Five-Word Movie Review

Thread Games
1

Inspired by this thread: Five Word Movie Reviews - Cafe Society - Straight Dope Message Board

I thought it might be fun to try it as a game.

The Rules

  1. Address three movies at a time, reviewing or describing each in just five words. Bonus points for wit, elegance and puns.
  2. End your post with a genre, theme or descriptor (cowboy movies, Jimmy Stewart movies, movies with a color in the title, etc.) for the next poster.
  3. If there are simulposts, the second-appearing poster need not redo his or her movies, but should repeat the ending genre, theme or descriptor of the first poster. If he or she doesn’t, the next poster should repeat that genre, theme or descriptor, so that each one gets done eventually.
  4. Genres, themes and descriptors may be repeated if there is at least one intervening different example.

I’ll start…

War movies:

Glory
Soldiers suffer, win respect, die.

Breaker Morant
Three Aussie officers get railroaded.

Patton
Good Lord, what an ego!

Next:

Film noir.

2

Film noir.

The Maltese Falcon
Fat man wants a bird.

The Big Sleep
Hays Code changed the murder.

Double Indemnity
Fred MacMurray’s a serial killer.

Next:

Madcap romantic comedies.

3

Madcap romantic comedies:

Bringing Up Baby
“Ohhh, David, a leopard!”

Philadelphia Story
“My, but she was yar.”

Super-hero movies

4

Super-hero movies

Batman
Pow! Wham! Bop! Holy camp!

Superman
Look, up in the sky!

Fantastic Four
How come Doom’s face’s visible?

Next:

Westerns

5

Westerns

Django Unchained
Jamie Foxx invents dynamite early

The Great Train Robbery
That guy’s shooting at us!

The Lone Ranger
Worst for Indians than smallpox

Next:

Science Fiction

6

Science Fiction:

The Blob: Jello from space threatens consumption

Blade Runner: Humans and replicants fighting destiny

Close Encounters of the Third Kind: Music soothes the alien beast

Next: Comedy

7

Comedy:
Happy Gilmore
Golfer beats professional, gets girl.

It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World
Crazy chase for a fortune.

Animal House
Fraternity hijinks outrage the college.
Next: Musicals

8

Musicals

Singin’ In The Rain
Lip sync saves true love.

Godspell
Jesus clowns around New York.

Paint Your Wagon
Two cowboys, one woman, music!

Next:

World War II

9

A Bridge Too Far
Epic screwup by Allied brass.

Inglorious Basterds
Far from history, but fun.

The Eagle Has Landed
Bagging Churchill not that easy.

Next:

American Civil War

10

American Civil War:

Gone with the Wind:
Atlanta burns, flames Scarlett red.

Lincoln:
Thirteenth Amendment, from House to theatre.

The Hunley:
Makeshift submarine’s crew tries, dies.

Next: Tom Cruise films.

11

Taps
Misled cadets can’t save school

Top Gun
Navy pilots kick ass, man!

Born on the Fourth of July
Vietnam no fun for grunts

Next: Ahnuld films

12

Conan the Barbarian:
“the lamentation of the women”

Kindergarden Cop:
kindergardeners get the upper hand

True Lies
Arnold Swarzenegger dances the Tango!

Next: Courtroom drama

13

nm

14

A Few Good Men
We CAN handle the truth!

The Verdict
Ambulance chaser reaches for redemption.

Philadelphia
AIDS ennobles young gay lawyer.

Next: Cowboy movies.

15

nm

16

Cowboy movies:

Silverado:
Remember when Costner was good?

Unforgiven:
Ends in metatextual shoot out.

The Magnificent Seven:
It was better with samurais.

Next:
Vampire movies

17

Twilight
Sparkly vampires? Gimme a break.

The Lost Boys
A rather different youth gang.

Dracula
Langella is young, sexy, scary.

Next: Jimmy Stewart movies.

18

Jimmy Stewart movies.

Harvey
Nice guy and his pooka.

The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance
Well, it wasn’t Jimmy Stewart.

Vertigo
Kim makes his head spin.
Next:

Mel Brooks films

19

The Producers
Hitler conquers Broadway - no, really!

Blazing Saddles
Deliriously funny; definitely not P.C.

The History of the World, Part I
Swing and a (historical) miss.

Next: Movies with a color in the title.

20

Colors:

The Green Mile: Sorrowful giant sacrifices; affects all

A Clockwork Orange: Milk bar, mayhem, redemption, relapse

Pitch Black: Alien creatures can’t beat Diesel

Next: Stephen King adaptations