I gotta say, I’m impressed with the manner in which my local Publix grocery store is handling the Corona-situation. They are rationing the hardest hit frenzy-buy products properly and are adhering to a sensible sanitation protocol (wiping down cart handles with disinfectant, limiting hours to cleanse the store frequently, etc.). Their butchers, bakers and [del]candlestick makers [/del]seafood handlers replenish their hard-hit display counters as quickly as they can. They and all the rest of the Publix staff remain pleasant and accommodating, despite being over-worked and over-stressed. Cudos to all!
The shoppers, however…well, they’re just idiots.
I keep myself and my teen kid at home and only venture out to the grocery store when needed and to the cat rescue we volunteer at (because kitties need help, and they’re not idiots). We wear surgical masks when we do go out (only got 2 left from my retired doctor bag. We use, disinfect, dry and re-use). Sure, they don’t filter virus-size particles, but I figure they at least help limit the distance droplet-borne viruses travel, so, why not?
The last 2 times I went to Publix, my intent was to go in, shop quickly, keep my distance from everyone, say nice things to the staff and get out just as quickly. Assuming you and everyone around you is infected is a smart way to proceed for the time being. Just imagine you’re playing the old kid-game, “cooties.”
But, my fellow shoppers do not share the same idea. For some reason, I seem to be a magnet for idiots. I’m a tiny bit overweight (“tiny” is a relative measurement. Compared to a hippopotamus for example, I’m pretty tiny), but certainly not enough to create a gravity sink…but, who knows? Never have I been more sidled up to, bumped into and blocked as I’ve been in a store as I was this past week.
Idiots. Idiots all around.
On aisle 6 (the paper [del]and sex toy [/del] product aisle), Publix finally had a limited supply of TP and napkins on the shelves (1 each per person). So, I made my way half-way up the aisle and get blocked dead in my tracks by a woman on the TP side and a man on the napkin side with their respective carts longitudinally adjacent to each other, completely blocking the aisle (they didn’t know each other as far as I could tell. I was cart-blocked, not cock-blocked).
Rather than just scooping up what they needed then going on their merry way, they took this opportunity to pick up, one by one, each available brand of TP/napkin and inspect it thoroughly. It’s napkins and toilet paper people!; at your ages (~50, going on 3) you should know enough about these pedestrian consumer products to make a quick buying decision!
So, I laid back about 10 feet and just stood there, patiently, waiting to see just how clueless and inconsiderate these idiots could be.
They didn’t disappoint.
Then, another idiot who closed in quickly behind me (and could clearly see that I was waiting for the 2 idiots ahead of me to move their idiot-asses so I could progress) decided he wanted to be closer to the action. So, he scooted around me (rubbing his idiot-body on me in the process) and inserted himself directly in front of me, just behind the other 2 idiots. Not only was he an idiot, he smelled bad, too. Alas, surgical masks don’t filter out foul smells, either.
Then another idiot pulls up next to me and yet another idiot pulls up right behind me. And, all of these idiots looked like the type of people a deadly virus would like to infect (viruses love idiots). “Viri” and “idiots” both have 2 eyes. Coincidence? I think not.
Even in the best of times I get claustrophobic easily (paradoxically due to a nasty case of agoraphobia), so, being closed in by this rabid pack of pseudo-virus-spewing zombies was starting to feel real to me.
Then, the idiot behind me sneezed and everybody looked at him. But still, nobody budged.
Then, another idiot pulled up behind the idiot that was behind me.
But, that idiot stayed about 10 feet behind everyone else and after a few moments, he giggled. So, maybe he wasn’t an idiot after all. Maybe he was a compatriot that I could relate to. And, indeed he was.
I looked back and made eye contact with Mr. Giggles. He shrugged. I shrugged. Finally, I looked ahead again, threw my hands in the air and said, “really people?!? Are we all just going to stand here spreading our germs around willy nilly!”
They all looked at me, but no one moved. So, I turned my cart around and made my way in the opposite direction past the idiot behind me. The idiot who wasn’t an idiot behind him did the same and we pushed our carts aside each other onto the next aisle. I said, “can you believe those idiots?” He giggled again and said, “nope. Lots of idiots around.”
With my luck, I probably caught Coronavirus from Mr. Giggles and will soon die a horrible death. Hopefully there’s no idiots in heaven (…I assume that’s where I’m going. Right???).