One of my housemates has a 3000 word essay due in for next tuesday about the Holocaust. She hasn’t started writing it yet because she’s been ill but the thought of this huge project is making her illness worse. Also she’s dyslexic and has trouble writing essays and doing research.
I’m confident I could knock out a reasonably high quality essay on that topic in a couple of days. I’ve read a lot about the Holocaust in my free time so I figure I can lend a helping hand and do my house mates essay.
It’s just that she’s really stressed about it and when she gets stressed about essays she starts whining endlessly about them and it’s not that I don’t sympathise 'cos I do but every time she starts talking about it I just think *“Christ, if it’s bothering you that much I’ll do it”. I know for certain that she’s going to take up a lot of my time asking my advice on how to structure it and make it sound suitably academic anyway so the way I see it I’d just be making it easier for her ('cos she’d hardly have to do as much - which in turn will probably help her get well quicker) and easier on me (I’m spared the whining). Plus I enjoy writing essays on subjects that interest me so it won’t be too much of a hardship.
Problem is I can’t think of a way to present my proposal to her that doesn’t make me come off as a condescending bastard. I don’t want to piss her off and make matters worse. Should I stay out of it?
Oh, and for those of you expecting something juicier my two best friends Adam and Bob are both sleeping with Adam’s girlfriend Claire. Adam doesn’t know Bob is sleeping with her, however. Adam and Claire intend to get married. Everyone in my circle of friends knows except Adam who would definately end it with Claire if he found out. Claire swears she loves Adam but she finds Bob far more attractive physically and temptation gets the better of her sometimes. Bob is an asshole. Should I spill the beans or feign ignorance?
The essay: I would offer to give her a collection of crunchy bits that she can use to base her own paper on and do so faily easily and quickly. Otherwise, let her do her own damn work.
The other thing: You will get burned no matter what you do, because you’ll either be the bearer of bad news or the prick who didn’t speak up. Me? I’m sick of trying to work my friends’ problems ot for them, so I would keep my nose out of it completely.
Most campuses have some sort of help room for people with learning disabilities, whether mild or severe. If she has dyslexia, and hasn’t checked into this, I’d definitely encourage it.
I think offering to write the paper would just hurt her in the long run…and maybe even you. Does the word “crutch” mean anything to you? You don’t want to become one.
On the essay, let her stink or swim. Who’s going to get her diploma, her or you? Tell her, “If you had started this thing on time, I could have told you where to find the material. Now, I’m up to my neck in my own work. Sorry.”
On the triangle, don’t tell Adam. Don’t tell Bob or Claire what to do. Continue to keep them all as friends, if you want to, but don’t be judgemental. Of course, if Claire finds she wants to boink you, too? Well, then, that’s another question, isn’t it?
When you give people advice on personal matters, as damnfool AskNott is doing right now, there’s a good chance either you’ll blamed for the outcome, or your intrusion will be resented.
Writing your friend’s paper for her is unethical and immoral, and could possibly get her tossed out for cheating. What concerns me is how easily you toss off the idea of doing it for her - how’s your own morality doing there, chief?
As for your friends screwing around with each other, I’d drop the lot of them. They also seem to have questionable morality.
IMO, she sounds like she’s being passive-aggressive about this - like she wants you to do it for her but isn’t going to come out and ask. Let her whine. She could have sucked it up and asked you for some research help/advice, but hasn’t even bothered with that - you can read not-too-complex things when you’re sick, at least.
For the second incident, stay out of it. If you have to say something, just comment extremely off-handedly about the amount of time that Bob and Clare are spending together. This is very, very tough to manage without sounding like “I know something and I’m hinting at it now” so you might just want to forget it.
If you are just tired of her whining, go somewhere else if you can while she’s doing it. Don’t offer to do any part of it for her, though. As others have mentioned, SHE’S at school, SHE wants class credit, SHE has to do the work.
Part the Second:
You should obviously shoot all three of them in the head. No, you shouldn’t. There’s really nothing you CAN do. The most you can do is talk to Claire, and ask her if she loves Adam enough to give up Bob. If she doesn’t, tell her she either needs to tell Bob and let him decide whether he loves her enough to stay with her, OR she needs to break it off with Adam. She shouldn’t be marrying him if she doesn’t love him enough to either break it off or tell the truth.
Starting off a marriage while lying and cheating is sort of incredibly heartless.
If you enjoy writing essays, either a) just do it for her if she’s ill and someday she’ll repay you in some other way or b) write it together - make her develop - you type/write/advise. Sounds like you kind of want to do it anyways.
Is Claire your housemate? Tell her she’s a tramp - okay don’t do that, but you can go round and round with what to do here. How well do you like Adam? Does he deserve such a person (Claire)? I would think not. Maybe threaten Claire that you’re going to tattle? aaarrrghh… I can’t stand people like this.
It is nice that you want to help your friend, but well, others have mentioned the cheating angle. Plus, she will have to get used to doing her own student work some time - you cannot shield her.
Now, having been a bit of a lazy procrastinating student myself, I can say with some emphasis that 3000 words by next Tuesday is NOT that big a disaster, and by no means impossible. Hell, she coudl do that with one day of hard work - OK and half the night too, but - well when one knows one has been procrastinating, one just has to face up to it, stock up on coffee, and do an all-nighter if need be.
I should think her tutor will already be aware of her dyslexia and will be able to make suitable allowances for that.
Re. her recent illness, well, if that is a serious consideration, then it might very well be possible to arrange for the essay deadline to be extended if she has genuine reason.
The romantic problems of your other friends? Ekk, not touching that one. As someone said, you could get burned whatever you do.
You sounds like someone who really cares about your friends, which is good and admirable, but you have to be aware that you cannot slve all the world’s problems. (And trying to do so can end up being bad for one’s own work, essay, and marks. )
Don’t just do your friend’s essay - start going to her classes and impersonate her. That way you can eventually sit her exams for her, and guarantee she’ll never have to worry about school again.
As for Claire, she sounds experienced. Why not invite her into your bed? (Has she got a hot friend?!)
Seriously, cheating for your friend is just making things worse. She learns nothing, except how to fail.
By all means offer her advice on how to cope, or refer her to school advisers.
As for Claire, there is no good answer. As already stated, you will be criticised whenever Adam finds out.
At least my way you get some great sex before the blowup…
Oops - I just realised that my insistence that the 3000 words is no big deal is actually a bit bad of me, given the dyslexia problem. I stand by that statement, pretty much, but I realise that your friend will find it more difficult than many of us would.
Maybe, as a sort of halfway measure, you coudl make sure she does her own work, but you could offer to assist re. spelling?
There is a fine line between cheating and helping. It is important that the essay is her own work, but you can help by suggesting ideas, helping correct errors, helping her find good sources of info.
As for the other problem, all I can say is that FairyChatMom allways seems to me to be one of the wisest people on these boards.
)
That way you can eventually sit her exams for her, and guarantee she’ll never have to worry about school again.