I still think of myself as average and occasionally above average when I really try to make myself look good. I think I started feeling better about my appearance when I was about 16-17 years old. Guys stared asking me out and telling me I was cute, pretty, etc. That helped my self esteem a lot and in turn gave me more confidence in myself. I think that once my attitude changed and I projected more confidence I became more appealing to the opposite sex. (and maybe the same sex, who knows! )
My SO thinks I’m beautiful inside and out and that’s all that matters. But it’s still kind of nice to get hit on when I go out.
Well, I was told I was ugly all my youthful life.
I believed it, of course.
After I got contacts, dyed my hair blonde, I felt I looked normal. Well, at least better.
Gorgeous? No. But I am old enough for it not to matter anymore. If only I felt that way when younger.
Hello everyone. Well, this is my first real post to Straight Dope. A friend of mine who lurks here pointed me in this direction. I’m just now trying to learn my way around.
Let’s see. I did not post on the ugly thread, but I thought I’d make a comment. I’ve never thought I was gorgeous, and I’ve often thought I was ugly. But the idea of being stupid or mean makes me more upset than the idea of not being pretty. I’d rather be ugly than mean any day.
Here is a picture of me. As you can see, I have nice hair, but I also have a weight problem.
Somebody has actually called you ugly? I don’t buy it. Based on your picture, I doubt I would approach you if I saw you in public, but that’s not because you’re unattractive…It’s because I’d think you were out of my league and probably wouldn’t talk to me.
As for myself, I think I’m somewhere between plain and mildly attractive (no picture on the peoplepage, but it’s on the webpage in my profile). I used to think I was kind of ugly, until I realized that most of the girls I had dated were pretty, and had approached me first. It’s really odd how you can genuinely fail to notice things like that when you lack confidence.
Fortunately towards the end of that period, I was lucky enough to sleep with someone who looked at me like I was Queen of the Universe. He was stupefied by my belief that I was unattractive, and his open adoration started to clue me in that I was, like Satan, “not an unattractive person.” He thought I was pretty on the inside, too (I am, most of the time), but he openly let me know that I was the hottest thing he’d ever seen and I started to believe it a little.
But my moment of truth came when I looked back at some pictures from the awkward years. There’s one of me in high school trying to emulate Molly Ringwald - remember when girls started wearing black bowler hats? Let me tell you, all that time I was wasting time feeling ugly and unwanted, I was gorgeous!!!
I’m walking a fine line right now - I have more self confidence than I did at one time but I’ve also been dealing with some depression and some major weight gain over the past few years, and I know the mirror doesn’t lie. I would be so pretty if I only…you know.
Gorgeous? That’s going a bit far. I knew I was passable when I was around 17 or so, and went to my cousin’s wedding. I wore a vintage jaquered silk, cream yellow sheath dress that was ankle length. It wasn’t a color I normally wore, and was a consignment shop find. Paired with my elbow length opera gloves (which every drama queen must own, darlings,) and pearls, I thought I looked alright. My older sister, who, objectively speaking is definately the more pretty of the two of us, and was all ready to go, took one look at me, and said “Wow. You look great.” And turned around and went BACK into the hotel room and BACK into the bathroom and primped for another 15 minutes. I decided that if I looked good enough to threaten the “Swiddles is the smart one, SisterRiddles is the pretty one” dynamic, then I looked pretty freakin’ good. Still have that dress. To this day, however, I only feel completely confident in my appearance when completely dolled up, in formal wear. I’m comfortable in the jeans and tshirt I’m in now, but I wouldn’t dare hit on anyone like this. But slap a pair of kicky slides on my feet and a dress with some form of sparkle on it, and get the hell out of my way.
Well, I wouldn’t call myself gorgeous by any stretch of the imagination, but I do remember the day I realized I wasn’t hideous…
Eighth grade health class, not very far from the lowest circle of hell. A couple of the guys who regularly made my life unbearable were sitting on my left, and on the other side of them was a girl named Kelly Ballengee. I thought then – and still think – that she was one of the prettiest girls I’d ever known. Long, glossy dark hair, creamy skin, lovely figure.
The guys were arguing about whether Kelly or I was a bigger dog.
It dawned on me that these kids had been lying all along when they told me how repulsive I was, and they knew they were lying, and they didn’t care, and there was nothing at all that I could do about it. And for some reason I started to cry.
Tracy, I’m not seeing the weight problem, but I’m funky like that.
I didn’t/haven’t realized I’m gorgeous. I still have some problems understanding how people could think I’m hot or anything not unattractive . . . in that I don’t understand it.
But when you’re brought up to believe you’re nothing short of a leper’s bowel movement . . . it can take a while for that belief to be replaced.
Also didn’t help much that in high school, anyone who ever complimented me wanted something in return . . . a paper typed, a french or latin story translated (or the reverse) . . . you get the idea.
Swiddles, how do you handle being hit on when you’re wearing jeans?
This thread brings back a memory. (Sorry no pics available so you’ll just have to imagine.) I was probably about 16. I remember I was complaining to one of my friends (a girl) about not being pretty enough or whatever. I don’t remember why. A couple of the neighborhood boys were in the area and heard the conversation. I don’t remember the details. What I do remember is these 2 guys trying to make me feel better by telling me I was “cute” and me not wanting to be “cute”. To me “cute” meant not ugly, but not quite pretty. I wanted to be “hot” or “gorgeous”. One of the boys said that I would never be those but that I had “bedroom eyes”. What the hell does that mean? They and my friend agreed that I should be happy being cute. I never was.
When I stopped doing what I thought I was supposed to be doing, or what someone else thought I should be doing, and did exactly what I wanted to do with myself style-wise. (I had taste, not them! :eek: )
Of course, I dress like a bag lady at work, because I can, but that’s another story! When I want to, I can look good. I choose not to exercise this option very often.
(Living in So. Cal, I often feel like I have to be making excuses for my lazy days. Suckarama! I’m glad my office is upstairs and I work ALONE!!! hee heeee!)
Easy. I’m too thick-skulled to realise when anyone is hitting on me in any dress, and don’t realise it for hours afterwards, at which point, I realise that I was being hit on, and smack myself squarely on the forehead. Which doesn’t hurt much, because I am, as I said, thick-skulled.
“SPROINNNGGGG!!”
“Nice hair???!!!”
TM, you are definitely a hottie and the best you can come up with is “nice hair?” And I echo iampunha’s comments about the weight thing: I don’t see it either.
Your comment about “I’d rather be ugly than mean any day” indicates what kind of person you are on the inside…
TracyMarie: Welcome to the SDMB’s…I think we’re all gonna get along just fine…
Well, i’ve never been called ugly. Fat yes, but that was in elementary school (interestingly, people left me alone in HS, maybe because I knew most from grade school). Anyway, I dont think i’m that great looking, but I must have something going on, as evidenced from Silver Fire’s reaction to seeing my pic, as well as by several other female doper’s reactions :D, and by a few gay guys i’ve made friends with in another chat. Most of their reactions were: “you’re hot”, or “you’re cute”. Don’t know if i’d say I was hot but well, who am I to dispute such a good response to my pic? ;). I know that i’m not ugly. I look around me and know that well, I could look much worse.
What I’m getting from this and the “ugly” thread is that there’s a big bunch of people out there trying to build up the courage to ask any of you out, who think you are out of their league, have no idea how insecure you are, and who would think they were being shut down when they did ask you out, SIMPLY BECAUSE YOUR SELF-ESTEEM IS SO BAD THAT YOU COULDN’T IMAGINE SOMEBODY THINKING YOU WERE CUTE!
Been there myself, and have the bruises on my ass from kicking it when I realized, too late, that there was some gorgeous person who WASN’T luring me down the primrose path to make fun of me, but who wanted me as a boyfriend! My missed opportunities in high school astound me, now.
In college I lost some weight and was high and/or drunk so I picked up signals better, whether they were there or not. After college, being married but with lousy willpower, I used my weight to shield myself from potential partners. However, a couple years ago I found that it was no longer working, that grownup women don’t really care that much. So I might as well just lose it.
)