In the interest of not hijacking Thing Fish’s thread on adoption I wanted to see if there were any foster parents out there.
I have been interested in being a foster parent for some time, mostly because I know I can provide a loving, safe home for a child in “domestic upheaval”. That said, I would be cautious about the child I am willing to open my home to, I have a daughter who is five and she would have to remain top priority. The agency I spoke to suggested never taking a child “older than your current child” to maintain her place in the home.
I was/am the oldest of four natural child of a foster home. My folks became licensed when I was in 7th grade or so. They had a license stipulation that the home was only certified for ‘toddlers’ or younger so the OP might look into that. My mom’s experience as a neonatal RN had a lot of newborns coming through our place. There were some older kids, too but none older than 6ish. Some had real problems, most were angels.
My mom, otherwise a suburban soccermom/homemaker, clearly found it very rewarding. We had 30-something kids come through our place, including the last one who was placed with us for seven years. He still stays at my folks a weekend a month or so, and I see him a couple times a year. He actually got reunited with his family, a very rare conclusion and one that everyone in my family had a real part in.
He’s a great kid and I know that my trips with him to the park to play baseball and bike rides contributed to his positive development.
Both of my sisters are foster parents. There’s a lot of paperwork and certifications that goes into becoming a foster parent, as I’m sure you can imagine.
One has a toddler of her own and fosters two teenage girls. They started out with an exchange student, and when that went well they did the whole fostering shebang. They’ve gone through several children and only take one gender at a time. No need to invite trouble by having unrelated teens of the opposite sex in the same home. They’ve had very positive experiences. Most of the children stay for about a year or a little longer; it depends on their situation. Typically, it’s however long it takes a non-parental relative to get permanent custody. One of her current girls has been there for two years, and will probably stay until she’s 18 (only another year; she doesn’t want to get adopted).
The other sister has just started fostering too. She has three toddlers, one her own. It’s a lot to handle but she manages.
They have a choice about accepting/refusing particular children before they move in. But if they refuse to foster too many, they’ll be taken off the fostering list. It does complicate their taxes. They’re both teachers, so they know how to handle kids well. The state provides funds, but they don’t make a financial profit. For them, fostering is an extension of their love of children.
One comment about fostering “troubled” kids: a lot of their problem is a direct result of their previous home environment. When they first foster, it takes some time to adjust, but then they thrive* in the positive family environment. It makes a huge difference. They aren’t angels, but they change dramatically for the better.
When me and my spouse visit (we’re both professional scientists), they pummel us with questions. They finally realize what an education is actually good for, and want to know more about a life that’s not dead-end. Yes, you really can get a good job if you study hard. (It probably helps that we live in glamorous SoCal instead of the dreary Midwest. ) And, no, I’m not going to catch the fostering bug, Mom.
*I hate the overuse of this word, but it precisely fits here.
) And, no, I’m not going to catch the fostering bug, Mom.