FWIW my relative’s Second Grade teacher writes homework on the board and the kids are responsible for writing it down and bringing what they need home. She said it will be a disaster for most kids (it was) and parents will freak out (They did) but in the end the kids will learn they are responsible for the Homework.(And learn to copy stuff from the board correctly - which was just as big a deal as the HW thing to her)
She said she wasn’t going to mark kids down because they weren’t doing it right in the first semester a- and in the 2nd they would gradually begin upping the pressure. Sounds like a first grader forgetting wouldn’t be a big life lesson or academic retarding thing in our school system (Montgomery County, MD (can tie but not be better than)
Why not ask his teacher what she thinks - she might even give the kid a break.
My parents and my in-laws could not be more different in their child-rearing attitudes. My parents are very much hold the hand, don’t let them fall kind of folks. My in-laws are a “don’t do that”, but if you fall you’ll earn to be more careful kind of people. So, my wife and I grew up with vastly different attitudes about our parents. She was mad at hers for a long time because she thought they didn’t care, and I was mad at mine because I felt like they wouldn’t let me do anything (see, completely different attitudes, not that the appearance is much different ).
Anyway, my point is I’m calling bullshit to this whole “We’re a family, we help each other” implication that I’m not doing that for my family. I want my kids to learn to be responsible, self-reliant. I’m not acting like a drill sergeant, they get personal attention from mom and dad (we go on dates periodically), hey, I mixed the paints her used for the poster. I am involved, and I think the level of participation, the level assistance is more of a personality thing. My kids know I love them, I tell them all the time. I act like I love them as well. But I think this is a lesson we need to start on, “Remember your stuff, take car of yourself.” I’ll do what I can now, but I might be able to do everything.
glee, where do you draw the line? I’d probably take his lunch to him lunch, but he can skip gym class or practice. At what age do you stop and say,“Well, you better remember tomorrow.” Maybe this was a bit early, I don’t know. We’ll see.
And the pendulum swings back toward “We shouldn’t have”.
DaddyTimesTwo, I had the same kind of parents you had, and though I liked it fine at the time, I do wish I’d turned out more self-reliant and capable. I’m a big fan of allowing children the natural consequences of their actions when possible, and this sounds like one of those times.
I think you did the right thing, and you know what? Even if you didn’t, you sound like a very caring and kind father. This is not going to permanently scar your kid.
I just saw this and it was so well put. He’s only six and school hasn’t been in session all that long. I could see if he was older and did it all the time, but he’s so young. Everything doesn’t have to be a life lession.
I can’t tell you how many trips I made back and forth to school when my son was young and he’s independent and well adjusted.
Another vote for the “Help out the first-grader who’s still learning to take responsibility.”
The only way I would not have lent a hand is if I got the sense that my son was deliberately forgetful so that I’d do his work for him. My own six-year-old does this sometimes – when I tell him to clean up his toys and get ready for bed, he’ll suggest (not ask) that I do it for him, just because he doesn’t want to. That is when I get strict and say “You play with them, you clean them up.”
But for an accidental memory lapse like in the OP? No need to be a hardass.
There’s no need to be a hardass. That’s the beauty of natural consequences. They aren’t punishment. You can just say, “Oh, you forgot your project? That’s too bad. I know how that feels, because I forget things sometimes too. Why don’t we go get it and put it by the door right now so you can turn it in Monday?”
Now on the other hand…my kids are a little older now. Could be that I’ve forgotten how young six-year-olds really are. I would like to revise my previous answer to read, “Depends on the maturity level of the individual child.”
My son forgot his flute today- he is in sixth grade. He leaves it beside his bed so he’ll remember it on band days, and I moved because it was in my way this morning.
So he forgot it and I and his dad forgot to check our morning checklist as we zipped out the door and forgot it too.
Had it been an early class day for me, he would have been out of luck, and that has happened other times. Today, I could swing by his school on the way to work and drop it off. So I did.
We have always had the “we watch each other’s back” sentiment and our kids are really responsible. They receive compliments in school and from others about their work ethic, so I know it’s not just “mom attitude”!
In fact, our kids watch out for us too, as in “mom, are those your car keys on the table…?” as we walk out the door!
On the other hand, if I felt he was refusing to work or being unusually irresponsible, then we would handle it differently!
From the teacher’s point of view, all these are a real problem.
We are ‘in loco parentis’, so now we have to make sure he gets a decent meal.
Sports kit too. Who supervises the kid? Does he stand on the edge of the sports field, shivering? Why can’t he get the healthy exercise he needs?
And if the teacher is taking the kids on a trip, then supervision for the kid left behind (and that pupil catching up on resulting projects and coursework without having had the experience) is definitely a pain.
As others have said, if a kid is using an excuse regularly (the dog ate my homework / I left it behind / I forgot to write down what it was), then the family should take action.
By all means set up routines to help him remember. But don’t make his life difficult at school, because it affects the teachers too.
For the record I just want to mention that my parents were not aware of my no lunch/bag situation because I in fact didn’t want them to know. I refused to call them and asked the teachers not to. I did this because I was feeling so stupid for forgetting and would rather minimize the amount of people that knew. This was also around grade 2 when I was leaving for school after my parents left for work (my older brother made sure the house was secure and that I had someone to accompany me to school) and I traveled by bike with 3 or 4 friends, none of whom noticed I was missing a bag.
On reflection I do think a parent should help the kid out at that age but make it clear to them that mommy or daddy won’t be around forever to help you out so you have to learn to remember things on your own.
My parents would have definately brought it for me. I can remember when I was in sixth grade and I forgot my glasses (I had just started wearing them) and my mom brought them for me. I’ve grown into a somewhat responsible adult. My boyfriend tells me that I am the most responsible person that he knows … I’ve never figured out if that was a complement or not.
Dude, no one is saying you’re irresponsible. The fact that you started this thread and genuinely seem to be looking at how others would handle it suggests that you’re doing a sanity check.
I tried posting this on Friday, but the server was quite ssssslllooowwwwww, and I was out of town most of the weekend.
And the survey says…
No one made a big deal about it all today (Friday, I mean). My son didn’t care, apparently the teacher didn’t care. I feel a bit silly for worrying about it all day.
And, so I can say “nyah” to all you nay-sayers, a good friend who is a family counselor (LCSW, actually), gave my wife and I her full support in our decision.
It was a big non-issue for everyone. :rolleyes: :smack:
I wondered if that might happen. I remember running across an old journal of my mom’s, in which she had written this long entry agonizing over how she had gotten me the wrong type of backpack for school, and the teacher had reprimanded me for it, and Mom felt so terribly guilty…of course, I remembered nothing of the event.
You’re trying very hard to be a good parent, and doing a fine job, I’m sure!
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