Have You Ever Forgotten Your Kids?

In My Humble Opinion
1

There’s another one of those “Mom meant to drop off the baby at daycare, totally spaced out and left her to die in car” cases in Cincinnati right now (don’t follow the link if you’re sensitive to baby death details, it’s grim). She’s a professor of counseling psychology, of all things.

It sounds like the change in routine was part of the problem. She’d dropped off her 3-yr-old at the usual place, and even took the baby inside with her to do so - perhaps her brain processed that as “mission accomplished”? Those physical memories are awfully strong, perhaps in her unconscious mind she’d taken care of her daughter.

Lots of very strident posters responding online claim they’ve never forgotten any of their 27 children, even for a minute. “Oh, it could never happen to me.”

Balderdash!

I find it difficult to forget my kids, forget my definition as Mom, even when I need to - like, when I’m working (which I only do sporadically). My concentration is for shit. I can’t imagine carving out enough mental space to complete a doctoral degree, as the mother in this case had managed to do.

And I don’t know that I could blank out for a full 8 hours – but, again, I can’t focus elsewhere well enough to become a professor, either.

But I did have a moment when I totally forgot I had kids. We’d been at some festival or another, and were taking a shuttle bus to get back. It was a regular city bus. For some reason, being in a bus took me out of my mothering mindset - it probably transported my brain back to the time, 20 years ago, when I rode the bus to work every day.

So I got up quickly to leave, completely forgetting I had a 2-yr-old in tow. She tripped and fell as she tried to follow me, and she started squalling. “Why is some kid screaming?” Fortunately, my husband was on the bus, too, with our son. They were sitting to the rear.

I think if I’d been on that bus all alone, I would’ve left without her. I really do.

Anybody else?

2

Yep, twice. Both were, as you put it, “change in routines”. The first time, I’m not sure how old he was, but young enough that he was in the carrier style carseat. There was a huge deep muddy puddle next to my car, and so instead of putting the car seat on the ground as normal, I set his car seat on top of the car while I fiddled with the locks (this was when you actually had to put a key into the lock and turn it while using the other hand to open the latch). I opened the front door first, as I always did, to toss my purse and diaper bag in front, and then muscle memory kicked in and I got into the driver’s seat. Closed the door, put key in ignition, turned it and - OHMIGOD! The baby’s on the roof!!! :eek:

The second time, he was much older, around 10 or 11. My husband and I went to a friend’s house with him in tow. We all had a great time playing board games, until my son was tired. He asked if he could take a nap on her bed and she said sure, no problem. We played for a few more hours and then it was time to wrap things up for the night. We hugged, we talked about what a great time we’d had and how we must do this more often and we left. Got about two blocks away before we remembered the kid sleeping on her bed.

I’ve had countless other times when I’ve forgotten momentarily that there’s a wee one in the car seat in the back while I’m driving. I’ll be startled by a sudden noise and realize I’m not alone. Never left one in the car, though. It’s a habit of mine to look at the carseat, occupied or not, as I leave the car. Considering my absentmindedness*, it’s probably a good habit to keep!
*I prefer to think of it as well honed concentration and focus…on other things! :stuck_out_tongue:

3

No. There were a million times when Whatsit the Youngest was a newborn that I had a moment of panic, like, “Did I forget to bring the baby with me?!” but every time I’d check the back seat, and no, there he was, sleeping peacefully.

However, the fact that I had so many little mini-panic moments makes me think that maybe I could have forgotten to bring him along. I just never did.

4

No.

Whenever we took MilliCal anywhere, the question where is she? was omnipresent. It wasn’t in the back of our minds – it was in the front. It’s certainly possible for me to forget my ID badge or my car keys, especially when there’s a break or change in the routine, but with our daughter, this was never the case.

5

Most I’ve ever managed was to forget to pick up my son from day care once when I was deeply engrossed in a project (read: video game) by about two hours.

He’s 20 now and seems none the worse for the experience.

6

Yep.

And, I’ve done the leave the kids at daycare thing - the clock I was using to tell time had a battery, and the battery died.

The other one we’ve done is the unsuccessful parent passoff thing - Where is the kid? Don’t you have him? No, I thought you and he… Oh, shit.

And we’ve done the escapee thing - once at a train museum with moving trains out on the tracks. One minute he was there, then I looked down at something his sister was coloring, and when I looked up - no kid.

I’m absent minded by nature, though.

I never did leave them in the car, but can understand how it happens.

7

I’ve never forgotten my kid.

I did forget about my nephew who was scheduled to get off a bus at my house at 3:15. I remembered at just about 2:30 while I was shopping for baby clothes an hour and a half away from home. I drove like a nutcase but still didn’t get there on time (obviously). Luckily :dubious: a pair of strangers saw him crying by the side of the road and picked him up after leaving a business card with a note on the back in my door. He was sitting with a couple old ladies in a restaurant in town eating hot dogs and French fries when I got back.

When mine was still rear-facing, I kept a small stuffed toy in his car seat which I would move to the dash if he was in the car. I never felt like I really needed it (who would?) but maybe it helped. When he went to front-facing (and even today) I angled the rear view mirror so I could see him.

8

I’ve never forgotten my kid, but I could see where it might happen, particularly if the kid was a quiet one or asleep. Or if the mom had had an exceptionally hard night with the kid. Especially with the very young ones, it’s not that unusual to be up for two or three hours in the middle of the night (more if they’re sick), so sometimes you’re just running on autopilot. There’s a lot that could happen if you’re significantly sleep deprived. Still, I’m surprised that she forgot her kid completely - our son is always in the back of my thoughts, though I guess I rarely wonder anymore if I dropped him off or not because he’s finally sleeping through the night. Also, my son hasn’t stopped talking since he learned that he could deliberately issue noise from his mouth. Generally if he’s not audible, that’s when I’m most likely to wonder what he’s up to.

My husband, on the other hand, while he hasn’t forgotten our kid anywhere, has lost track of him. Unfortunately, he lost track when he didn’t realize how adept our son had become with his hands. The furnace guy was out and I needed to move my car. My husband was downstairs doing something and I told him to come upstairs to watch our son while I ran outside to move the car out of the furnace guy’s way. My husband said ok, then started up the stairs. I heard him coming, so stupidly figured he’d be there within just a few seconds, so I went outside. Unfortunately, my husband he got distracted. How that happened mid-stair, I have no idea. Particularly since I could see the top of his head as I was leaving. Anyway, I was moving my car when I saw a little figure dart from the road into our yard and back to the house. I almost had a heart attack when I realized our son had managed to unlock the door and escape.

9

Lord have mercy, what a terrible way to die. I am so sad. Fuck.

Can’t say that I ever forgot my kids anywhere. Even when they are not home I still think I hear their voices…

That poor pitiable stupid Mother, how can she go on with her life? I’d be a basket case forever. Yes I do feel harsh towards her, sorry for that, but no excuses she fucked up big time. May she find solace somewhere at some point in time.

10

Our first is just shy of three months old, and we’ve never forgotten her. I have, though, had brief moments of panic when I’m off by myself - mrs_d knows I passed Little One off to her, right? RIGHT?!?

If I ever delude myself into thinking “I could never do that,” it’ll just increase the likelihood of it actually happening through complacency.

11

I don’t have children yet, but my dad once forgot to pick my brother and I up from middle school. This was years after my parents divorced, so we were only with Dad every other week. He ran his own business out of our basement and would leave work to pick us up from school on the days that we were staying with him. I can see how it would be easy to forget once.

12

I forgot to drop my daughter off at day care once. My husband usually takes her to day care in the morning but his car was in the shop so I had to take his job that morning. Her day care at the time was on my way to work – well autopilot kicked in and I didn’t realize I had forgotten to take her to day care until I pulled into the parking lot at work. :smack:

So yes, I can see how it could happen. If you are used to your routine and it suddenly gets changed, you may not even realize that autopilot kicked on and you forgot your child in the car.

I feel horrible for parents who go through this. I was lucky and realized it when I got to work…I can’t imagine completely forgetting…and I certainly can’t imagine how much you must hate yourself for doing it. :frowning:

13

I’m the youngest of four, and we all got forgotten by our parents multiple times. Luckily, it was usually at school or church where we were around people we knew, so no harm done. I don’t think they ever forgot us in the car as babies, at least not long enough to do any damage.

14

Nope.

Of course, I don’t have any k—Oh MY GOD!

15

The day Persephone died, I was so rattled that I forgot to pick my son up from school. They called me at my office to ask if i was coming.

I too have had issues with a “change in routine;” some days my husband took the baby to daycare, some days it was me. This led to days when the baby was in his seat but I treated it like a morning when I went straight to work. I never left him there in the back, but I did miss the turn a few times and have to turn back to go drop him off. I am sympathetic to these cases that make the news.

16

I have never forgotten about the kids. But really, to be angry at the mother here is not justifiable. I can’t imagine the remorse she must deal with for the rest of her life. Dealing with an accidental death, or SIDS is devastating enough, but to realize that you alone are responsible for your child’s death must be the worst thing ever in life to deal with.

17

My normal routine is/was to drop off my youngest daughter at the sitter, then my oldest at school and then go to work. A few times when we’ve been running late I would take my oldest to school and then start towards the office and then realize the youngest was still in the car with me. Also, sometimes if there was no school and both were going to the sitter, I would drop them off and still drive to my oldest child’s school.

So I can see how it could happen. But I wonder if these people don’t get that little nagging feeling that something has been forgotten? When I forget something important to me, I always get a “wrong” feeling that just nags at me until I stop and mentally review everything in that day until I figure it out.

18

Once. I had a brnad new baby and was driving to pick up my 2 yar old from a babysitter. We were closing on a new house and I had lots on my mind.

I went in to the baby sitter’s house to pick up my son and sat there chatting for maybe 5 or 10 minutes. Then she suddenly asked where the baby was and I freaked out when I realized he was still in the car. I went to get him and he was safe and fast asleep.

The 2 things that threw me off were that I was totally sleep deprived (new baby) and was preoccupied (new house).

It scared me though and I never did it again.

19

I haven’t, but my Mom did one time.

That was a case of ‘who’s got the kid?’. She thought my bro was riding home from church with my Dad; Dad thought he rode with Mom.

It’s kind of humorous now, but my bro surely was pissed. To make it worse, he was running after the car and every time she came to a stop light he’d … almost … catch her … then the light would turn green, and she’d be off again. :stuck_out_tongue:

20

I’ve never done it. I can be forgetful but I think the main thing that helped me was I was just getting used to driving so I was super-aware of everything. I have gone to daycare only to find my husband had picked our son up already though.