I just don’t get this attitude. By this logic, we shouldn’t blame BP for the Gulf oil spill, because it was a mistake. I mean, sure, there were warning signs, but haven’t you ever made a boneheaded mistake? Or the Exxon Valdez. Or any number of other instances of negligence resulting in great harm. Yes, mistakes are understandable, and I’m way more interested in rehabilitation than punishment. But if you are making the sort of mistakes that lead to deaths, I think your children should be re-housed until you can demonstrate that it was a one-off and not a consistent pattern. For their sakes, not to punish you.
I got a lift from a stranger once. I was 16 and biking up a really steep hill, and he offered me a ride. I got into the back of his pickup with my bike and he drove us about 40 miles, drinking a lot of the way. Stupid? You bet. Possibly resulting in my death? Yep, even if he was a nice guy—I was in the open bed of a pickup with a driver drinking while navigating mountain roads. Was I any less stupid than the woman I’m blaming here? Not really. The only difference is that I had no one in my charge at the time, and the initial really bad decision came first without hours of grooming by a criminal.
I sure as hell learned from that experience, and I was lucky to survive to do so. I hope the woman in this case learns, and I’m sorry that her daughter did not survive. But for the sake of the other kids, I think it’s reasonable to make her jump through a few hoops before taking charge of them.
At my kids’ school, tardies count against you from day one. My kids have never been late unless it was for a pre-approved reason (doctor’s visit or something). Maybe that’s where the confusion is coming from? It absolutely would have counted against him.
Two thoughts crossed my mind while reading this story:
1: I can’t even imagine being so poor, so hungry, and so desperate that I’d put my kids in a car with a total stranger, let alone get in there by myself. If the story is as presented, I’ll concede that she’s dumb, but her circumstances are part of the tragedy here.
2: If it’s not true, definitely child prostitution.
It’s quite possible that the woman was smart enough to know there was a “string” attached. Perhaps the worst thing she was expecting was having to give him a BJ after they had dropped the kids off.
I would not be surprised if she has gotten such offers before. But instead of ending in tragedy, they had ended in perfunctory sex and promises for future opportunities.
All the ones here in my area of Oregon have Subways :mad:
And I’m just going to agree with the people that the mother’s an idiot. Yeah, I could forgive her believing the man that he was gonna give her money. And maybe forgive her believing him about his wife not showing up. But wtf. Getting into his car with her children? Given how trusting she was throughout the rest of the ordeal, I have a hard time believing she didn’t know her daughter went with him. But at the same time, I can imagine all the things people are saying/thinking about her don’t even begin to match up with what she’s probably putting herself through. Yeah, she acting ignorantly and stupidly and just without any common sense. But neither she, nor her daughter deserved the final outcome.
But what’s the punishment for having one late day in kindergarten? Do they take the red crayon away for a day or something?
Yes, teaching your kids to be on time is a good lesson. Teaching them being on time is SO IMPORTANT that it’s worth overriding the “Don’t get in a car with a stranger” rule? Not so much.
Ok, you did see where when I shared the story I said it was stupid, and it was an example of me doing a stupid thing, right? I get that I shouldn’t have gotten in the fucking car. I got it the evening I did it, many years ago.
And the punishment for tardies was loss of recess for the day, as I recall. Also 3 tardies counts as one absence, and 3 absences meant a visit to court to explain to a judge why I couldn’t get my kid to school on time.
So, yes, the consequences weren’t dire. I did a dumb thing because I was desperate in the moment, and I was very lucky. This woman was also desperate and did a dumb thing, and I cannot find it in my heart to mock her because she happened to do a dumb thing while in the company of a predator. I just think it is very very sad.
eta: I don’t have a rule where it’s ok to get in a stranger’s car as long as I’m there. I admit it was stupid. that was the point of the story; sometimes good moms do dumb things because humans make mistakes.
Really? 9 lates/3 absences from kindergarten and they really drag you into court? What kind of tough school district do you live in? AFAIK kids aren’t even required to go to school until 1st grade where I live.
Well, “kindergarten” is a German word and concept. You VILL! So, it’s not so far-fetched.
Just kidding. But I, too, am curious to hear more about miss elizabeth’s school district. Like you said, in the US (every part of it I’ve lived in) schooling is mandatory starting at age 6/first grade.
I’m just not following how ONE tardie, in kindergarten no less, and because of mom, would’ve been any big deal in the great scheme of teaching kid’s right from wrong. Instead, I’d be worried about sending the message of doing one thing at all costs, to the exclusion of all else. But maybe that’s just me.
And one tardie is still a long cumulative way from three absences and a judge.
I know it was a stupid mistake. I’ve said that over and over. The whole point of sharing the the story was to say it’s a stupid mistake. I don’t know what else to say. Posting about getting in the car has actually caused me more grief than doing it at this point, sheesh!
No worries. Not a big deal. We’re just curious about your school district and its draconian rules for kindergartners. (Or maybe you were making up the rules, as a funny way to excuse your eagerness to get your child to school on time that day – which we all agree is generally a good lesson to teach. If so, that was kinda funny of you, and we apologize for not seeing the “whoosh”!)
Oh come on. It wouldn’t be the Straight Dope unless your story was grammar checked, spell checked, deconstructed, reconstructed, examined from obscure angles, motives questioned, facts checked, cites asked for, holes picked, premises questioned, motives doubted, marks given for style and format, pummeled, tweaseled, kneeded, bent backwards, turned upside-down, rolled into a tiny ball and flicked into the void.
Me, too, hijack that it might be. Our court systems are clogged up as it is; I can’t even imagine how low-crime an area must be to have a local ordinance like that on the books.
My district was in the Northwest corner of Mississippi for the record. Or was, at that time.
And I do take my kids’ schooling extremely seriously, but I see, in retrospect, the consequences of being late that one day weren’t dire. Although, even now, the idea of being blase about my kids being late for school is just… unthinkable. I’m very punctual though. I dunno. Whatever, point is moms do dumb shit sometimes, and I’m very thankful that the worst consequences for my stupid mistakes have not come to pass. But I realize I was lucky, not necessarily smart. Just, as a parent, literally the worst thing I can imagine has just befallen that mom, and I can look at her and think, “That could have been me.” It just fills me with sorrow.
eta: also, I have no idea what would happen when you actually went to court, because I never had to go. I always thought it was nutty too, but the government of Mississippi is as shitty as you can possibly imagine, so there you go.
