As I begin to write this I realize how dumb it is that I am requesting other opinions to ensure I am making the correct decision.
Here is the short version of a long story. A friend of 20+ years to me and my family was convicted of downloading child porn. I would have never guessed he would be into this in a million years. I had made several internet searches and could not find any information of the details of the charges after his arrest. The only information I had was that his bond was set at 600k.
He was lite on details of the actual charges until I pressed him for information. He claimed his attorney advised him not to discuss or write about the charges until after the trail. However, he said 29 images were found on his pc. He later requested a presentencing letter. I wrote about a couple of times he went above and beyond the expectations of a friend and submitted the letter to his attorney. Fast forward 3 months(now going on 9 months of incarceration), he gets 72 months. I keep up the searches after the conviction but still no results. Two months later I find a press release that stated he had 2000 images and a 20 minute video slideshow of infants arranged in sexual positions set to cradle music.
This is where I ask the question of what do you think? I can’t continue this friendship but I feel like a jerk for thinking it. I know his entire family and consider them friends as well. Fours years before the arrest he attempted suicide after losing his job and home but rebounded with incredible success. About a year before his arrest his brother and step-dad died. Well, his mom is worried he might not make it and is so concerned that she keeps in touch with 4 or 5 of his friends to ensure we stay in touch. I don’t mind writing while he is in prison provided he is getting help for this addiction but I do not see a future friendship when he is released.
I am too close to it to see just has whack this is and welcome sincere advice.
He went through a really rough patch in life, but I wager that has exactly zero to do with him downloading thousands of images worth of kiddie porn. Everyone can have rough lives. If you want to write him occasionally because of his mom’s wishes, that would be a very kind thing to do on her behalf.
I feel sorry for everyone concerned in this situation. The mother has lost a son and (presumably) her husband, and had one son attempt suicide and then jailed for a disgusting crime. I can understand her frantically trying to keep his friends around.
I don’t think you should abandon this family, if, as you say, they are your friends. Your friendship with this man obviously won’t be the same, but I think keeping in touch with them would be the right thing to do.
No. Your instincts are correct. This man is a liar and a predator and participated in the victimization of hundreds of children. What part of that is good friendship material? He deserves to be friendless and alone for what he did.
I don’t think that makes you a jerk. He may have had a tough time in the past, but like Drain Bead says, he’s involved in the victimisation of innocent people, even if he’s only at the level of accepting stolen goods.
Imagine the situation were reversed. Would you regard this guy as a jerk for abandoning you if you had done these horrible things? Or would you think to yourself “I can’t really blame him”? I expect the latter, and so if we look back to the present situation, you can see that your feelings of jerkdom are internally produced.
This guy has horrible urges, and instead of enlisting professional help to fight those urges, he indulged them.
You’re not withdrawing your friendship as punishment on him; you are withdrawing it to protect yourself from associating with a poisonous individual. I hope you can get over feeling like a jerk about this.
You’re not a jerk at all and I completely understand where you’re coming from. I think it’s great that you’re continuing to provide support to his mom, who clearly needs it right now.
Are you sure he actually did the downloading, and is not just someone who pissed off a sufficiently skilled hacker? From my lurking in the darker areas of the internet, that sort of thing happens from time to time. Mostly from talking with hackers who have no interest in that sort of porn, but keep a stockpile properly encrypted CP, to upload from a public wi-fi area to the computer of the one who pissed them off.
I’d be inclined to think they are just making stuff up to make themselves sound tough. And judging from the fact you’re bringing it up here instead of siccing the authorities on them, I’m guessing you feel the same way.
You aren’t a jerk at all. I would continue to be a friend to his family and probably write letters to the friend encouraging he get help. I would do this more for his family, than him.
IMO it’s absolutely reasonable to not wish to continue the individual relationship. It is commendable though to keep up support for the mother in a time of great pain.
Or exactly what the child porn was. Was it actual pre-adolescent children or was it photographs of a sexual adventurous 16 year old? I am currently having to pound it into the heads of all young men in my family that if their current sexmates send them suggestive photos it’s not a laughing matter if the woman is under 18. It is potentially a freaking crime.
He did what he did, and now he’s paying for it by going to jail. That can’t be changed. I don’t see anything wrong with supporting him and his family at this point. Maybe he’ll turn his life around with the jail time and some therapy. That seems to be the best outcome for everyone.
Didn’t see that. I would like to know what criteria they used to decide the infants were in sexual positions. If they were being penetrated, yeah that’s obviously sexual and child sexual abuse, but a lot people take photographs of baby bare behinds and even exposed genitals (expecially boy babies in male in societies where there is a perference for males). Now if the photos were set to stripper music, sheevy, but cradle music.
That’s one helluvan “alibi.” “I swear, Your Honor, I have no interest in looking at that stuff. Really. I just keep a whole pile of it around for, um … revenge purposes. Yeah, that’s it!”
I would think, though - and I may be wrong - that if this were a frame-up, his friend would have *said *so. Hell, even if it weren’t, you’d think he would have claimed it was. Instead, he was “lite on details”, and then admitted that 29 images were found on his PC. To me, that sounds like someone trying to minimize his guilt rather than deny it entirely.
“I swear, Your Honor, I have no interest in looking at that stuff. Really. I just keep a whole pile of it around for, um … revenge purposes. Yeah, that’s it!”