Five-Word Movie Review

A Mighty Wind
Jane Lynch sings folk songs

Advise and Consent
Betty White as Senator Adams

Roustabout
Raquel Welch in uncredited role

Next: Child actors as adults

Silence of the Lambs
Jodie Foster drives this one.

Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star
Plenty in the ending choir.

The Brady Bunch Movie
Cameos by adult Brady kids.

Next: Concert films

The Last Waltz
The Band, and other stars

9 Songs
Porn movie with concerts, too

From Mao to Mozart: Isaac Stern in China
Violin master is charming, talented

Next:

The last great movie of an actor’s career

Always
Audrey Hepburn, gracious as Hap

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner
Spencer Tracy bows out afterwards

The Misfits
Two greats lost: Gable, Monroe

Next: Comedians in serious, unfunny roles

The Big Sick (Ray Romano)
Muslim guy loves sick woman. *No, Ray Romano is not the Muslim guy, but the dad of the sick woman.

Lost in Translation (Bill Murray)
Has-been meets girl in Tokyo.

Uncut Gems (Adam Sandler)
Jeweler just can’t stop gambling.

Next: Horror movies with minimal violence

The Sixth Sense
Troubled kid, counselor; big twist

Good Boy
Loyal dog tries to help

Angel Heart
Detective learns more than desired

Next up:

Detective movies with a difference

Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
Standard noir comedy, but animated.

Brick
Noir film in high school.

The Nice Guys
The detectives are giant buffoons.

Movies with a city in the title

LA Story
Gets fired; trades up girlfriend.

Fargo
Buscemi in a wood chipper.

Key Largo
You know how to whistle.

Based on a Steven King novel

The Long Walk
Cocky kids—until they die.

Misery
Kathy Bates as deranged fan.

Carrie
Don’t tease the uncool kid.

Next:

Courtroom Dramas

To Kill a Mockingbird
Scout fondly remembers her father

The Rainmaker
Lawyer wins case, gets girl

My Cousin Vinny
We learn what are “youts”

Next: Families traveling somewhere

The Grapes of Wrath
Great Depression was no fun.

Little Miss Sunshine
This little girl’s gonna sparkle!

The Road
Father, son on grim journey

Next up:

Sweet but not cloying films

Juno
That girl’s eggo is preggo!

Mystery Men
Z list superheroes finally shine.

A Room With a View
Oh, swoon! Helena Bonham-Carter!

Movies that a better budget might have saved, but they didn’t get it, so… Sorry.

(Movies that meet this description include The Shadow with Alec Baldwin, Vibes with Cyndi Lauper and Jeff Goldblum, Evolution with David Duchovny and that guy who played Stiffler, and Daredevil with Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner: Good scripts, solid casts, cringe-y effects. You may think of better examples, but that’s what I was going for.)

None of which I’ve seen, and none of which interest me. And the prompt is far too subjective.

How about trying something simpler and much more objective, such as Films of Michael Caine?

Works for me.

never mind

To Be or Not to Be (942)
Appreciated later; lacked marketing budget.

Return to Oz
Everything just missed the bus.

Children of a Lesser god
Good movie-- could be great.

NEXT: Sequels to films that did not need sequels.

Sequels to films that did not need sequels.

Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2
Great found footage film, once.

Paranormal Activity 2 (through infinity)
Great film, once is enough.

Caddyshack 2
Seriously, just stop, Bill Murray.

NEXT: Sequels that are better than their predecessor.

The Dark Knight
Ledger kills as the Joker

The Road Warrior
Mad Max gets a boost

Ouija: Origin of Evil
Goes way beyond the original

Next: Movies with classic lines

The Wizard of Oz
“We’re not in Kansas anymore”

Sunset Boulevard
“I’m ready for my close-up”

Soylent Green
“Soylent Green is [spoiler alert]”

NEXT: Movies made before the end of WWII