Flame Warriors- A Full Taxonomy

Have you ever visited a chess forum or the Usenet, only to recoil in horror after being viciously criticised or insulted by other visitors? The perpetrators of such attacks are known as “Flamers” and are the daily reality of news groups, even in such a sedate area as chess. Mike Reed has put together a remarkably witty, insightful and beautifully illustrated taxonomy of ‘Flame Warriors’.

Flame Warriors

So, which one are you? :wink:

Some of my personal favorites are the following:

Compost: Has few weapons at his disposal and must resort to expletives and gross vulgarities to amplify his rhetorical thrusts. Combatants know when he has spent the fury of his attack when he suggests that his opponent’s mother is a professional sexual services provider.

Godzilla: It was a peaceful and productive forum; lively, congenial and a bounteous source of useful information. Then one day, completely without warning, Godzilla arose from the depths and blew his scalding breath on everything in his path.

Big Dog: A bully who doesn’t hesitate to use his superior strength to intimidate other combatants. Big Dog may be smart, articulate or just plain mean, but in any case he is a remorseless fighter, brutally ripping into even the weakest of combatants.

Profundus Maximus: Eagerly holds forth on all subjects, but his thin knowledge will not support a sustained assault and therefore his attacks quickly peter out. Profundus Maximus often uses big words, obscure terms and…ahem…even Latin to bluff his way through battle.

Deacon: Be he a Baptist, Scientologist or Zoroastrian, in the heat of battle Deacon will call down Divine retribution on all net sinners, and will never miss an opportunity to tell everyone about his personal savior. Deacon is fervent and earnest, but never has anything of interest or substance to contribute.

Jerk: A sarcastic, mean, unforgiving and never misses an opportunity to make a cutting remark. Jerk is very happy to participate in electronic forums because in cyberspace he is free to be his repulsive self – without the risk of getting a real-time punch in the mouth.

Grunter: Always reponds to discussion forum messages with a single word or a short phrase. Other Warriors find Grunter a particularly exasperating opponent because he will answer their lengthy pontifications with a simple “Yeah!”. “Get a life.”, “Whatever”, “I agree.” “Wrong.”, etc.

Lonely Guy: Doesn’t get out much, his social isolation drives him to do battle just for the human contact. Compassion dictates that we shouldn’t get too upset with his antics. But he can be very fierce. Remember, he has nothing better to do than stew over real or imagined insults.

Propeller Head: Knows just about everything there is to know about computers and the internet, and is indignant that you don’t. He is still much to be feared because with a few deft keystrokes he can reduce your computer to a smoking heap of ruined metal – or at least he SAYS he can…

Bong: Does the writer seems to babble on and on? Does he lurch from one non sequitur to another? Are you baffled by his obscure metaphors? Are there so many typos you think that maybe he was typing while wearing a catcher’s mit? Can he really MEAN what he just said? What in the hell is this guy talking about, anyway? Is this guy smoking something? Well, yes…in fact he is, and placidly tethered in high orbit Bong remains far beyond the reach of the even the most powerful Warriors’ weaponry.
LOL! Great stuff! :slight_smile:

Yes! I thought I had lost it! About a year ago on another message board someone linked to that, so I added to my favorites. But when I left AOL I lost it. It’s back! Oh how wonderful.

That’s one of my favorite sites. Spend a little time in GD or the the Pit. There’s an amazing amount of similarity between the descriptions and some posters here.

The guy hasn’t updated his site for some time, though.