Yeah the US is utterly bonkers in this regard. Almost nowhere else on the planet (outside some muslim countries that require a “booze passport”) would ID people who are clearly beyond a doubt decades past the minimum age to buy alcohol.
They other insane thing is the refusal to accept a foreign driving license, even though its legal to actually drive with it in the US, so its trusted enough to pilot several tons of steel at freeway speed, but not to buy a six pack!?!
Fairly often, the bonkers stuff is not actually required by law. For example, in my state the State liquor Authority website says this :
The Authority strongly encourages licensees to ask for proof of age.
Encourages, not requires. They won’t get in trouble for not asking for proof from a 30 year old- but they will get in trouble if they get caught selling to a 20 year old who “looks old enough”. Which explains why 25 or even 30 years olds get proofed - but the law has nothing to do with it when my 80 year old mother gets proofed. That’s the policy of the seller, for whatever reason. Maybe they don’t want servers to have to decide whether to proof, maybe a "proof everyone " policy causes fewer problems. There could be a state where the law requires proof from literally anyone, but it’s not most places.
I was at ORD/O’Hare a few years back and some incredulous septuagenarian got carded, and when he protested, the bartender insisted and would not serve a drink until the ID was produced. It is all rather silly at a point. Lots of places have more sensible “we’ll card you if you look under 40” policies, but grocery stores tend to err on the side of carding everyone in my experience. (Though one of my grocery stores, only one cashier would card me every time. I want to be like, Patty, you know who I am—you’ve carded me like two dozen times. I’m still the same age! The others didn’t bother.) Bars are usually more lax. Liquor stores tend to be lax as well.
I’m a practicing member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (but I didn’t see this thread until now). I cook with wine occasionally (and to be fair, odds are that wine has been sitting around long enough that it probably counts as vinegar, lol) because I feel the prohibition is on drinking wine, not eating wine. But I’m also further out than most. I’m not sure I know anyone else who does cook with wine (my husband is also not a member, which is part of why we are more relaxed about it). I know a fair number of people like your chat buddy who will eat it if cooked by others, and also more than a fair number who would not eat anything cooked with alcohol if they knew about it. (I can state from personal experience that we are sometimes a bit naive about such things! I didn’t know that it’s routine to use wine in bologna sauce until this very thread, and I bet most of us don’t know. My parents put a bit of vinegar and soy sauce in theirs.)
In college I once had a tiramisu that had kahlua poured over it. I didn’t know what it was (see naivete, above!) but I thought it was awful even before my dining companion (who was not a member) informed me of what it was and that it was supposed to be a delicacy. Ugh! I ended up only eating the parts that didn’t have any poured on it.
If I were cooking dinner for another member, I would not use alcohol, full stop. I would not even ask about it. But that’s because we’re in a shared culture where it would be weird to use it. Most members I know who care about this would not assume that a nonmember would know that they don’t eat food cooked with wine, and if this occurred, would say something like your last paragraph (though possibly might freak out more internally, sure).
We ate rare beef in the 50s as kids, because it was tastier. Only my dad ate the grey beef. The blood’s never bothered me at all, but I ordered my prime rib rare when eating dinner with friend. She literally had to avoid looking at my plate to stop getting light-headed.
I use beer making pot roast or stew.
I can’t recall ever warning any guests. Baking in the oven would remove any alcohol.
I’ll warn any Mormons who drop by. 
Lol. I would not give tiramisu to a Mormon. “Here, have a dessert that tastes like coffee, with enough caffeine to keep you awake and enough alcohol to get you tipsy.” That’s the only common dessert that i avoid (or indulge in only a very small quantity) because of its psychoactive effect. I wouldn’t give it to a child, either. The Kailua is a defining ingredient.
It wouldn’t occur to me that i shouldn’t make chicken with ginger and scallions for a Mormon friend, though. Even though there’s some wine cooked into the yummy yummy ginger& scallion sauce.
Ha!
I’ve had tiramisu since a few times (I guess I didn’t realize about the coffee either, lol – now I see, and I guess I should have realized, although I feel like I’ve had it made with cocoa before??) but if there was alcohol involved it wasn’t nearly as much as my college experience and I didn’t notice. I certainly don’t recall ever feeling any effect from it. Possibly I have been eating cheap knockoff versions 
Chicken with ginger (and wine), though, for a member of the Church of Jesus Christ Latter-Day Saints, I would expect it depends a lot on the person. I’d enthusiastically eat it (heck, I’d cook it, if you gave me the recipe), and I can think of some others who would as well; other people I know would ask for something without wine.
Is there really enough alcohol in a serving of tiramisu to get a person with normal alcohol tolerance tipsy? I highly highly doubt it
That’s going to depend on the exact recipe - some have no alcohol, some have a couple of tablespoons and some call for basically all the alcohol the ladyfingers can soak up. And remember, in tiramisu, it won’t cook off.
How big a serving?
Also, my tolerance for alcohol is much higher when I’ve had alcohol recently. So much so that i “pre game” when i visit Germany, so i can have a bottle of beer for lunch and still enjoy the afternoon. (Because normally, a bottle of beer makes me feel sleepy and out of it. Last time i visited Germany, i had half a bottle of hard cider one night, and the next night i finished the bottle and also had a snifter of whiskey before bed. And that was enough to build up a much greater tolerance.) I think people who drink regularly may not be aware of how little alcohol it takes for a non-drinker to feel the effects of alcohol.
It’s chicken with ginger and scallions. It’s no more “with wine” than it is “with soy sauce” or “with sugar”. After sauteing the veggies in oil, i sprinkle them over the chicken and i add a mixture of soy sauce, wine, and a little sugar to the oil remaining in the wok, and cook it until it’s almost dry. I splash it around the wok as it cooks and it should get hot enough around the edges for the sugar to caramelize a little. Then i add some chicken broth and cook it down about half way. There’s almost no alcohol in the sauce. I guarantee you won’t think it tastes like alcohol.
Hah! Awhile back I had picked up some Bel Gioso on the way to work to grate over something or other and one of my incredulous co-workers insisted this stuff was EXACTLY the same. I was just wasting money and effort. Your fancy daughters would no doubt cause him apoplexy - “whatta ya mean it has to be imported?!”
I would assume that the mom in question is ill-informed, and actually thinks there is enough alcohol in the sauce to be intoxicating. That’s the only way a “how dare you?” type reaction makes sense.
Sure, there are social or religious reasons to be against such. But, in those cases, people are aware that other people do cook with alcohol.
That said, it’s a Reddit post, and those are often exaggerated. Especially on “Am I the Asshole,” where the hope is that people will say the other person in the exchange was the real asshole.
The problem is that any element of discretion creates problems in marginal cases. At what age, exactly, is there no doubt? If a cashier is allowed to use discretion, then a 25-year-old who forgets their ID is going to get upset if the cashier says no, because they feel there is no doubt - and they know the cashier has a choice.
It protects your staff if there is just a strict rule to card everyone.
It’s funny, because the foods they eat will fill a post-it note with room to spare. But, for whatever reason, they are particular about their parmesan. The 24-month aged stuff (which is what I usually buy) is most obviously saltier and umami-er than Bel Gioso and the stuff in the green can. To be honest, though, the Bel Gioso isn’t all that much better than the stuff in the green can, either.
Fresh grated it has better texture and meltiness, if not exactly premium flavor 
. Don’t get me wrong - I used to eat a metric ton of the green can stuff. But there is no way to get away from that grainy texture.
Oh, definitely. Nothing like sandy cheese.
I have served hosted Muslims, Buddhist vegetarians, ethical vegetarians and recovering alcoholics literally hundreds of times over the last 25 years. My family and friends are Pakistani, Indian and Chinese for the most part, and most of the Chinese are Buddhist vegetarians, because that’s the sect my wife belongs to.
Unless they are close friends, Muslims will generally inquire about both halal meat, alcohol and also any additives that might contain pork products. If they care. If they are close friends they already know I will not try to feed them something with any of those. Many others will tell me not be too concerned about a tiny contamination. I did have one Muslim classmate who wouldn’t eat cake because there was alcohol in the vanilla essence. He also tried to convince other Muslims at the party that they shouldn’t either. He’s not getting invited back.
The recovering alcoholic has never raised wine in food as an issue. I’ve certainly served him Beef Bourgogne and Veal Marsala. I wouldn’t serve him a very boozy fruitcake or spice cake.
The Buddhist vegetarians unless they are monks or nuns basically say they don’t want to trouble the host and will eat whatever they are comfortable doesn’t have visible meat in it. So if I used a bit of gelatin or fish sauce it’s okay.
We have a couple who are Brahmins, who have a boatload of restrictions. They can’t eat anything at our house, they can’t even drink water in glasses we use. They come to our house socialize but don’t eat or drink. Oddly enough they will eat at restaurants. Apparently food prepared by non-Indian people is fine. They just suspect I’m from a lower caste, I assume. Their kid is my kid’s bestie or I’d tell them to GTFO. I’m pretty sure the kid’s gonna tell them that as soon as they pay for her college
Kids have eaten all kinds of food in our house that has alcohol in it. If anyone pulled that stunt from the OP on us, they’d be cut right out of our social circle. Unless your kid is Muslim/Jewish/Jain/etc and I know he’s Muslim/etc, they eat what I cook. If you have any restrictions that aren’t obvious, you’d better tell me in advance.
At the last sleepover I served Crepes Suzette. With almond flour crepes, because one of the girls has a gluten allergy/intolerance.
Ethical vegetarians or vegans who get preachy are never invited back. I can make perfectly nice vegan food for you, but if you tell me to lay off the butter on my own bread in my own house, you’re an asshole. Unfortunately this has happened.
When my husband was in grad school we hung out with a brahmin. He was perfectly happy to eat food we made. We didn’t give him meat, of course.
Yeah, that’s weird. It’s opposite from kosher rules. There are Orthodox Jews who will eat stuff i make for them and not stuff prepared by non-Jews. (I’m not kosher. But i do know the rules of Kashrut, and I’m aware of all the things i can’t use for them, like a metal pan that’s cooked non-kosher meat. Or most of my kitchen knives.)
I’m happy to cook for vegans. And I’ll give them real food, not just a salad, or pasta without the sauce. But yeah, i put the vegan food over here, and the meat over there, and if you are uncomfortable watching other people eat meat, i guess you’ll just be uncomfortable.
