Forgetting an infant in a car

Life insurance policies pay when a suicide occurs at least two years after the policy is put in force. I hope you never have a use for this information, but if more people knew it there would probably be fewer suicides where people take the lives of others at the same time (such as suicide by causing a head-on collision).

Thank you for the link to the article. It was exceedingly hard to read, but I am a better person for it.

I, too, was always furious at the idiot who could forget their child! I now know as routine-based as I am, that there but for the grace of God, go I…

I’m glad my son is grown up.

Couldn’t make it through the article…I am just not made of strong enough stuff to be able to deal with that. :frowning: Luckily, my kids are now old enough to say something or get out of the car if needed.

I was going to post in that “what job could you not do” thread to say “anything where I have to deal with something bad happening to a child”.

I am actually a fairly strong person and can deal with a lot…I have bruises, scrapes and cuts I can’t remember incurring. Work? Who cares! I laugh at death, my own especially, but my true emotional Achilles Heel is anything bad involving children.

I have never viewed parents to whom this happens as criminals or evil*.

But what separates leaving a child to die of hyperthermia in a locked car from all other types of parental neglect that result in severe injury or death of a child?

Does this particular lapse carry a special indemnity?
*I am, however, having a bit of trouble with the mom quoted in the story who refused to feel guilt because her act was not “intentional”.

Thanks for that article. It had me in tears for sure, but I made it through the whole thing. I’m terribly forgetful, and so is my boyfriend. When we have kids, we’ll have to design a system to ensure that we don’t leave one of them in the car.

That lawyer is kidding himself when he says it couldn’t happen to him. Did any of these people think it could happen to them?? I know it’s just people telling themselves it couldn’t happen because it’s unimaginable, but you’d think being exposed to the case would temper his certainty a tad.

Does guilt not require intention?

Is there a distinction between regret and guilt?

Can regret be profound, as profound as profound guilt?

Upon re-reading the article I can’t find where she said she refused to feel guilt. She did say that she didn’t feel as though she needed to forgive herself, which is a bit different.

Fascinating article. Really well researched and written. It’s a shame more journalism isn’t this good.

For those interested in the question of prosecution for different types of negligence, and the general social and legal issues surrounding such cases, you might like to check out this article:

Jennifer M. Collins, “Crime and Parenthood: The Uneasy Case for Prosecuting Negligent Parents,” Northwestern University Law Review, 100:2 (2006), pp. 807-856.

Download (PDF)

Here’s the article’s list of contents, to give you an idea of the sort of issues she addresses:

Oh man. This should have been labeled NSFW. Because really, I can’t be seen sobbing at my desk, and I’m someone who welled up with sobs when watching Toy Story 2 for goodness sake.

Don’t sweat the mean and stupid comments. There are plenty of people who truly believe that bad things only happen to bad people, except for themselves of course, who are bombarded by the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.

Made it through page one, sobbed, spent ten minutes crying and hugging my toddler. If it were something I did, I would be very tempted to kill myself. I am so sorry for the father, kids, and wife in the first page.

Not reading the rest.

Well the article was certainly aimed to pull on he heartstrings.

However, let’s not dismiss the paragraph towards the end:

Not all cases of infant hyperthermia in cars are like the ones this article is about: simple if bewildering lapses of memory by an otherwise apparently good parent. In other types of cases, there is a history of prior neglect, or evidence of substance abuse. Sometimes, the parent knowingly left the child in the car, despite the obvious peril. In one particularly egregious instance, a mother used her locked car as an inexpensive substitute for day care. When hyperthermia deaths are treated as crimes, these are the ones that tend to result in prison sentences.
And yes, there are parents who do this intentionally while they go to the casino. There was a case in Australia where the mother left the expensive car running while she went to the shop. The car was stolen, the thief on discovering a baby immediately abondoned the car. With dire consequences for the child- which neither the mother or the thief could have foretold.

There are many times when a trial is inappropriate. And there are times when it is the way to go.

I’ve always realized that they are describing me, and therefore have never felt anything but deep deep pity for people who do this unintentionally.

I could barely even start the article. Sorry, Bricker, I know you want us to read it, but I know I can’t.

Thing is, it seems to me that, while such cases are substantively different from the ones addressed in the article, even these incidents require a certain amount of analysis and consideration.

I mean, what if the woman who used her car as “an inexpensive substitute for day care” did so because she was poor enough that she had to work, and the work didn’t pay enough for day care? Her actions might have been negligent, or worse, but they might also have been rooted in a desperation and a lack of alternatives endemic to her socio-economic circumstances.

Here’s a revealing quotation from the article i linked in my previous post:

My wife and I both read it. I couldn’t get through it. I got most of the way, but I have a seven month old I take to daycare during the week and I just couldn’t imagine the pain I would feel and I couldn’t bear the pain of the people in the article. This idea that it could happen to anyone was reinforced, oddly enough, by the piece on 60 minutes a week or so ago about people who misidentify their rapists or attackers. The thesis of that was also that your memory is terribly fallible and subject to suggestion in many ways.

Outside of just the subject matter I thought this was an astonishgly good piece of journalism. He brings compassion and understanding to people who have recieved very little. I don’t know anyone who read that article and wasn’t at or near tears by the end. It is also one of the few stories that fundamentally changed how I live my life. Every day I sit down at my desk the first thing I do is picture where I dropped Tom off. Did I put him on the floor? Did I hand him to the caretaker? What was he wearing? I don’t do anything else until I have made that mental re-check. I know it has only been a week or so since the article has come out, but I expect that will never go away.

Read this at work and caught myself sniffling :frowning:

Not to make light of the situation but Lissa Lissar, how did your toddler react to the sudden crying and hugging?

I actually did that once for about 5 minutes. I was taking my toddler to a park to play. Since the parking lot was dirt, I would always keep the windows up to keep the dust out. It was a hot day, and there was no shade over my vehicle.

When I pulled in, someone I knew got my attention, so I walked over and talked to him. We walked together for about 50 yards. He asked me to join their group in a pickup soccer game. I said I couldn’t, because I needed to keep an eye on my son. He asked where my son was.

I ran back to my vehicle. I didn’t know if he was sleeping when we pulled in or not, but his eyes were closed and sweat was beaded all over his face. When I grabbed him, he woke up and seemed okay. As a precaution, I called the hospital, but they said not to worry.

I had been told the safest place to put the child seat was behind the driver, but after this, I moved it to the other side where I was more likely to get a look at it when backing in or gathering items when getting out of the car.

For those few moments, it was the most sickening, helpless feeling I have ever experienced.

Oh, he was fine. He was on my lap playing with blocks, and looking up and grinning at me. More cuddling: very good in his book.

That is a damned smart habit for every new parent to get into- ladies, get your phone out and then throw your purse in the back seat.

The UCI prof is a local, and I remember his story so well. :frowning: