Food Nazis Jess, calm kiwi, yosemite and even sven ... front and center

The BBQ Pit
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[QUOTE=pizzabrat]

Ahh, now we have communication! Excellent! Now, let’s take this idea of communication one step further. Picture this scenario:

B: Hey A, would you like to come over for dinner? I’ve got this broccoli recipe I’m dying to try out.
A: That sounds fun, B, but I really try to avoid broccoli if I can help it.

Bam! No wasted time cooking, no muss, no fuss. If B is offended by this exchange, I submit that it is B’s problem. Besides, a good broccoli recipe would be disliked anyway; why waste it on someone who won’t appreciate it?

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It’s quite a leap from being disappointed to “crying yourself to sleep.” Ease up on the hyperbole. I’ve also said that if a food’s gonna make you puke, then you shouldn’t eat the food. Does anyone read what they’re responding to any more?

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I assumed it was obvious I was talking about a more formal situation, not a couple of close friends.

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And if Guin doesn’t like anybody’s broccoli, the fact that she doesn’t like yours should not be viewed as some sort of slap in the face.

Again, being a host is about pleasing your guests, not stroking the ego of your inner chef and getting offended at your guests for not choking down things they consider vile. (On Preview: Thanks Miller. You beat me to it!)

Generally, I’m seeing two types of picky in this thread: people who hate that they can’t enjoy the variety of foods that others like, and people who are satisfied with that situation. In the former case, some of the “foodies” seem to be giving them a nice kick in the gut while they’re down, cooing about how they don’t know what they’re missing, or worse, telling them that they don’t even what to be around them at all! In the latter, many “foodies” seem to be looking down their noses and casting shame on people who are perfectly happy and not hurting a soul by sticking to their limited palate.

Perhaps I should also explain my “food is an inconvenience” thing, since it seems that I’m unique (at least within this thread) in that viewpoint. See, for me, being full feels exactly like a stomachache every damn time, no matter what I eat. I’m not exaggerating here. Even as I type this, my stomach still hurts from some fries I ate three hours ago. I’ve been like this for over five years and I have no idea why. Because of this, I don’t normally eat more than one meal and a little snack each day. I have little doubt that many of you would feel the same if you were in my shoes. Also, I suffer from nasty depression. The phrase “enjoyable experience” is practically alien to me in any context, but even moreso when applied to food. I say these things not to garner any kind of sympathy from anyone, but simply to explain why I feel the way I do (and why my perspective on this matter is likely pretty rare).

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Here we go with the ‘gagging’ again. Barring a medical reason, I can’t think of why any grown human would feel the need to gag over food that falls within the normal spectrum of eating.

Can you see how this makes you look childish? Assuming it’s not wriggling around or talking to me as it goes down, I can’t imagine anything as mundane as a lima bean, boiled egg, broccoli, etc. making me gag. I don’t know if it’s hyperbole to prove a point or what, it just falls well outside of my frame of reference.

But that’s beside the point, really. As long as you’re a good guest and don’t make a nuisance of yourself in a restaurant, you can do whatever you like.

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No, you said I shouldn’t eat it if it was going to make me hurl all over the centerpiece or if I had a medical issue. Neither is the case with me and shrimp (unless I have some undiagnosed intolerance for it). As far as I know, they only make me vomit because I hate them so much, and I’ve always had time to duck into the bathroom.

And how can you know if the food refuser is doing so because they’re afraid they’ll puke or not? I prefer not to discuss vomiting when others are eating, so I’m not going to say why I don’t want to eat shrimp. Why not just assume that anyone who refuses your precious broccoli has a good reason for it? And why should the line be drawn at vomiting anyway? As a hostess, I’d like it if my guests didn’t feel obligated to choke down food that they find revolting even if it isn’t actually going to make them puke. If your broccoli dish is more important to you than the feelings of human beings, you should eat it alone.

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I think most people irritated by PIA picky eaters are hit by a twin-pronged attack.

First, you get people who will happily obstruct whatever social event is in the offing by refusing to go places, etc… This is seen as selfish, because they’re basically putting their PIA wishes ahead of the group’s because they just don’t like something. That’s why it’s different if someone’s got a real problem- it’s not their fault. But if it’s just a dislike, it’s seen as kind of selfish to hang up the other people’s fun.

Second, you frequently get these same people loudly proclaiming the nastiness or unworthiness of something you may like. It’s the exact same thing as if one guy is drinking beer, and another guy proclaims “Beer tastes like piss.”. By extension, he’s saying that the first guy is drinking piss, or likes to drink piss, etc… and the first guy may get irritated.

If people adhered to some of the good advice in the thread and didn’t call out picky eaters, and if picky eaters didn’t call out non-picky eaters, things would be a lot better.

I think there’s another component to this, and it’s the disdain a lot of people have for those less adventurous, but that’s not limited to food, and is probably better suited to another thread.

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BTW, a polite host will not say, “Here, try this, I’ve worked really hard/spent all day making it!!!” That’s just putting your guests on the spot.

Now seriously, I know you said, Kaspar, that you excuse people with health/religious reasons, but if someone only says “No, thank you,” then you don’t KNOW if it’s about allergies or about not liking something. I don’t believe someone should have to say, “No, thank you, I’m allergic,” if they don’t want to.

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That was some trip across Europe if they ended up in Mongolia. I doubt I would have been able to choke down one small one…I doubt I could even sip the broth.

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Um. forgive me if I am wrong, but the dinner parties I have gone to and the dinner parties I have given don’t work like the above.

When I am hosting one–I ask ahead of time for allergies. “Allergies” can and is used as a euphemism for dislikes or true allergies. I take note and plan accordingly. I have never had anyone admit to more than one or at most 2 allergies to food. More often, it is wine that is incompatible with certain meds etc. If I am dying to try this new X–and I know that a guest is averse to it–either I don’t make X or I dont’ invite that guest this time around.

When I am a guest, I express my thanks at being invited, and ask if there is anything I can do/bring. If not–yay! I bring a bottle as a host gift.

Now, at every, every dinner party I have been at–there is a selection of food. Usually, since I don’t know too many vegetarians, there is a meat dish, a starch of some kind, a salad and/or veggie, wine and dessert–fruit and cheese or something sweet.

I, as a guest, have no burden to taste/eat/finish any of the above. If I don’t care for the starch, then I pile on more veggies. If it’s the meat, I take seconds of the starch–whatever. I may well place some of the food in question on my plate, but it will not be consumed.

The point is that I also compliment said host on the effort and the outcome of the meal. Say I don’t like your way with squash. You’ll never hear it from my lips–and it won’t cross my lips either. It is my job, as a guest, to act in a mannerly fashion. It is the job of the host to do likewise–which includes not harassing the guests!

IMO, if you have the time to monitor just what all your guests are eating and how much, you need to develope some Conversation.

NONE of your/my guests are there for the express purpose of sampling your offerings. They are there b/c they were invited for friendship, business or some social reason. If the primary reason for having people over is to receive compliments on your cooking, then please tell your guests ahead of time that supporting the cook emotionally is also on the menu.

That said, would I be disappointed if said guest didn’t try my X? Yes, but if I enjoyed their company and they acted politely about X–I wouldn’t care that much. If I entertained more, I would make a note of the dislike–if I had noticed it in the first place.

For some of you, this is the height of rudeness? I don’t agree with that, but since it is highly unlikely that I will be eating with any of you–so be it.

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I confess I have little experience with formal dinner parties. I’m used to formal dinners being held at restaurants, not at someone’s home where I barely know them. In such a situation, however, I would be amazed if the host wasn’t considerate enough to provide a variety of foods so everyone can enjoy themselves.

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The host should not have to always clear the menu with finicky, closed-minded guests who can never try anything new. I may not say anything if you refuse to taste my jambalaya that kicks ass but I will silently think you a dick.

I also think that having to vet the menu with everybody ruins the element of surprise in preparing the meal. The choice we’re left with is to either narrow the menu the normal, rigid eating habits of the Picky Eater or to have to deal with the quiet pushing away of the dish that the Picky Eater refuses to even try a little bit and take a single bite of.

I want to emphasize again that I never say anything ever when this happens. I have never once tried to badger anyone (except for my five-year old) into tasting anything they didn’t want. I will just silently think that you’re being a child.

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Is it really so wrong to try to please the host, who spends so much time and effort pleasing the guests? Does everyone really think it’s just not necessary?

I know a lot of people who host dinner parties. Many times, the slightest stupid thing can ruin the whole night for them. Neurotic, maybe, but it happens. It seems like a really small thing to do to make someone happy.

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Actually, my x-gf hated peas and corn. But hating squash or peas or corn is not the issue. I don’t know if I didn’t make myself crystal clear, so I’ll try again.

One of the great joys in life for me is food. Some food is actually better than some (really, really bad) sex I’ve had. It doesn’t have to be haute cuisine, since my preferences change on a daily basis. One day I’ll want Jamon Serrano on fresh baked coarse bread, sun riped tomatoes and olive oil extra virgen, followed by fresh trout, grilled with garlic, and topped off with a creme caramel and a nice cognac. If I’m in the mood for that and it’s Tuesday afternoon and I’m by myself, I’ll cook it for myself.
Next day might mean a Whopper, third day making mac’n’cheese for myself. If a woman waltzed into my life who couldn’t stand trout, it wouldn’t be a big deal.

But If I want to drive down to Paris for the weekend, I’m sure as hell gonna have an order of moules et frites, while I’m there. When I’m planning a weekend, it usually involves food and wine in some configuration. I will not eat any bread that isn’t fresh from the bakery, today. I will not eat canned veggies or mushrooms, with the exception of paella, which, IMO, calls for canned peas. I make a point of picking up spices and herbs when I travel and take home. I don’t let spices sit around in the kitchen for more than a year, since they lose flavor after that, I will not use any ketchup but Heinz, mustard have to be really strong, and I usually have 3-4 different types in the fridge. I abhor pre-sliced bread and pre-sliced cheese. I make my own curry powder and have a Peugeot™ pepper grinder, not to be snobbish in paying way too much money for such a thing (it was a gift, actually), but because it really makes better ground pepper, which BTW, I’d never buy pre-ground.

So, yeah, I’m a foodie. But I wouldn’t want to eat French Guide Micheline type food every day. And if the Dopers here who say they think every type of food from the sea tastes the same, I think, to myself “how is that possible?”, since I can’t imagine it, but it’s not my problem, and I don’t care.

But if a prosective gf shows up on my radar and she pushes around the food on the plate, listlessly, and say that she only eats because she has to, there’s too much of a compatibility issue for me to try to work around. It’s as big as if she said she hates dogs, since I’m a dog owner, or that she wants to live in a rural area on a farm, since I’m a city boy. It’s simply not worth it.

Oh, and coriander doesn’t taste like soap, it tastes like tooth paste.

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neutron–mention your constant stomachaches to you doctor, next time-- IANAD, but you may have a hiatal hernia or an ulcer–it’s worth checking out.

Stonebow–I am sure that there are things in the world that you struggle with (or maybe I’m mistaken there, too)–so why the harshness? So you don’t get why some folk’s throats close upon foods that you eat with impunity–how is that pertinent? Some people faint at the sight of blood, for example. Are your physiological responses to be the standard by which all are measured?

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Yes I agree the host shouldn’t make an issue of it–because it doesn’t matter. So if someone politely passed on your food dish, do you rudely ask them why? They might be passing by because of some food allergy, some religious reason, etc, or they might be passing because they simply don’t like that food dish. The ‘reason’ is not relevant—nor is it any of the business of the host. I mean really–do you want to force your guest to say that eating that will make him hurl?

So you stated before that you would consider it rude. So if you have 20 guests and 3 of them pass on the broccoli—do you consider them all rude? What if one of them can’t eat broccoli–does this get them off the hook? How do you know why they passed? What do you do–give your guests the third degree? Talk about fucking rude.

Now I love good food and I love to cook. But if a guest passed on something, so be it. They have their reasons and that is all that I need to know as a good host.

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Thanks, Dr. Stonebow. :rolleyes: Newsflash: psychological reasons are medical reasons.

No, I do not. How many times in this thread are you (and Dio) going to say that?

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(Hijack-from what I remember, they started out in London, shipped over to mainland Europe then road all the way across Europe to Siberia and eventually shipped over and went across the US and Canada. All on motorcycles).

Diogenes-again, my MOTHER cannot eat spicy foods. Jambalaya is a somewhat spicy Cajun/Creole dish, no? Well, she would turn it down because she doesn’t want to be up all night with an upset stomach.

Yes, it is, if you’re so neurotic that one little “No, thank you” ruins your evening. That is YOUR problem, you should NOT foist it off on your guest’s.

You claim you “spend so much time and effort trying to please your guests”, well, if you care so much, then you wouldn’t insist that they eat something just to make YOU happy. Jesus, if my company isn’t enough, if my not tasting your fabulous monkey fetus stew will completely destroy your evening, you need fucking help.

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I don’t for a second believe that this “gagging” thing has any legitimate merit whatsoever. The puking thing is a melodrammatic stunt. It’s what children do.

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And I would think you’re condescending as hell for thinking you could put anything in front of me and expect me to go “Mmm-mmm!” regardless of what it is. Last time I didn’t get a choice as to what I could eat, I was a pre-teen at the mercy of my parents. Being put in that situation alone would make me feel like I’m being treated like a child. We’d just end up pissing each other off for the night. I hope you, as a host, have better discretion than to invite me as a guest, since I wouldn’t enjoy your party and you wouldn’t enjoy my presence there, but I’m sure you know people who do enjoy such a party and would have fun.

My point? It kinda got lost somewhere in there, I think, but essentially this is why you don’t eat with people like me and I don’t eat with people like you, and everyone’s happy anyway.

I do agree that each party should be as polite as they can be, but honestly, someone whose night is ruined because I passed on the peas? I’d wager there’s not a single way I could get through that night without upsetting such a fragile ego anyway.