bring it in.’
Also where do you draw the line?
What if your kid forgets his lunch? His sports kit? His permission to go on a trip?
I’m the dad of a 4th grader and a 1st grader.
I’d have taken it to school. In fact I’ve done this on a handful of occasions for my own kids when they’ve forgotten their lunches or their homework.
We’re a family. That means we look out for each other. If one of us makes a mistake, the rest of us pitch in to help fix it.
My message would be different if you were describing a persistent problem. If a kid is blowing off his homework on purpose or consistently not turning it in then it’s time for the parent to intervene and establish rules and punishments. But it sounds like this was a simple mistake.
I know it’s not good SDMB protocol to post “I agree!” all the time, but this time I really feel like I must.
I’d have brought it to him, because of what it was:
I don’t know whether this is the case, but I’m envisioning him putting effort into this, and being proud of it when he gets it to school. If he did put good effort into this, rewarding that effort by bringing it to him when he forgot it would be reasonable.
If it was just a couple pages of more mundane work, I’d let him turn it in late and take his lumps (probably tiny little lumps, since he’s only in first grade).