As an adoptee, a birthmother, and one who has had an abortion, let me toss in two more cents.
I have been so blissfully lucky that I’ve been an adult during the times of my two unplanned pregnancies. The first time around, I chose adoption. No one forced me. The second time, I chose abortion. No one forced me into that either. Both decisions were the right ones for me to make at the time I had to make them. Seeing as how I was an adult, though, I was really the only one who could make the choice.
If I had been a teenager, I know I would have wanted, at the very least, to be able to make my wishes known, and taken into consideration. I would have resented anyone trying to force me into anything. My mother was forced into giving up a baby (not me–I have an older sister). It affected her for years. When she and my older sister were reunited in 1988, my mom changed, and for the better. She no longer worried about what had happened to her child. The depression she seemed to fall into every spring (when my sister was born) vanished.
I have an open adoption. I know the daughter I relinquished eleven years ago. I do not worry about her. I know she is with a family that loves her, and she’s turning out beautifully. As for the abortion I had, well, sometimes I do get to wondering what things would be like had I not made that choice. Then I start thinking about what my life was like at the time I had the abortion. It sucked. My mental state was only about two steps from insanity. I could not have gone through with another adoption–even though my first one was successful, it was still painful. Parenting? No way. I would have lost that child to the state.
I’m an adoptee, too. My stepfather adopted me when I was two years old. He was 18 when I was born. My mom was 19, old enough to tell her parents to get stuffed when they tried to force her to give me up too. She couldn’t do it twice, either. But then she met my dad (step). He was brave enough, for 1967, to marry my mom & adopt me. I will always admire him for that. And I admire my birthfather too, for having the presence of mind to realize that it was best to just let me go.
While the numbers of teen girls getting pregnant is appalling, I still don’t believe that they should be forced into having abortions, or adoptions. They absolutely need to be made aware of their options. They need to be taught how *not * to get pregnant. They need to know that just because teen pregnancy is common, that doesn’t mean it’s cool. They need to know that having & raising kids changes your life for-freaking-ever, not just for a minute or two.
Okay, that was more than two cents. And sorry about the stream-of-consciousness thing, too.
