First thing we do, let's kill all the bankers

I haven’t been too sure what I think about Paulson’s bailout plan, because I felt it was unfair to drug smugglers & casinos.

Then my friend Benny explained to me that it’s not for all life-sucking, soul-burning parasites, else it would have also to go to shrewish women.

(I’d modify that to heartless significant others in general.)

It’s only about those life-sucking, soul-burning parasites that parasitize business in this country. As it will also go to save the jobs of useless nepotistic management cocks, I guess that’s OK then.


[Really not meant as a serious analysis of the issue, just a way of thinking about it that popped into my head & seemed funny. Benny is imaginary, it just worked better with a “different perspective” introduced.]

And after that let’s continue with all the people who spend more money then they can possibly expect to make, or politicians who measure their success by the amount of people who own a house (regardless of whether they can afford it or not)

As Jon Stewart pointed out, most of the bankers made their money by shuffling pieces of paper around. When they go bust, all we’re left with is paper.

We used to make stuff, and then sell it. You know, sewing machines, cars, refrigerators…stuff. Now, or until now, we sell credit. Much tidier, and it employs a better class of people.

Turns out, not that great an idea. Who knew?

You know, of all my rambling and barely-lucid apocalyptic prophesies, I wouldn’t have thought that the one about how the economy’s going to collapse because people are realizing that all they’re trafficking in really is empty promises should be the one to at least have some semblance of truth…

It just couldn’t have been the invasion of scantily-clad amazons from outer space, huh?

First, they bailed out the banking industry.
But I did not speak up for I am not a CPA
Next they bailed out the auto industry
But I did not speak up for I am not an MBA
Then, they bailed out the homeowners
But I did not speak up for I live in an apartment
Then, they came to bail out me
But no money was left to speak for

For that to work, we’d have to redefine ‘own’ to mean ‘made payments for 2 years, still owes 98% of the loan’. Oh, wait.

What do you need bailing out for?

I’ve lent my cousin a bit of money so I reclassified myself as a bank for tax purposes. Also, thanks to too much turkey and stuffing last week, I consider myself to be too big to fail.

How about we first kill all the people who don’t have the faintest clue about economics and finance, but still loudly complain about perceived injustices arising from their own misunderstandings?

Your condition is called “too big to fall”, Mr. Roly-Poly Weeble Wobble Ass.


Could you be a bit more specific?

I believe the word he was searching for is “politicians”.

Cripes, if you’re going to snatch a Shakespear quote for your title, perhaps you should read the play first? The advocate of lawyer-killing is not trying to fix society. By choosing to riff on that quote, the OP is cast as the same sort of villainous buffoon as Dick.

I just want him to PM me when he’s ready to let copulation thrive.