From the editing room floor: The lost Jackie Harvey items!!

This just in: the lost columns from Jackie Harvey’s “The Outside Scoop” in The Onion: (feel free to ‘find’ your own)

Item! I hear notorious recluse and King of Props, Michael Jackson, has allowed some photographs to be taken of himself recently, and while I haven’t yet seen them, I hear they’re quite…bizarre! Can you say “Nose Job?”

Item! Word around town is that Ben Aflac and Jennifer Love Lopez are the steamy new La-La Land couple. Don’t put too much stock in this going anywhere, though. It seems these Hollywood unions just don’t last. sigh

Is it just me or does Pepsi taste different lately?

Item! Move over Back-Street Boys and the rest of you boy/girl bands, and make way for the latest pop sensation: American Idols! While channel surfing past Fox last week, I happened across this great new (I can only assume?) show. They put eight singer wannabees on stage, have three people critique their performance, and then we — the viewing public! — get to pick which one is the newest Idol. They’re supposed to announce the winner next week, and I can’t wait to worship!

R.I.P. Roger Pennywhistle. “Who?” you say. That’s right, say I. Eerie, when you consider the lyrics of one of his most famous songs, “I Hope I Die when I’m 64.”

Ah, spring break! The choking-up on bats, the hitting of balls, the mowing of grass and the smell of peanuts. Does it get any better than this?

With all this talk of Lord of the Rings lately, has anyone actually seen the movie?? I can’t seem to find anyone who will actually admit to it.

I wish this war with Iraq would end already. It’s all so sad.

That guy from that one movie with that girl laying naked on a bed with rose petals falling on her naughty parts has a new movie coming out soon-- hot on the heels of his cameo success in the last Astin Power movie, “Goldfellow.” He’s quite the goldfellow himself, as everything he’s in I hear good things about.

Nashville’s hottest trio The Dixie Chix wowed the pants off me with their rendition of “Oh Say! Can You See?” at the Super Bowl last month. I think only Lee Greenwood’s rendition of “God Bless the U.S.A.” could’ve topped it.

Item! There’s rumblings that Lee Greenwood is working on the much anticipated follow-up to 1974’s chart-topper “God Bless the U.S.A.”

To be honest with you, I can’t keep Steve Miller and Lee Greenwood straight. Both top-notch musicians, though.

Might as well add Steve Winwood to that list.

Item! Motown’s own Madonna is a mommy again! No word on the little tyke’s name, but rumor is her hubby, Guy “Richie” Richards, is the father.

Is there anything Aaron Sandler won’t do for a laugh (or a buck?)

Dude–SOLID. You have this style down.