Five-Word Movie Review

7th Voyage of Sinbad
Ray Harryhausen, king of FX.

The 10 Commandments
Few swords, but MANY sandals.

Cleopatra
You won’t like her angry.

NEXT: Films featuring strong women

Films featuring strong women

Cherry 2000
Melanie Griffith kicks ass everywhere.

The Quick and the Dead
Sharon Stone is formidable gunfighter.

A Big Hand for the Little Lady
Joanne Woodward’s best card cheat.

Next:

Drive-In B-pictures

The Blob
Big aggressive blob threatens all

It Came From Outer Space
Shapeshifting aliens stranded on Earth

Tarantula
Big scary spider. 'Nuff said.

next
Costume dramas

Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
Crowe on the high seas

The Great Gatsby
DiCaprio channels his inner Redford

Shakespeare in Love
Better than Saving Private Ryan?

Next: Movies in space

Barbarella
Sexy Groovy heroine fights Duran²

Moon
Astronaut has lunar/personal crisis

Ice Pirates
Pirates steel ice in space

Next: Ensemble films

The Hours
Fake nose equals Kidman Oscar?

The Big Chill
Sex, drugs, rock…and suicide

Ocean’s [Number] (modern versions)
Not cooler than Rat Pack

Next: Period Comedies

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Baron Bomburst is unscary villain

Around the World in 80 Days
Niven is suave every day

The General
Confederate Keaton almost wins war

Next: Military dramas

A Few Good Men
You can handle the truth

Hamburger Hill
This ain’t no Happy Meal

Courage Under Fire
Meg Ryan gets her due

Next: Meg Ryan movies

Rich and Famous
Her screen debut, in 1981

You’ve Got Mail
Ryan at absolute peak adorableness

City of Angels
Doomed supernatural romance with Nic

Next: Nicolas Cage movies

Nicolas Cage movies

Valley Girl
Socioeconomically different teens spark romance

The Croods
Cave girl, overprotective dad clash

Willy’s Wonderland
Quiet drifter fights malevolent animatronics

Next: Harry Dean Stanton movies

Escape from New York
Check out the big Brain

Repo Man
What’s really in the case?

Kelly’s Heroes
One who didn’t make it

Next: Kevin Kline movies

Dave
Dave doubles for the President.

De-Lovely
Good bio of Cole Porter.

A Fish Named Wanda
Kevin eats Wanda, hilarity ensues.

Next: Jamie Lee Curtis Movies

Halloween
She’s everybody’s favorite final girl

Trading Places
Nationwide, VHS tapes repeatedly rewound

True Lies
Schwarzenegger’s not a nice husband

Next: Movies with one survivor from main cast

Gravity
Bullock finds her way back

Life of Pi
Was it really a tiger?

Alien
The legend of Ripley begins

Next: Chop Sockey movies

King Boxer
1972 HK film started craze

The Big Boss
Bruce Lee’s first lead role

Enter the Dragon
Most successful such film ever

Next: Blaxploitation

Blaxploitation

Shaft
Sexy Private dick gets chicks

Blacula
African vampire terrorizes Los Angeles

Coffy
Grier is nurse turned vigilante

Next: Cheesy Sci-Fi

Cheesy Sci-Fi

Battle Beyond the Stars
Seven Samurai but in Space

Plan 9 From Outerspace
Ed Wood’s Best/Worst Creation

Dark Star
Never philosophize with a bomb

Next: 80’s Comedies

This Is Spinal Tap
This review goes to eleven

The Blues Brothers
On a mission from God

Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice -zips up mouth

Next: Foreign-made movies

“Foreign-made” meaning non-American, I presume? If so, these are three of my all-time favorites:

Cinema Paradiso
Boy, projectionist bond over films

Breaker Morant
Three Australian officers on trial

Pride & Prejudice
Lizzie’s smart, conflicted, spunky, luminous

Next:

Keira Knightley movies

I meant to post “non-English speaking movies”

In play:

Boston Strangler
Fighting sexism for the truth

Bend It Like Beckham
That’s what she said, right?

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
It wouldn’t have worked out

Next: British comedies