Forget casks of Amontillado - Toilet Paper! That's the ticket!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

And in this week’s News from Canada:

[Body found inside wall of washroom at Calgary shopping mall

Gruesome discovery was made by a maintenance worker called to fix a toilet](http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/calgary/calgary-mall-body-washroom-wall-public-police-homicide-1.4641842)

The police have not revealed if the body was wearing a jester’s hat with bells.

2

“For the love of God, Montresor! Don’t squeeze the Charmin!”

3

The body has been identified as the 1997 Alberta hide and seek champion.

4

[Morgan Freeman voice] Andy crawled to freedom through five hundred yards of shit smelling foulness I can’t even imagine, or maybe I just don’t want to. Five hundred yards… that’s the length of five football fields, just shy of half a mile. Then he got stuck in the ladies’ can. [MFv]

5

No shit!

6

Nothing to add, just that threads like this are why I can never leave this place.

7

For some reason, I kept reading “body” as “boy.”

8

Maybe they’ll find Big Foot while they are getting that guy out?

9

Stories like this make me glad I didn’t pursue a career in forensic pathology.

Possibilities: genuine maintenance worker whose disappearance somehow wasn’t detected :dubious:, or a sicko intending to install a peephole and who got stuck instead? :eek:

10

Maybe he successfully installed it.

“He died doing what he loved - watching women pee.”

11

I’m not seeing any indication of how long the body had been there. A day? A week? A month?

This is casting a horrible light on an old mystery. Decades ago I used to manage a large office complex in Washington DC.(L’Enfant Plaza). There was a ladies room off the hotel lobby that was always getting smell complaints. We kept upgrading the fans and adding deodorizers, we even pulled out the carpet and replaced it with tile.

But I don’t think we ever checked behind the drywall. :eek:

12

Reminds me of a horrible story I read of a guy who was caught hiding inside the tank of sludge in a porta-potty, to spy on women.

My guess though would be ‘attempt to break into mall after hours by crawling through air ducts to steal stuff gone horribly wrong’.

13

Malls are dying … and they’re taking people with them. I didn’t know they were so revenge driven.

14

I’ll take it you haven’t seen the excellent documentary Chopping Mall.

15

:smiley:

16

The most recent news reports say they think the dead guy climbed over the wall on Friday and died there, so just a few days before he was found.

I’m on my phone so can’t cut and paste, but the news report says that there was a “pony wall” (new term to me) that appears not to have connected to the ceiling, so you can climb over it and get behind the wall without damaging the wall or the drop ceiling.

All of which leads to the gaping “why???” question. The police say that their ability to comment is limited as there is no criminal investigation pending and privacy laws apply.

17

By his act of dying there, did he offer an indignity to his dead body?

Criminal Code of Canada

If he ended up convicted for that, or for violating an environmental law, or plain old trespass at night, I don’t think his body would be popular with his cell mates in prison.

18

You’re suggesting Alberta Prosecutions should convene a Cadaver Synod?

:eek:

19

Baseless speculation time! :smiley:

Given that the cops have ruled out foul play … my guesses are:

  1. He’s a peeping tom. There have been cases of these types hiding inside the sludge at the bottom of porta-potties to get their kicks, so it isn’t impossible.
  2. He’s a thief, who planned to hide there, wait until the mall closed, and then break into stores.
20

So, the mall wasn’t open on the weekend? He must have suffered a fatal trauma (broken neck, crushed chest cavity) as I can’t see someone starving or dehydrating to death in 2 1/2 days. Wouldn’t you call out for help?

Time to call Banacek.