While, clearly, surviving the Holocaust goes far beyond any wrongs I’ve faced in my life, I do agree with the point of view expressed, forgiveness isn’t about forgetting or revenge or punishment. It is a means to healing. Moreover, the greater the wrong, often the more difficult it is to forgive. But I also think that society, as a whole, has a misunderstanding of what forgiveness is and what it means. We tend to think that forgiveness and apology are dependent upon eachother–they aren’t–or that forgiving means just letting it go and moving on–it doesn’t.
Consider someone wrongs you, whether intentional or accidental, while it is but a single action, it exists as two parts, the action and the reaction. That is, being wronged upon the victim, and being the inflictor. This creates a burden for both people, notable here, is the need for healing on the victim. Often we expect that apologizing is required for someone to be forgiven, but that isn’t the case. At an emotional level, one simply cannot heal until one has forgiven the person who harmed them, lest it be like being shot and leaving the cutting weapon in the wound. The wound may stop bleeding and even get smaller over time, but it cannot fully heal while it is in there. But that’s the whole point, if I’m wronged, I don’t need the person who harmed me to pull it out, I can do that, and then I can heal.
But that doesn’t necessarily leave me back as I was before I was hurt. Nor does forgiveness, on it’s own, undo that, it simply let’s me heal. That’s where the apologizing exists. The person who caused the harm has a moral obligation to take responsibility and do what is reasonably within his power to provide appropriate restitution and atonement. To continue the stabbing example, maybe that means paying for medical bills and accepting punishment of our society, but still, fundamentally, healing absolutely can done without that. Certainly, if both work together, the healing is often faster and closer to the original state but it can be done without the inflictor being involved at all.
Considering some people who have wronged me in my life, I can think of some who have betrayed me. I don’t have any animosity or anger toward them, in fact, I honestly hope they learn from what they did and have good lives. I just don’t want them around me anymore, because they’re not people I can trust. Similarly, it would be nice if they would make an effort to repay some of the damage they’ve done, and for those who have done illegal things, my forgiveness of them does not absolve them of that either.
That all said, I’d like to believe that I’d have the moral fortitude to forgive in such an extreme situation. Even in my life, I’ve had times where it took me weeks or months or, in a few cases, even years to be at a point where I was able to forgive, but with more practice, it’s gotten easier and faster, and the healing process is easier and faster too.