I just got back from a late dinner (or very early breakfast, depending on your view and personal timezone), and was subjected to the most frustrating experience short of on-line dating; to wit, the dining party which fails to foresee the tedium and confusion of splitting a complex check.
In my role of sitting at the bar/counter, and in the case of this particular establishment, typically near the register, I see and hear of all sort of ass-hattedry by thoughtless customers, but tonight was a cake-taking event. A party of eight, having spent a considerable portion of the evening consuming various delictibles and beverages, proceeded to cash out. However, unable to divide up the check themselves and in any case, not having cash, they presumed upon the waitress to do their accounting chores for them and ring up each individual’s bill on separate bankcards. Being, as I am, a casual student of the grift, I sought to follow the exchange that occured in front of me and ensure that the serviton in question (one of my favorite waitresses, a lass of exceptional class and quite fun too boot) was not left short, but even my skill with arithmatic and pedantic attention to the process was insufficient to make sense of the exchange. It did seem that each individual member of the party paid some portion of the bill, but without the capability of a powerful spreadsheet application I would be unwilling to commit to the claim that all accounts were properly settled, and I have my doubts that a suitable net tip was actually rendered.
Nonetheless, the server in question, a consumate professional that shames me with her ability to maintain composure in the face of utter inanity, remained cool, ran the numbers to the best of her (self-admittedly limited) ability, and kept a charming countinence in view until the party exited the premises; and even then offered only the slightest of snickering, whereas I was ready to absorb a flood of profanities and invective in the service of mitigation of this intolerable situation. They easily squandered ten minutes of this young lady’s time without additional compensation, though to be fair I should acknowledge that they were aplogetic about the fiduciary mess they’d created in their obliviousness.
Anyway, a word of advice to all far and wide who may not be so familar with the challenges and tribulations of those in service positions: please, if you’re in a large party and are not prepared to pool your resources to pay the check in toto, indicate up front to the server that you would like to pay on separate checks. Although some restaurants inexplicably forbid this, it is in general a much easier and less confusing situation for the waitron than having to perform stupendous feats of spontaneous accounting on your behalf.
Else, if you do it in my presence, you may be subject, at the very least, to a sneer and a nasty glare, and consider yourself lucky to get away without sutures.
Stranger